Husband’s business, baby - do I need to be more resilient?

People are missing the fact it was an ok plan but its the unexpected redundancy that threw a spanner in the works
as long as he’s a viable business plan I’d give it 2 years to turn a profit

that said you have to be practical realistically could you finically get by for another 12 months

I don't think this is about your resilience.

Look up the statistics on how many UK businesses are successful. You can cheerlead and work on your resilience as much as you like, but let's be pragmatic.

He should be growing a business alongside working a job with regular pay.

I have started a business, and it took me a couple of years to make anything like something I could call an income. The business still goes through highs and lows and there are months when money is much tighter.

I think his timing and management is poor and really inconsiderate. He should be shouldering the financial burden alongside starting up or knock the idea on the head entirely until you are in a different season of life.

Bug nope to this.

I went self-employed in 2023, but almost immediately took a paid job because I was pregnant (my employer knew when they hired me).

I'm sticking in the role until next year, because we're moving house and it's easier to get the additional mortgage.

My husband changed jobs when I was clear I wouldn't have a child with someone in a high pressure role, and he changed jobs again once he was back off SPL, all with our family in mind (though I had to smooth over some grumbles when I said no, I would not support him in a hybrid role a hundred miles away, and pointed out that I wouldn't dream of doing something so selfish when I was bored in my job).

Because you're a team, and right now you have one tiny dependent.

The key issue as I see it is that you made a plan. Give the start up one year while you cover the bills on your income. But this plan has changed. You’ve been made redundant. As soon as that happened it was time to revisit the plan.

Financially you can’t now give your DH a year. Looking at your finances, what can you now support? He’s already had 3 months.
It might mean he needs to get a job a revisit this in a few years when your income is more stable.

Life happens and we have to roll with the punches. Carrying on blindly in the face of changing circumstances is not resilience.

When I went self employed (which included a period of retraining and not earning) I made sure that I had savings in the bank to cover 12 months of my half of the household bills first. I did this as a responsible adult and so as to not put undue stress on DH and DC.

As your DH has not done this he needs to accept that he has put undue stress on to you and be apologetic about it. It is irresponsible.

I wish you all the best with your job search, it must be stressful.

No, you don't need to be "more resilient", you need to be far less supportive of DH's nonsense. As soon as you were made redundant he should have shelved the plans for the business and got himself a job.

Neither of you have a job or savings. How are you planning on paying for food and other bills?

I understand it may be upsetting for DH that he will have to abandon his new business, especially if it's now or never, but he needs a bite of a reality sandwich.

You can't plan anything with fingers crossed and the hope that he may get a small amount of investment this month. That'll be spoken for the moment it lands in the business account, and will no doubt come with obligations, requirements, contracts, whatever.
People support their partner in setting up a business when it's almost certain to succeed - as someone said above, when it's been a successful side-hustle for a while. What is YOUR gut feeling about this business? Is there a realistic chance it might work? Or is he fannying about trying to convince himself (and you) that it's not just on a wing and a prayer.
You shouldn't feel as though you have to take on all the responsibility. It's time for him to face reality too m
Good luck anyway, I hope things work out.

You keep talking about funding OP. I realise you are repeating the words your OH is using, but realistically, we are not in a financial atmosphere where individuals or financial institutions have a lot of spare money to invest in new start ups by middle aged wannabe but untested and inexperienced entrepreneurs who don’t , according to what you have said, even have a product or service available to sell. This vague funding should have been locked down before he jacked in his paid employment, especially with the additional responsibilities of parenthood that you both have.

Your OP needs to get back into the workplace asap before his skills and knowledge are outdated and he becomes unemployable.

This is absolute madness. He needs to do Uber or deliveroo in the evenings if he's ✨ not allowed✨ a day job. He needs to provide financially to the family.

The business is started, you have the baby. It is what it is.
you have no choice but to be resilient, Op.
Think of the pioneers one hundred years ago.

You need to support each other for a good two years and give the business a great chance - or you will never forgive yourselves if you give up now.

Find a job. Call on all help offered by parents etc.
DH buys or borrows a mower and he starts a lawn mowing side hustle. He also is the main child carer if you go back to work (unless he has funding and is over worked by then)

He’s a moron for leaving his job without an up and running business that is already generating income and projected growth to cover his part of the household expenses.

