For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

When you tell your parents & brother that you won't be paying, AT NO POINT should the word "Sorry" come into it. You have not done anything wrong and have no reason to apologise for other people's stupidity.

I would have said then and there to the parent that they don't get to offer up your finances towards other peoples birthday gifts. I wouldn't contribute on this instance as they will moan regardless of whether you contribute half towards your sibling or nothing at all. I'd get a present that you can afford when it is his actual birthday.

I wouldn't give any more than my usual amoun, as your own dc has a big birthday coming up.

Tell your parents they can spend their money on their child, your brother, and you will spend your money on YOUR child.

So who will make up the lack of “how generous am I organising this treat” siblings
payment then? Will they take credit for the gift still? Will you be expected to make up the shortfall?

As it’s a special bday I would offer slightly more than usual towards it. Say £150 instead of £100. I wouldn’t pay more.

I wouldn’t pay at all, this is nuts.

I know you were trying not to be too outing but sometimes I think it would be a good thing for the people involved to find these threads and realise just how batshit their behaviour really is!

OP you know YANBU don’t let any amount of guilt or emotional manipulation convince you otherwise

Your parent is crazy. Who the hell asks fheir kids something like that? Especially when you have a child of your own. Honestly they need a blunt conversation where they are told about themselves.

The only time my sibling has spent that kind of money on me was buying my wedding dress for me as a wedding a gift, which no one asked him to do, and he didn’t have a child either.

OP, you say in your first post that you're having mixed feelings about this request. But I get the idea you have one feeling only (to say no) and that your hesitation is about this much younger sibling being the favourite and you've got used to this different treatment over the years.

I'm astonished that your parent mentioned this to you in front of your sibling as though it were a foregone conclusion: this speaks volumes. This is a very odd family dynamic.

"2 parents and 2 siblings expected to pay, my other sibling who apparently came up with the idea, is very flakey and will likely contribute nothing as usual."

Nobody decides how I spend my money, except me. And that is exactly what I would be telling nasty-toned parent and flaky sibling. They want to send Golden Child and his girlfriend on an expensive holiday? Fine, but they are paying, not landing the cost of their grand gesture onto your shoulders. Cheeky Fuckers!

I'm going to take a wild guess and say - this isn't their first rodeo, is it? They've dumped shit on you before, haven't they?

'"NO" is a complete sentence.'

Text your parents and flaky sibling and tell them to cover your contribution and you'll cover their contribution to their grandchild's/neice or nephew big birthday holiday. The absolute cheek of it.

Just no. I have never heard of anyone paying for an expensive holiday for a family member and their GF, unless it was a contribution towards a holiday that you all were going on. It's his 21st, so make a point of buying him a lovely gift in the 100-200 pound range, but no adult needs all of their immediate family to fork out 600 quid each for them. It's not even that important a birthday. It's insane.

Just no. What a presumptuous load of wank.

That's crazy. YANBU. I wouldn't be willing to pay half of that for the sibling, either. They can pay for their own holidays, or your parents can cover it all, if they so choose (but I'd be making mental notes of the disparity in treatment of their various children).

I agree with PP who said to have a word with the flaky sibling who suggested it. There's no need to make life harder for everyone by introducing this type of nonsense.

It would probably be a no volunteering to pay for something without asking. It would be a big fat no from me if sibling that suggested will probably wriggle out of it.

No fucking way. Since when did they get to treat your money and other resources, like head space, as a communal resource? He can pay for his own fucking holiday with his girlfriend, or this generous parent stump up all the cost. Tell them to fuck off. No further discussion. Are you the older sister who's always been expected to put golden boy first? Fucking cheek of them.

Why has this come about if you never gives gifts like this? It seems really strange that they would suddenly do this and ask you to pay?

Say you have had second thoughts. Its pretty bad these folk have put you in such an awkward position. If you want to give something give say £50.

That's really unfair, @TwinklyRoseTurtle . It's a lovely idea, but it should have been presented as just that - an idea, and would you be prepared to contribute - not a done deal. It really put you on the spot!

I can see why gf would be included in said gift - a lone holiday wouldn't be the same, but it seems excessive for a 21st. More in keeping with a big anniversary or birthday present for older parents than a young couple ...

Fuck that! Parent should pay 🤣

I'm so sorry, but your parent needs to fuck right off. Who do they think they are, announcing you'll be spending your money on paying for your brother's girlfriends holiday??

If they want to do these grand gestures then they need to be able to afford the lot. Not spend other people's money and take the credit, and get shitty if you wont fund their plan. You should be asked to contribute what you can afford towards it. And only your brother's part.

Honestly wtf are they even thinking?? Are you a single parent too?

I’d be tempted to say let the other sibling pay ny share and I’ll pay her back.

@TwinklyRoseTurtle please be assertive and say no to this. You are not wealthy and you have a child whose birthday you are saving up for. This is on your sibling and parents to deal with. Do not let yourself get manipulated. 600£ to him and gf is 600£ you are depriving your child of (it might help you to stay firm if you repeat that to yourself).

SIL has done this in the past… DH is crap at organising presents for his parents so that usually falls to me, but on occasion I or DH have asked SIL for ideas and she says she’ll have a think. Then she’ll come back and say I’ve bought XYZ for parents, so can you send me half the money?
But for one she always spends more than us because she has more money and is closer to her parents when we are, so we wouldn’t usually spend that much.
For two she’s been known to buy things like “Worlds best grandparents” before we had kids, or stuff with her kids names on.
Now we just don’t ask her and make sure we’ve bought something before the suggestion of splitting anything might come up.