Is it rude to sell things that you’ve been given? In this scenario

Jo is an absolute mingebag.

Give her a bag full of tat when you see her next 😂

When I had a baby people generously gave us loads of stuff, and when we were done with it I gave it to charity shops or someone else who was in need. I couldn’t be arsed to sell it, but don’t really see how it would be any different to you personally since you had already given it away. I also think a lot of people give baby stuff away to declutter and the resale value is generally low so overall I think this is not worth worrying about. She probably considers gifted items hers to do with as she pleases.

I can see why it feels a bit cheeky but if given to her then it’s up to her what she does with it. Chances are if she gave it away, the next person would sell it on if the bits were so good so I’d prefer that someone I know benefit from it than a stranger. I wouldn’t expect something back that I gave away.

For me I think when someone does you a favour like giving you useful baby items then a good person will want to pay it forward and pass on anything useable themselves. I think it's really two faced to receive things graciously when you know that you are going to just sell them, I'd remember that and would consider the person less trustworthy.

I’ve given things away a lot over the years. When we had DD1, we lived in a small house and knew we won’t be trying for another sooner so as soon as she grows out of anything, I give them out and would never expect anything back. When DD2 was born 6 years later, we thought we were done with kids and gave everything away as well. We could sell it but I don’t expect I’ll get much money on second hand things enough for it to be worth the joy I get from helping someone else so I rather gave them away. They can sell on or pass it on, no big deal. Now we have DS, he’s definitely our last and I’ve given anything he no longer needs away as well. I go to church and there’s always someone in need so I’ll rather give them away. If they’re done with them or don’t need them, if they would rather sell on then all fine as well.
It would be weird if after giving stuffs away, someone uses them and they’re asking if I want them back, like why would I.

If you wanted them back then you should have said when you were giving them away that it’s a loan and not a gift. And if there are things you would rather sell then just do rather than ‘give’ them away.

I imagine she meant too good to give away to strangers. Which isn’t what you had done. If someone gave me stuff, especially second hand it would beer cross my mind that they would then want it back 3rd hand, especially if it was someone who didn’t plan to have any more dc. If you’d wanted it back, like Ho’s mum, you should have stated so but no idea what you would do with it ?!

Award to this poster for using presumably times..😂

I would never do this -sell on. Does she have young kids, why didn’t she use them? I think it’s so cheeky and dont fall into that thought of once given it’s up to you what you do with items. Nope it’s CF

It's rude to take baby stuff if you don't want it, in order to sell it on . It would be easy enough for her to say... Thanks for the offer but I have everything I need, don't have room for any more, please offer to someone else who can use it.

Depends on how the offer is made though. Are you pressing stuff on her without a conversation? Are you asking her what she needs or can use out of the stuff you have?

In any event, I'd stop giving her things and either send items to a charity shop or sell it yourself.

I think it depends.. did she use them then sell them? In whichcase its fine, once you gifted them they were hers. And my experience would be if i am done with my things I sort them into, sell, donate or bin. If id used it, id have considered it mine and treated it like the rest and wouldnt think twice about selling it.

And you could have offered to loan them opposed to gifting them.

However I think if she never intended to use them she should have said no thank you when you offered them. Taking them to sell them is awful

You’ll always get this nonsense, op.
The old “So what if the homeless person spent the money you gave him for food on booze? It was HIS money, none of your business” schtick.
Of course she should have offered them back to you when she’d finished with them. It’s bloody rude.

I don’t know OP, I am probably in the minority here but if you have them to her, it’s hers now and she can do what she likes with it. I had a relative who had a baby - as I had one a few months before hers. I bought loads for her baby and packaged some of the bits from my little one. Most were bought by me but I am sure some bits were from others. My baby wore some bits and not others as she grew too fast. I expect nothing for the new mum. She did send a thank you text when the box arrived (and I told her not to worry about posting a thank you card) but it was up to her to her to decide what she wanted..if she sold the whole lot.. wouldn’t bother me - hopefully she bought something much nicer and more to her liking for the baby. Or used the money for something that brought her joy/eased her burden (whatever that is)

@Dolly10113 it was rude of her to sell the stuff. We had this with some expensive outgrown riding clothes. I gave them away to somebody whom I asked first and who told me their DD would like them and definately use them. Few days later being advertised on Facebook. Now I put anything and everything in the overseas charity boxes and the freeloaders can buy their own stuff!

I don't see how it's rude TBH.

It's normal to sell or donate baby stuff if it's good quality - it's good for the environment; it's good to do it because it's expensive stuff. I don't see any moral imperative for someone to donate if they've got the time and energy to bother with selling things. In all honesty, I would think most of us donate stuff because we can't face the hassle of organising selling, and that's fine.

I would understand if you'd said to her 'we're lending this and if any of it is still good afterwards we'd love it if you'd give it back/pass it on to cousin Julie if she wants it/whatever'.

