Is it rude to sell things that you’ve been given? In this scenario

I think its rude and I wouldnt do it/would be annoyed. But I dont bother to sell anything so I recognise my privilege somewhat in this.

Did she really make "loads of money" from second hand baby clothes, though? Youalways think you are going to make good money doing this, but it's almost always morw trouble than it's worth. It sounds like Jo's mum is just stirring up trouble.

I don't see what difference it makes for you. I got given lots of stuff and clothes when my kids were born and throughout their childhoods. Some things were bought for them, some was hand me downs. Once I was done with them I sold or donated them. I didn't treat hand me downs differently to bought gifts, if there was a resale value I would sell them. I could have hardly held on to everything my kids had ever been given and it's not really the norm to return gifts when you no longer need them. That would make it a loan, and this wasn't.

I think it’s fine, on the surface. HOWEVER I do think if I were Jo I’d be mortified that my mother had let the cat out of the bag - which argues that I don’t think it’s really as fine as all that. My sister and I have sold some family jewellery, and I believe we had the right to, but we have tried to do it where other family members wouldn’t know about it.

I agree that if it bothers you, don’t give stuff away, because you don’t retain control.

I do this BUT with a few conditions

1. after we have finished using the items
2. after checking the original person doesn't want it back (99% of the time they were glad to get rid of it in the first place)
3. if I have no-one to pass them on to. I only have one friend who has a younger child than mine now. I always offer her first dibs on anything (esp the clothes she sells me from her eldest)

Then I try to sell anything I can. If it doesn't sell then I put it up for free or take it to charity shops. My reasoning is I can't keep everything and that money is used to fill the gaps in clothes for the kids or get them a next age up toy they want. I never do it to make a profit to keep for myself - all the money I get goes back into the kids and what they need or want.

I've sold some items that were too good to give away that mt sister passed down to me. However I did offer her the items back or the money but she refused (wasn't high value, only total of around £20 anyway)

I wouldn't be bothered the other way either. I've given away items to friends and family. If they sold them on after using that's up to them.

Same happened to us OP. I now sell everything even if it's just a few quid & it pays for a takeaway once in a while. We have a little jar for saving the cash. And we enjoy it ourselves.

I don't know if it's because I'm 40 now but I have become a little more selfish and cynical of others (and I love it!)

When you offer items to friends or family or thru Facebook or wherever, you need to state the conditions of the offer.

Would you object if they immediately regifted to others, if they very negligently lost or damaged items, if they insisted on handing items back to you for disposal even when item reached rubbish / broken / very dirty stage, if they misused or carelessly lost the items? Presumably those are among the many "you should have read my mind" rules OP wants to apply.

Threads like this on MN make me never want to accept a "gift" from anyone every again.

Yabu, she won't have made "good money". Even new with tags baby clothes don't sell for much, let alone worn stuff. It's a big hassle to sell this stuff and takes ages, and you get a few measly £. That's why lots of people give them away.

My personal moral compass tells me that if I have acquired something for free then I pass it on for free. If I have paid a lot for something but feel like someone could use it, I lend it to them long term and tell them whenever they're finished it with it pass back to me unless it's been broken. If you didn't stipulate that then you just need to accept that you gifted the belongings and now you have no control over what happens to them.

I bought a brand new , quite expensive, snowsuit for my toddler. It didn't fit. A friend of mine had a much smaller toddler and i offered it to her instead of returning. THE VERY SAME DAY .... she posted it on vinted. If I had known she didn't want it for her child, I would have taken it to the charity shop or donated it to women's aid. Now I just give things straight to the charity shop.

It's cheeky and rude. I hope you questioned her why and not just let her get away with it.

Of course it's shitty behaviour by Jo, can't believe anyone is saying otherwise. There are loads of things we can technically do because it's not illegal or whatever, but shouldn't be done because it's just rude and wrong. This is one of them.

It’s fucking cheeky but you’ll get lots of negative replies from people on here who would do exactly the same thing.

I would contact Jo and say you’ve been made aware she’s sold the clothes that were yours and is she planning to give you half the money? Embarrass the cheeky cow. And next time give the clothes to charity.

Yeah, she's seeing it as a profit stream and has no class. Can't believe her mum came round for more 😱

Have I got this correct? She sold stuff immediately? Not when it was no longer useful? Awful awful awful.

However I don't think it's any big deal that you rewashed and sorted it. All mine arrived like that. Then I did that with all my stuff and much of it was to strangers.

Why didn't you just give Jo first refusal on the items? When offering it to her you could have said you had lots of baby bits in excellent condition, happy to sell to her as a bundle at a reduced price.

Also you keep saying Jo wanted it and even washed bits, so I expect at the time Jo thought she would use the items but then once the baby arrived realised other people gifted items or she didn't need the things you gave her as she didn't want to use them. I bought so many baby items I thought I would need but then didn't use in the end.

When I give something away the person can do with it what they like, sell if for something else or keep or gift Im not bothered tbh

That’s cheeky of Jo. Whilst technically once she’s accepted the gift the items are hers to do as she pleased with the fact that her mum and not her told you means she knew she was being a bit sly selling it on for a profit.

I don’t think that you should stop doing this though.

I think YANBU in this situation. If I was Jo I would have passed them on to someone else rather than giving back to you (unless you’d said you wanted them back) but I agree, it’s a bit off that she sold them.

Nothing wrong with selling things like unwanted birthday or Christmas presents.

So what’s the difference? I think to me, the difference is that the baby stuff was most likely given to someone who you thought needed it, to help them out. That’s not the same as other types of gifts.

I don’t really understand the logic. What if we compare it to cash value.

You recognised that these things had value (for arguments sake, let’s say £1000). You were going to sell them. Kindly, you realised Jo was having a baby and made a conscious decision to give to her instead, depriving yourself of the cash value. Therefore, the equivalent to giving Jo £1000 (but saving yourself the effort of selling to liquidise the asset).

Jo now has the equivalent of £1000, but tied up in 2nd hand baby stuff. She realises she doesn’t need or want some of it, so starts to liquidate the assets, being so grateful to you for the opportunity to do thst, thaf she talks about it to her mum who passes that info to you. She’s not doing it secretively.

To redraw the parallel to cash, if you had given her cash would you have laid down conditions to say it could only be spent on baby stuff? Seems reasonable - e.g. “here’s £1000 to spend on the baby”.

But would you then have laid down further conditions? “Here’s £1000 to spend on the baby. Whatever you buy for the baby, once you have finished using it (or even if you change your mind about something you bought) you must either then give it to us or donate it somewhere”. That would seem like a bloody weird gift!

I'm afraid I've always assumed that when people offer me stuff it's because they want rid of it and can't be bothered to sell it/ donate it.
Certainly if I am giving something to someone than is because I'm quite happy for them to use it and then do with it as they see fit whether that is sell it or pass it on again or donate it.

I've always assumed it was a mutually beneficial arrangement that enabled them to clear out their stuff too and that had they wanted to sell it they would have done so instead