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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to contribute to the holiday?

230 replies

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 05/02/2026 16:56

I’m having mixed thoughts on this so would like others opinions please- I’m being vague so not too outing-

A close relative has asked me to contribute towards an expensive holiday for another close relative for a special birthday, but before asking me the had told the other relative it had already been agreed- I was caught off guard when asked in front of the other person and I’ve now found out that I wouldn’t just be paying for my relative- I would also be paying for their gf- for full clarity I would not be going on this holiday, AIBU to not contribute? I feel conflicted as this relative and I are close

OP posts:
PeppermintPatty10 · 05/02/2026 17:01

Of course YANBU, and you shouldn't have been volunteered for the contribution before being asked!
You could contribute the amount that you would usually spend on this relative's birthday present, as it sounds like you normally buy him a present, if you're close?

Something similar happened to me where a group of friends all asked to contribute £80 towards an experiential present for someone. I simply told everyone, sorry I can't do that much but take £30!

Diegolikestheclassics · 05/02/2026 17:01

Can you afford the contribution and would be happy to do so? Or, is the issue that you weren't consulted before the news was announced on your behalf? (Which I would not be happy about!)

If you can't afford it, then you'll have to say so.

If you can and don't mind the cost then I guess it depends on your relationships with all involved. If generally good and it was an oversight and you can afford it, then I'd do it.

If not good and this was in fact typical and rude behaviour I would be speaking to cheeky relative and considering what I want to do!

LavenderSweetPea · 05/02/2026 17:01

That's really not on, they should have asked you first. I don't think it would be unreasonable to just say no.

Original poster
TwinklyRoseTurtle · 05/02/2026 16:59

Shinyandnew1 · 05/02/2026 16:58

Who are all these people to you?

Eg,

Has your sister planned a holiday for your dad and his girlfriend and said that you and she will pay halves for the two of them?

'I would say to my dad, sorry I don't have that kind of money and my sister didn't ask me first'

Sorry I was trying to be vague so not outing- parent has asked me to pay for sibling and gf

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 05/02/2026 16:58

Who are all these people to you?

Eg,

Has your sister planned a holiday for your dad and his girlfriend and said that you and she will pay halves for the two of them?

'I would say to my dad, sorry I don't have that kind of money and my sister didn't ask me first'