If you don’t know who they’re talking about in the staff room…it’s you!

Funny, the only teaching staffrooms I ever had trouble with were in the UK, and in independent schools. Bitchy as fuck, competitive, jealous, backbiting. A lot of very inadequate teachers who felt that a newcomer, and an outsider rocked their comfortable torpor. Christmas and end of year gifts were compared, as proof of popularity, and sneered at. Outstanding results in Common Entrance, Scholarship, GCSEs, A-Levels were belittled. Given impossible workloads owing to results. Gossip, sniggering, like year 5 girls, post from pigeonholes and books etc hidden. Brownnosing the Head, who was usually all fur coat and no knickers. As one of my colleagues said, following his return from MH sick leave, these schools run their best teachers into the ground. Just hideous.
Having said that, there were some wonderful, amazing people with whom I'm still friends after 20+ years.

Totally agree - I’m a teacher and it really is one profession you can be guaranteed to find judgemental, superior snobbery all round the place. Rarely go to the staff room unless I have to. Such a judgemental attitude towards kids and parents too - I don’t know why so many people like this decide they want to work with kids and families .

Tbf, my school doesn't even have a staff room. There is no escape from the staff or the kids

It’s why I probably won’t teach in schools again, i’m too worried to!
I had two awful experiences, bullying and such bitchiness between people basically, it was horrendous. However, both schools had unprofessional headteachers and deputy heads and just a very toxic environment.
I have made some of my best friends whilst being a younger teacher and they are kind, intelligent, amazing people, but the groups around us (mainly older women) were vile people…awful to the kids too. You would think at that age they would know better and be more mature than the twenty and thirty somethings.
I’m now late 40’s and it’s not an environment I want to return to.
Would love to know the psychology of why this happens so often within teaching (this was Primary, the secondary staff seemed to get on well and there was much less drama!)

Friend of mine did a year as a TA at a time in her life when she just needed a part time job without too much pressure. She found it extraordinary that there was very much a "them and us" divide in the staff room and the teachers clearly felt themselves above the TAs and never talked to them. It was such a waste, when if they had co-operated as a team they could have achieved so much more. The ridiculous thing was that friend was way more qualified than the teachers and was sitting the classroom buttoning her lip when they spelt things wrong or claimed that Mali was in South America, and she was by no means the only TA in a similar position.

I only taught for a year in a very small school - the bitchiness and unfriendliness was horrendous. There was a total lack of empathy for me as an NQT and everyone could see I was struggling but they never offered support or kindness. It even got to the point where the Head had to gather us all together and tell us to get on, just like Year 3 girls!! I never returned to teaching, and also I found I much preferred to work with men as they are much simpler to work with.

This thread is horrible. I just don’t believe it. Teachers are not ‘bitchy’ ar al ime.

Interesting. I didn’t realise that this would be normal in a teaching role.
It’s awful behaviour from adults.
Some folks don’t grow up.

100% this.

Yep. Im a teacher ive had some much mental health distress at my school due to the bitches (its never the kids!) Im now trying to accept that EVERYONE will and probably does bitch about me. Once you have accepted that and are fine with it then I think work will be fine... I think

I actually said “not all” in my first post @Covidwoes.

i think you are right! I have seen staff bullied out - and it’s worse because schools are supposed to be butchering kind empathetic and yet the teachers bully other staff members over and over again! You are either in the clique or you’re bullied out.

They should be ashamed

It's horrible really. The 1:1 of my DS (secondary) told me what some of the teachers were saying about him and me; I was an overinvolved mum who didn't know my place and my child shouldn't be in school to start with. I know the 1:1 shouldn't have reported back to me but she's lovely and found it offensive. It was really hurtful though. Happy that some teachers actually liked him- math and history teachers were very supportive- male both of them. Come to think about it it was only women being nasty..

In that case, @SeanConneryIsMoniquesMother, you should have said ‘some teachers’.

Staff rooms are places for people to let off steam and socialise. I don't think teachers / other school staff are worse than any other group for bitchiness - it is part of human nature you will find in most workplaces (not a part I join in, like to relax and not talk on my short lunch break). However, most workplaces don't have the fixed lunchtimes for staff where everyone gathers in the same room at the same time every day. The staffroom is also the only safe, child-free space at school where we can complain about the things we find stressful at work. Teachers are no worse than other people, but circumstances are different.

Yeah that’s what l thought.

I think you get what you give.

Yes, a colleague experienced a stillbirth recently and they were surrounded by compassion and support on their return.

My colleagues are generally very lovely people.

I’m sorry about your colleague and I’m glad she and her husband found comfort in you all but respectfully, my comment isn’t about you. It’s about my experience and how I relate to the OP.

@SeanConneryIsMoniquesMotherwhat a horrible generalisation. A colleague of ours died a a few years ago, and while she was in hospice, her husband said it was her ‘school family’ who really helped him through those awful times (and also helped her when she knew she wasn’t going to improve). He said we really were another family to her. Reading your generalisation is quite upsetting.

I’ll live.

Look, that was my experience in most primary schools I worked in over 5 years so I can absolutely relate to the “bitchy horror show” OP describes.

You are coming across more than 'slightly bitchy'.

I work in secondary education and have been astounded by the level of nastiness in the 2 schools I have worked in. Not just mindless gossip but real, horrible nastiness. Not from all staff but certainly the majority. It is a real shame as it means I basically don’t talk to anyone in case I become the target.

Worked in a school for 3 years. I didn't know people could be so vile until I started that job! I still can't walk past the place without feeling sick.

Sounding rather unkind yourself to be fair. Also, I don't really think teachers try to keep up with the Joneses it isnt that sort of job. Most are just trying to survive each day.