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Original poster

Grandparents

32 replies

Loulou2980 · 04/02/2026 23:59

Won’t let me change the topic but anyway…. I need some advice.
So my mother and I have had a falling out. Well she’s decided she doesn’t want to have contact with me at the moment because I made it clear to her that I can’t always travel down to her to visit her with my 7 month old so she can see her grandchild. She lives an hr and 40 minutes away. 2 train rides. So I explained to her that she could always make the effort to come up to our home sometimes. A 50/50 situation. She didn’t like it so she said she wanted to some space. Of course I’m upset that I don’t have any contact with my mother unless it’s important I guess but I feel more hurt that my son doesn’t get to see his Nana. He’s growing really fast and he’s recognising faces and I’m afraid there isn’t going to be a bond between them and that really hurts my heart. Do I just make all of the effort to go to her so she gets to have a relationship with her grandchild? I’m not really sure what to do. I would be grateful for any advice you guys have.

OP posts:
MamaMumMama · 05/02/2026 05:57

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. Does she always have to get her way? She sounds very narcissistic. You haven’t done anything wrong. It is hard to travel with a youngster - all the kit you need to carry with you. Very strange that she wouldn’t want to come and see you. Don’t back down, that’s what she wants and then you’ll be stuck in a her way or the highway cycle. Have you got other support?

sesquipedalian · 05/02/2026 05:52

OP, I can’t understand a grandmother who would expect her DD to travel with a seven month old rather than travelling herself to see them, and two trains is not a big deal When my DD was on maternity leave, I used to visit as often as I could, stopped only by the ruinous cost of train fares. (I live more than 1 hr 40 from my DD.) I really don’t understand your DM - could it be that she is short of money and doesn’t want to tell you?

Zanatdy · 05/02/2026 05:39

It’s not unreasonable at all. I was the one who had to make all the journeys to see my family (bar a very small number of visits) but as I moved away (250 miles) I felt obliged to be the one doing that. My mum would not have stopped speaking to me though had I suggested she visit me more. I would find that hard to move on from, that she is prepared to sacrifice seeing her grandson to make some kind of weird point. It’s hard work travelling with young DC, and yes it can be harder when older but sure you wouldn’t have suggested it had she not been capable of it.

youalright · 05/02/2026 05:21

Does she regularly use trains is this something shes definitely able to do. Its all well and good saying just get a couple of trains put if there's physical disability, mh issues or financial issues shes to embarrassed to admit there might be more to it. Is she still regularly leaving the house going to work, meeting friends.

UncharteredWaters · 05/02/2026 05:17

She’s having a strop. Don’t reward bad behaviour or huffing.

Tourmalines · 05/02/2026 05:14

Depends how you said it .

HardworkSendHelp · 05/02/2026 00:04

If you offered to take turns at visiting then you r mother is being unreasonable. Much easier for your mother to get on a train than you with a child. Is she elderly/retired? Does she have other grandchildren

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