To feel the loss. Twinless twin

It’s really something to see you mirror my argument back to me. I’m flattered, and a little amused by the textbook deflection you can’t seem to recognise.

There’s no faux compassion here. I genuinely empathize with the OP and the abuse she’s encountered.

It’s a shame you can’t see that, but trauma affects people differently I suppose. For some it builds empathy, for others it seems to dull sensitivity to others’ pain or blinds you to thinking your trauma is the only thing that matters.

I don’t believe you would be sharing the fact that you are traumatised if you wouldn’t want some recognition for it. It’s just a shame you resort to plaguing someone else’s thread. Kindly, think about therapy as it hasn’t worked. All the best now 🩷

Chickencuddle.... I just wanted to say that you sound like such a lovely kind person. And clearly well suited to your role in the school too, I bet you make a difference to those troubled kids.

Good luck with your therapy. It is likely to be a long journey. One of the things I will say is, it may help to write your Mother a letter with everything you wish to say... Then do what you wish with it: keep it, bury it, burn it... It can be really healing.

Also be sure to comfort young Chickencuddle who lives inside you and learn to love her like she deserves to be loved. You sound like a really lovely person and I'm sure your twin is by your side energetically xx

Pure deflection love. You’ve been called out for your behaviour by several people on this thread and rather than acknowledge it, you are slinging mud and it’s not going to stick.

We all have personal biases and I don’t think I’m letting them cloud my judgement of you, rather I’d happily call out bullying in the guise of “being brutally honest” any day of the week.

So yeah, go be proud of your “well thought out” argument and leave the OP alone hey?

I think you’re letting your feelings get in the way of the facts here—ironically.

Where exactly have I minimized your experiences? Feel free to point that out.

You quoted your stepdaughter’s comment because you believed it had merit, right?

It also comes across like you’re frustrated that the OP is receiving sympathy for what you see as a “lesser” trauma than your own, which led you to call her an attention seeker. That’s not fair or constructive.

I am. We were born at 28 weeks. She was born first and didn’t live. My mum didn’t know she was expecting twins and while they were dealing with my sister I appeared. They didn’t have incubators in the late 60’s so I was in a cot lying on sheepskin with lightbulbs around it. I was given a spoonful of raw egg a day to build me up. I was told my sister died because I kicked her out of the womb! I feel very guilty about that, I miss my sister and always imagine what life would be like with her here. I am also obsessed with twins and multiple births.

Are you jealous? Is it touching a nerve? Maybe start your own thread?

feelingsarentfacts

There is no 'perhaps' about a twins bond.

Posting for solidarity with a very similar story. Also a twinless twin, my sister died at birth due to birth complications. My family chose not to tell me and I found out via a random child at school.
My mum went through a very hard time of family illness and bereavements when I was a young child but she always had her own twin sister to turn to and she talks about being a twin a lot.
I often think how can you miss something you never had but I do have a gap in my life that I think should have us been us growing up together x
sorry that ended up as a bit of a ramble but no you aren’t crazy

My Dad was an identical twin and he lost his twin brother in the war as a young man. Dad talked about his brother and missed him until the day he died. They had plans to open a post office together after the war and had other shared hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled. Twins share a unique bond that is irreplaceable.

You’re projecting here. Framing your own trauma as more valid because of how you think another generation “would have” reacted. That’s not a fact.

It sounds like you’re minimizing the OP’s experience without knowing her full story, while centering your own. Her point isn’t a lack of empathy for her mother’s loss, it’s about how she’s been treated personally.

You’re tiresome. You are incredibly tedious and emotionally stunted. The dullest person imaginable. Yawn.

Not a twinless twin, but I was the child born after the loss of a baby at birth. I had a realisation recently that somewhere in my childhood I had come to the conclusion that if my brother had lived I would not have been born (probably technically true tbh), and that basically that feeling - that someone else died for me to live - has contributed to my excessive people-pleasing. I had to be excellent at school etc to "make up" for my brother's death. As an adult now I know of course this is illogical and nothing could ever make up for it, but that realisation really helped me see the emotional patterns I'd fallen into.

I think we all have things in our backgrounds that can contribute to our personalities and emotional quirks both helpful and unhelpful, but I do think that there's a lot of baggage to being "the one who lived" in the case of child loss .

OP has listened to you. Your posts are very long and focussed on your own trauma for someone calling others attention seeking.