But I don't think you can specify after the fact. She's being sensible about good quality items and wanting to get the value out of them.

I’ve given away lots of baby and child stuff and I would be LIVID if anyone gave it back 😆 this is because I’m not having any more babies and have no use for it. Are you having more babies? I assume not or why would you have given it away?!

I think this is so wrong. You have her things to help her, the right thing to do would be to pass them on foc to help others. I often do the same with my friends and if I found out they were selling them on I’d be upset, it’s making money out of someone else’s good will and kindness.

It wouldn’t sit right with me either. I think if you receive an act of kindness you should pass it on, not profit from it.

it was a really nice thing that you did. I’d reconsider your thoughts that you were both being too nice. The world needs more generosity and you’ll feel better helping people than stopping yourselves!

I feel so torn on this.

I was given a lot of baby stuff for free from friends. Baths, breast pumps, clothes, change mats etc. Some of it I have now passed on to other friends and I always asked the original giver first. They were more than happy for me to pass on, told me to arcs anything to a baby bank that I didn’t want.

I don’t think it would have sat right with me to sell the stuff. However on the other hand, you did give it away, you could’ve sold it yourself but chose not to. Even as I say that though, I do think it’s a cheeky move.

The key points for me are:

We gave a close relative (Jo) a load of baby stuff. I mean loads. Enough clothes for 0-3, a baby bath, a baby carrier, toys, rocking chair. It was all hardly used and some of it brand new.

OP being kind, and Jo rejected things she didn't want.

The cheeky fuckery is here:

What added insult was that Jo didn’t tell us but Jos mum told us that Jo was selling all the stuff and had made loads of money as it was such good stuff.

Her mum even came round a few months later mooching around asking if there was anything else Jo could have.

Jo seems to have inherited her mum's CFery.

I’m torn on this because morally it’s not acceptable. I myself have been gifted 2 things from friends that I can think of - a sofa a friend was giving away on Facebook that I put in the kids playroom and a microwave another friend gave me when ours suddenly broke & we couldn’t afford to replace it. When we bought our new microwave a few months later (the one my friend gave us wasn’t quite big enough for some of our dishes) my friend had emigrated, so i advertised it for free on Facebook and gave it to a friend who contacted me and asked for it. I have no idea what she did with it after that. The sofa I put up for free on Facebook when we no longer had a need for it years later. The friend that gave it to me originally messaged and asked if she could have it back (I only didn’t go to her in the first place because she’d been advertising it online as free to a good home so I never considered she might want it back) so I gave it back to her. It wouldn’t have felt right selling either of them.

But if I give something away, that’s for the receiver to do what they want with. If they’re struggling and decide to sell it to use the cash to buy something they need, good for them. I might feel a bit miffed if they list it for sale 2 hours after gifting it if they said they wanted it to use, but when you give something away it’s no longer yours. What about if you sell it? So if you sell a bundle of baby stuff worth a few thousand pounds, get a few hundred quid for it I presume that’s ok for them to sell bits on. What about if you only sold it for £1/£5/£10/£50…. A nominal amount that was a fraction of the value so your friend didn’t feel like a charity case. Does that change your view, and if it does, how much do they need to have paid? We sold something on a car boot once for a fiver. Half an hour later, my husband spotted a woman carrying the item walking past us, not the person he sold it to (and it was quite a unique item or there was something obvious on it that it was the same one). He asked her where she got it and she said a stall around the corner, so he asked how much it was. She said £10. She was a bit miffed to find out she could have had it from us for a fiver, my husband was angry that the person had bought it and sold it for 100% profit so we could have gotten more for it… I was just happy we had sold it so had some money for it and didn’t have to take it home again!

I always find it odd though when people get angry about a friend selling something you gave to them and then they say they’ll just give it to a charity shop next time. If your friend is struggling, wouldn’t you rather they sell it and use the money to help them in a tight spot than give it to a charity shop (many of whom send truck loads of stuff to landfill without even trying to sell it) to sell it to people who are struggling themselves and a large percentage of the sale will go to the huge salary they pay their CEO etc. isn’t it a tiny percentage that actually makes it to the people supported by the charity? I’d get it if you’d have sold it yourself had you not given it to a friend - but if you’re saying you’d rather give it to a charity to sell I really think that’s mean (unless your friends are super rich and don’t need the money).

If I don't want things and don't wish to bother selling then I'm more than happy to pass on to someone. If they benefit from the items or benefit from selling them on for whatever reason they might have (my gopping taste or they could do with the cash) I'm happy.

Making “loads” of money is all relative isn’t it - used and washed baby clothes I can’t imagine would sell for more than a couple of £ per item - I have twins so have loads of stuff - I can’t be bothered to sell on vintage so I donate it - if they want to make loads/couple quid on it good for them - I couldn’t be bothered with the house it would take to photograph list bag and post not to mention argue with the chavs who would quibble over refunds and lost parcels