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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

230 replies

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 05/02/2026 16:56

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

OP posts:
Ohfuckrucksack · 05/02/2026 17:33

The only thing I could possibly consider this for would be a honeymoon - so it would be a wedding gift if they were eloping.

Otherwise - no.

Cheeseandquackers21 · 05/02/2026 17:32

Absolutely not especially if youre not going/ invited! And even if you are every adult can fund themselves. I jist turned 40, i went away (self funded) my sis got me £40 cash. I did similar for her 40th. Otherwise bdays are max £20 ish.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 05/02/2026 17:31

Of course yanbu. Surely your sibling will be mortified if they realise what your parents have done?!

Clearinguptheclutter · 05/02/2026 17:31

This is proper bonkers

yanbu

Pallisers · 05/02/2026 17:29

£600!! That is far too much for any present.

Tell your parents you have no intention of spending that amount on your brother so count you out. Tell them you will give whatever amount you would normally pay for an xmas present (wouldn't be anywhere close to £600 in my world)

Why on earth would your sibling think you would pay a fortune for their holiday - and for their girlfriend's holiday?? It is just weird.

Stillhere83 · 05/02/2026 17:29

That's absolutely crazy! I imagine if you explain the situation to your sibling they would be appalled, and understand.

HeadyLamarr · 05/02/2026 17:27

"Mum, you can't go around spending £600 of my money on Bro's holiday. It's excessive and presumptuous. If you want to spend £1200, it's on you."

Notsosweetcaroline · 05/02/2026 17:26

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 17:22

So your sibling booked a holiday for him (?) and gf, that they couldn't afford to pay for. Your parents said, "Oh never mind, the family give it to you for your Christmas present" thus signing you up for £600 - tell your parents it's more than you'd pay for your own holiday.

Your sibling sounds a bit hopeless as well.

No I think the parent said they were all paying for a holiday for the sibling and girlfriend, so they could go together and then it was booked.

ShakyFridge · 05/02/2026 17:26

What the hell. No! Are they younger? They can pay for their own holiday! Point out that you haven't had the same.

Tableforjoan · 05/02/2026 17:26

I wouldn’t pay £600 for anyone’s gift apart from maybe my own children but then that’s a new computer money.

My brother gets about £25.

Crazy people.

Valentina2027 · 05/02/2026 17:24

Of course not!

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 17:22

So your sibling booked a holiday for him (?) and gf, that they couldn't afford to pay for. Your parents said, "Oh never mind, the family give it to you for your Christmas present" thus signing you up for £600 - tell your parents it's more than you'd pay for your own holiday.

Your sibling sounds a bit hopeless as well.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/02/2026 17:21

£600, that's an outrageous amount to suggest someone else pays!

It's hard luck really that the sibling has booked the holiday-they will have to fork out the remaining money. Why would you and your parents be paying for his girlfriend as well!?

Who is the fourth person?

NamingNoNames · 05/02/2026 17:17

Is the 'gf' a long-term partner or a fairly recent one?
Which big birthday is it?
You can say 'big-O' if you don't want to give the exact age but there's a difference between an18th and a 40th.

JustGiveMeReason · 05/02/2026 17:17

I agree with @LionKing88

I would just say "No. Since when did we start giving each other presents worth hundreds of pounds? Confused. I never agreed to this."

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 05/02/2026 17:17

Nevermind17 · 05/02/2026 17:13

“Oh goodness, I could never afford to pay that much! That’s far more than we normally spend on each other, but I’d be happy to contribute our usual £30” (or however much you’d usually spend).

This!

LionKing88 · 05/02/2026 17:15

I never get these threads - just say... No I didnt agree and wash your hands of it!

Nevermind17 · 05/02/2026 17:13

“Oh goodness, I could never afford to pay that much! That’s far more than we normally spend on each other, but I’d be happy to contribute our usual £30” (or however much you’d usually spend).

Maybeitllneverhappen · 05/02/2026 17:13

Your parents' behaviour is outrageous. I'm angry in your behalf!

Original poster
TwinklyRoseTurtle · 05/02/2026 17:09

To answer a few questions- the holiday split is between 4 people so around £600 each to be paid just before Christmas. My sibling has booked the holiday thinking that we had all agreed to pay. It’s not normal in our family to give gifts like this- I have never received anything like this. I am really close to my sibling so will likely contribute towards their part but I will definitely not be contributing towards the gf part at all- I think that’s what has blow my mind the most.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 05/02/2026 17:07

No people shouldn’t spend others money.

If your parents want their other child and gf to go away they are welcome to pay in full.

Silverbirchleaf · 05/02/2026 17:06

I hate it when people spend your money for you, without asking.

Why us gf getting a free holiday?

Has the holiday been booked yet? If not, can you speak to the person and explain you don’t like what’s proposed?

Can you afford the expected contribution? Have you been dictated to what you should contribute?

NamingNoNames · 05/02/2026 17:06

Say no.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/02/2026 17:05

parent has asked me to pay for sibling and gf

No, I would not do that (my parents would never ask me to!)

Tell your sister/brother that your parents have done this completely behind your back and you don't have that sort of money to contribute.

Lovely if your parents want to make a grand gesture like this, but THEY have to fund it, if so!

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 05/02/2026 17:01

Say no. You don't have to explain why. Is it usual in your family to buy holidays for each other as presents? In my family that would not be the norm at all.

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