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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regularly spend weekends away when SC are here?

208 replies

Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:06

My hometown is X. SC live primarily with their mum in Y. We (me, DH, DD3 and DD1) live in Z, which is equidistant between X and Y and two hours to each. Before anyone asks, SC’s mum moved, and I wasn’t the other woman!

We have SD13 and SS10 every other weekend. We all get on pretty well, but SD is often hormonal and dramatic at the moment, and SS is obsessed with sport. Due to the age gap, we often ‘divide and conquer’ so DH will end up entertaining SC somewhere whilst I look after DC alone. A lot of the cooking and chores fall to me on these weekends as DH - understandably - wants to focus on SC.

In the last few years, a lot of my friends have moved back to X and started families. My family is still there. I miss them and just being there. So I’ve started going back one weekend a month.

DC love it. SC don’t appear to care either way and I suspect enjoy having their dad to themselves. DH is unimpressed. AIBU to carry on?

OP posts:
BowstotheSettingSun · 04/02/2026 16:48

BlanketBlues · 04/02/2026 16:09

Probably because he has to parent his own children and even cook and clean at the same time?

Or maybe because he'd like his children to spend some time together.?

WallaceinAnderland · 04/02/2026 16:48

There is a decade between the children so they won't have much in common at this age. When yours are older you can do things together such as swimming or theme parks but right now there's not much that is fun for everyone. Much better to do things separately for a while so that DH can make the most of his time with the SC.

The fact that he doesn't want to spend similar time with your children is a worry though.

RichardOnslowRoper · 04/02/2026 16:46

His domestic appliance has malfunctioned, so he's pissed.

FrostyPalms · 04/02/2026 16:45

As long as the half siblings are all spending some time together I don't think there's a problem here.

Original poster
Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:45

Starzinsky · 04/02/2026 16:37

It doesn't seem much of a family unit if your other half is excluded from visits with your family. I guess you can't have it all with blended families but I can see it from your DH's point of view too. You are happier to spend 25% of your weekend time a month away from him.

I thought I’d have more responses like this.

I have suggested we (me, DH and DC) go on one weekend a month when we don’t have SC, but he doesn’t want to commit to that either. I wouldn’t want to spend 50% of my weekends “off” staying at his family’s either so I get it.

We do take SC to my hometown once or occasionally twice a year, but we agree it’s too far for them on a weekend (would mean 16hrs in the car) so it’s quite hard to integrate them.

OP posts:
MeridianB · 04/02/2026 16:39

This is 95% about him having to pull his weight and do things he should be doing anyway, and 5% about his male pride Disney family ideas.

Which means you’re 100% right to scoot off for the weekend.

The fact you take your little DC means he can have really important 1:1 and 1:2 time with his older children - something that often gets forgotten in these situations. So feel free to tell him you’re doing him a big favour by having a few weekends away.

TimezoneEarth · 04/02/2026 16:37

BlanketBlues · 04/02/2026 16:09

Probably because he has to parent his own children and even cook and clean at the same time?

Nailed it!

PeloMom · 04/02/2026 16:37

YANBU. I would do that both weekends the DSC are there. They’re old enough to help DH tidy up as they go and get meals ready for the 3 of them.

Starzinsky · 04/02/2026 16:37

It doesn't seem much of a family unit if your other half is excluded from visits with your family. I guess you can't have it all with blended families but I can see it from your DH's point of view too. You are happier to spend 25% of your weekend time a month away from him.

sonjadog · 04/02/2026 16:36

It isn't every time they come over, so I don't see the problem. You still get plenty of time to be a family all together.

schoolfriend · 04/02/2026 16:33

It sounds like a great solution for everyone to be honest, including the SC who get their Dad's full attention.

Original poster
Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:32

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2026 16:28

Maybe think about moving back to X

so you go and dh has to then cook and look after his kids - shame

I would love to move back to X, but it won’t happen until SC are adults because we couldn’t do eight hour trips to collect or drop them off.

Z is also better for both of our jobs, and there’s better schools here. But I do miss X more and more.

OP posts:
BlueRose120 · 04/02/2026 16:31

Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:09

Because we are spending less “family time” together but I honestly don’t think SC care. I suspect it is also because I am not around to cook/tidy up/organise.

Show quote history

He is unimpressed as he is having to look after HIS children alone for once.

Carry on.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/02/2026 16:31

I would up it to twice a month. Gives you and your children a chance to socialise and you're not waiting on your DH and his children.

PepsiBook · 04/02/2026 16:30

It does sound like he wants you to play house maid whilst his kids are there.
Maybe phase it to him as "ah, you want all the kids together, so they all see eachother. Absolutely fine. I'll leave the younger kids home next time I go". I doubt this is his issue!

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/02/2026 16:29

If all the kids are happy then I think it's fine. It might be nicer for the step kids this way, half the time they get to see their young siblings, the other half they get their dad alone in peace.

Original poster
Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:28

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/02/2026 16:22

Yanbu. And you shouldn’t have been doing most of the cooking and cleaning so he could concentrate on SDC. He should be doing as much as any other time, there shouldn’t be a red carpet rolled out which means he gets to shirk his responsibilities.

Getting out and seeing your friends and family is the perfect answer.

Edited

Before DC came along, we both treated SC weekends as time to focus on them, and chores and time for ourselves were done in the week or the weekends they weren’t here.

This has sort of continued as DH didn’t want them to feel adversely affected by DC. But obviously things like cinema or bowling or even homework isn’t really something that can be done with two tinies. I could tag along with one baby, but not one baby and a toddler!

We spend all of our holidays together and to be honest, it’s similar in that DH will often be with SC and me with DC. So I like that I get a bit of a break when I stay in my hometown.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/02/2026 16:28

Maybe think about moving back to X

so you go and dh has to then cook and look after his kids - shame

DisforDarkChocolate · 04/02/2026 16:26

I'd be unimpressed with him leaving you to parent his child just because it's easier. What a waste of space.

Travel more.

MajorProcrastination · 04/02/2026 16:24

I think it's sad that the SC and your C aren't spending the time together. But it sounds like that wasn't happening before either. When my SD was younger and would come over twice a week, a major part of that was her relationship with her siblings here, especially during the week.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/02/2026 16:22

Yanbu. And you shouldn’t have been doing most of the cooking and cleaning so he could concentrate on SDC. He should be doing as much as any other time, there shouldn’t be a red carpet rolled out which means he gets to shirk his responsibilities.

Getting out and seeing your friends and family is the perfect answer.

Octavia64 · 04/02/2026 16:19

Yeah with that sort of age gap and if they live primarily with mum they won’t see it as one big family.

my ExH has similar delusions.

Justchillinhere · 04/02/2026 16:18

Once a month is not too much to ask and taking your children with you, I'd continue and enjoy spending time with people you love that support you, he has quality time with his children but no maid, sounds a great solution

Original poster
Estebanjo · 04/02/2026 16:18

cadburyegg · 04/02/2026 16:15

So you’re taking your joint dc with you? YANBU at all

Yes I always take DC. They love seeing my family and I have friends with kids similar ages there.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 04/02/2026 16:17

DH is unimpressed

If you said to him, 'you appear to only want me here so that you can play with your kids, whilst I do all the work with ours, PLUS all the cooking and cleaning?!'