To regularly spend weekends away when SC are here?

The way you are doing it sounds very balanced. What he wants doesn’t sound balanced at all.

It sounds great, everyone's winning except, possibly, in his eyes, your husband. Crack on! 😀

I don't think YABU as such, but I don't think you're prioritising all the children's relationships with each other. I really value my relationships with my half siblings - I don't even consider them half - and that's down to my parents.

What about going to X one month on a weekend your SC are with their dad, and the next month when they're with their mum? That way, the children would be together for three out of the four visits rather than two.

The more time they have together, the better they can decide if they want to remain close as adults.

Dare I say, it does sound as if you don't value the relationships between the children as much as your DH. Not that that should mean the cooking and cleaning falls to you!

Edited to add that the half-sibling closest in age to me is 12 years younger and the youngest is 22 years younger. You can be close to half-siblings regardless of the age gap if it's facilitated.

He’s not impressed because he’s not getting hot meals.

It's wildly unrealistic! He just can't choose to create two separate groups of kids a decade and several hours apart, and expect the relationships are going to be close. If it happened regardless, lovely, but as you say, the odds were always against it. The only person who'll feel any of this is a big happy nuclear family is him.

But you divide and conquer so how much family time do you really miss. Its one weekend a month tell him to suck it up

Spot on !!

I think your DH is a bit unrealistic to expect that half siblings with such an age gap will have a great strong bond if they will see each other 2 weekends instead of one. It’s not enough and I mean it nicely as both DH and I have about the same gap with our FULL siblings.
I think your aim should be equal opportunities, mutual respect, no annoyance and sharing the most important moments (still realistically, not your kids first nativity but SC’s GCSE results). And then you just hope that it will be a good base for better relationship when they are older.
A lot depends on if they would live close to each other, have the same interests or would go through the same stage at the same time.

However I agree with others that things are probably much simpler and your DH misses your cooking, cleaning and parenting him and SC. So if I were you I would continue with one weekend away and would do a nice day out all of you together on the other weekend with SC.

I'd go the free weekend and leave the kids with him 🤣🤣

Agree, not sure how much difference 1 weekend a month as opposed to 2 makes here. Unless the DSC are very keen to engage with toddlers, and it doesn't sound like they are, invitably they're going to be doing pretty different things on contact weekends. That would still be true if they were all under 1 roof 4 nights a month instead of 2.

Yes I think this only works if he comes with you all to X every second visit and you go on your own with kids the other time - otherwise, as you say he is getting a weekend off plus presumably you want him to get to know your friends and family in X too?

It is also possible that everyone is vilifying your DH a bit here, it might just be a bit more lonely and awkward with two teens alone with their dad vs the energy when you and the other kids are there…

I would do it for as long as you can! I wish I could do the same!!

And then they can get together when they're older. OP's step kids can drive down when they're able if they want.

But as they're not living together and there's a significant age gap, they likely won't be close at any point. If OP's husband had his kids half the time, possibly they could bond. But given the distances involved and his kids are about to be teens, I don't see them closely bonding as sibling at any point. They just won't have the shared memories and connections for that to happen.

He's got a first family and a second family and there's no effort to bridge that.

Well its clear your children are yours and your additional duties are skivvy to him and his children when he plays disney dad.

I bet he'd prefer you stayed around to skivvy for him, then take your two children off, so he has a free weekend.

I hope this has clarified your job as skivvy.
Selfish men like him always quickly line up a naive mug to take on skivvy duties for their children after they split up.

My advice is absolutely continue to go to your family.
Returning to X should be an option if he gives you guff.
He is all about himself and your value is the unpaid help.

He is busy with his older children for two weekends and would like to see the back of you with the two younger ones for another weekend?

Surely that should make it crystal clear how litte he cares about the younger children and is focused on himself and not doing ANY grunt work.
Holidays are also you parenting alone.
Wake up OP.

MN is full of mugs like you that got caught by a selfish man.
Start looking out fof yourself.
He has an utter fool made of you.
I hope this thread is helping you see this.

He sounds crap.
I'm unimpressed with him.

Rightly so, he's being a hypocrite. I agree with you he doesn't like having to do the work of parenting DSC solo.

TBH, even if all four children had the same mother and father and lived in the same house permanently, the age gap would still be a factor. The teens still would spend less time with the pre-schoolers. You wouldn't be expecting your own teens to go to Peppa Pig World with the tots. You wouldn't be dragging the tots to ten-pin bowling. It's not just about being step-siblings.

"Due to the age gap, we often ‘divide and conquer’ so DH will end up entertaining SC somewhere whilst I look after DC alone. A lot of the cooking and chores fall to me on these weekends as DH - understandably - wants to focus on SC."

Well, no - I don't find this understandable. Not unless your husband aspires to be a Disney Dad. Parenting is about more than making sure they're fed and clothed, it's also about turning out functioning adults. So, to parent his teens properly, he has to be modelling functioning adult behaviour - which involves providing your own needs of food and a liveable environment. He should be cooking meals with them, tidying up with them, involving them in cutting the grass so that they can all spend the evening in the garden, etc. Just spending his time entertaining them is not parenting - it is babysitting.

"DC love it. SC don’t appear to care either way and I suspect enjoy having their dad to themselves. DH is unimpressed. AIBU to carry on?"
YANBU. Your husband needs to see that he needs to do more than entertain his teens - he needs to RAISE them. And that involves teaching them about "cooking and chores" and a fair division of domestic labour between males and females. Or does he want to turn out a subordinate daughter and a lazy entitled son?

This sounds really nice and quite important for you and DC. I think it's DH who needs to do a bit of processing here.

Yes I agree with the majority that he’s a lazy bugger ans you should continue doing what you’re doing. I bet his older kids really enjoy having their dad just to themselves.

It's really quite sad that you know your own husband is so lazy / selfish / thinks so little of you that he would prefer you to skivvy around after him than see your own friends/ family for just 1 weekend per month.

Sorry, what’s that got to do with an axe to grind?

The OP put her issue in on a public forum. She got a truthful answer.

Not sure why this has upset you?

Once a month to see those in your hometown is not unreasonable. Even more so given DH and his wish to be as minimal a parent to his older children as possible.

I agree that you should leave him with all the kids for a weekend so that he can enjoy time with all of his DC together 100% of the weekend.

Or at least take yourself on a shopping trip all day so that he is forced to make food (although if youre feeling kind you can always return home with a takeway)

He's just trying to wangle childcare for HIS children so HE doesn't have to be a parent. Stick to your weekends away. If he moans, tell him you've thinking of going back to your home town every fortnight because he needs more practice at being a parent. Watch his face when you say it.

Talking about Op not liking the stepkids around etc.