Dh left his job when dd was 4 months old and I was on mat leave. He decided when she was probably about a month old that he couldn’t cope much longer. He drew up a business plan and we discussed how we’d make it work in the transition period. He spent 3 months working FT at his job and then coming home and doing all the start up for the business 6pm-midnight with dd strapped to him in a sling. He worked probably 60 hour weeks those few months.

So that when his notice period was up and he left his job, he had already replaced his salary. He earned more than his previous salary that first year and that business turns over close to £100k a month 12 years later. He needs to be making money. Otherwise it’s a hobby. He can work in employment while still building his business.

If he’s not yet at the stage of attracting funding, he still needs to be making money. Start ups are great for single tech bros or heirs to titles, but normal people have bills to pay and need to be working unless they saved a substantial buffer to cover this period.

Just because he gets emotional about not succeeding doesn’t mean:

1. you can’t get emotional about him not succeeding, and
2. your family has to pander to his emotions

He expected funding in December. It didn’t arrive. You have no money left. He simply MUST go back to work and try again in a year or two when you have saved money, he has a proper business plan and plan to QUICKLY get investment.

you are right to feel how you do because HE is the one who is being unreasonable.

And no you don’t need to be more resilient.

I’ll put this out there. My DB is starting his own business soon (coffee van). He knows he really needs 2 vans to make a profit. He has a business partner though. His current job has caused his hands/wrists to get carpel tunnel syndrome for which he needs an operation this year so he has to quit that job. Luckily his DW earns enough for mortgage and bills but not for nursery for their 2 year old.

They have little or no savings left now too but my DB is being supported in this by his DW. He has no other options apart from filming tv work but most of this is long hours or far from home and that’s no good with a young family.

what kind of business is it, not financial planning i hope?

Of course it was utter madness for him to do that until you had gone back and re-established yourself.

That is all water under the bridge. He needs to find a new job, and so do you. Good luck.

Well when you return to work you’ll have to have money for childcare so this will either come out of your salary or both salaries. Then there’s rent, mii it mortgage and bills.

It seems crazy that he’s starting this new business on a wing and a prayer and waiting on supposed funding to come through. I’d be wanting assurances from him that he would definitely find a new job should the funding not come through.

Start looking for another job asap.

This isnt about resilience though...

I think what you are really asking is should I endure more?
Should suffer more hardship uncomplainingly?

My answer:
No. I dont think you should. I certainly wouldnt.

You say yourself by the end of the month the redundancy money will be gone you have no savings and no income.
How will you pay for gas and food?
You have a child... IMO you are already in reckless/ foolhardy territory.
I wouldnt support my dh in this.

And yes before he gave up work he should have been saving to support himself for however long it was likely to get the self-employed income stream coming in- not rely on your redundancy pay.

Where are you getting all of this nonsense about resilience from? It's nothing to do with resilience and everything to do with paying the bills.

Quitting your job with no savings while your wife is on mat leave to start a business that won't make any money for ages is nuts. You either need to have loads of savings, or one person needs to be a high earner in a very stable job, it seems here that neither are true?

If you go ack to work will your salary cover all bills, day to day living and full time childcare? If not he needs to park the business and get a paying role.

My DH has his own business which has now been going 10 years and employs 35 people. It was only 3 years ago that he took a salary and was balancing the business against other paid employment.

Your DH is talking bullshit. Of course he can work alongside progressing his business even if it is a part time job in your local supermarket for a few hours on an evening. At least then there would be some financial contribution.

Doesn't sound like you need to be more resilient more that he needs to plan better. At the very least there should have been a contingency built in for this scenario.

90% of startups fail to make it past 10 years. These things take time. Sounds like you are both very naive.

Good grief are you both mad?

I seriously cannot think of a worse time to give up paid employment than when your wife is about to give birth, even if the redundancy was a surprise. I would have absolutely made a fuss about this- surely he could have waited until your child was 1 and you were back at work?

He needs to get a paid job, part time if absolutely necessary to continue his self-employed project, and not bank on this investment coming in. Surely if the investment comes in it’s for the business anyway, not to pay your food bill.

I think you should also consider going back full time asap too- and then cutting hours down once your partner is earning an income. You’re only at the start of your parenting life- as well as keeping a secure house you really should be saving for emergencies, and even things like uni, not leaving the home without any income coming in.

Is it your husband who keeps telling you that you should be more resilient?

Oh babe. He's an absolute tool. No plan, no savings, no buffer. What on earth has he been doing if he can't make a product until he has funding?

Why are you working for him for free?

I would be absolutely furious and I would not be plastering on a pretend happy face after he shafted me like that.