To go away alone for 40th Birthday?

Your husband is a d*ck for a few reasons;
He has got to this stage of parenting and cannot look after his own child for a few days (how embarrassing for him, I'm a send parent and it's hard but realistically it is not impossible is it, because you do it)
He was happy to leave you regularly to manage looking after your child alone despite him believing this is an impossible task
He can't return the favour and is ruining your birthday plans with zero suggestions for how he can make this work for you

You need to jump on this, as much as anything, what if something awful happened to you - someone else absolutely must be able to care for your child. You also deserve a regular break, caring is hard. Your husband needs to step up, he can practice whilst you spend a day or two at a spa and then when he's more confident book your 40th holiday and enjoy guilt free (switch your phone off as he's likely to message with guilt trips and queries).
Also - do you want to be married to someone who behaves this way. I wouldn't, it's deeply unattractive when men can't nurture or care for their own children, and this level of selfishness when he knows you need a break is really grim.

Hi op can you not do something with your mum for your birthday go away somewhere. Your dh is basically letting you get on with your responsibilities as a mum but he’s not taking his responsibilities seriously. Look at this way if you got ill went into hospital or worse he would have to step up so just go away it won’t kill your dh if you let him step up now for your special birthday. It should be 50/50 either way why should you feel guilty for having a break? He had 3 last year I bet he didn’t feel guilty.

You should go away 3 times exactly as your dh did. Parenting isn't optional just because he has a penis.

Go and have a relaxing time, you deserve it!
My DH would say to me-you know I cant cope with all 3 of them! Bearing in mind that there is a gap in ages, our DS’s are 8 and 10 years older than our DD so they were helpful looking after her
He’s been away numerous times with work, lovely parts of the world, time off to explore whilst there,
Been abroad with his friends
I work too, pre-school so term time, we’ve had some lovely family UK holidays but I’ve never been away by myself, felt like we could never afford it.
Have regrets now but hopefully will make up for it , DD is in Y11, once shes 18, maybe Uni? I’m definitely taking myself off to explore.

Go solo do is being extremely selfish. Tell him to hire a baby sitter

Your husband needs to learn! He’s 50% responsible for him, it’s ridiculous that he says he can’t do it. He just hasn’t practiced enough. Definitely go.

I would love a holiday alone. It’s not sad at all. You definitely need it and thoroughly deserve it!

He can cope…he just doesn’t want to do it! I’d be going on that break and making it a regular thing even if it’s a weekend away. He’s the father so saying he can’t cope would not be an excuse for me…if he can’t cope with his own child then I wouldn’t be coping with him as a husband! Don’t make life so easy for him that he takes you for granted..

Go yourself and enjoy every second of peace !

Do both.

Go away for your 40th with your family and then give yourself a 40th birthday present of a solo break too. Knowing you have a solo break booked whilst away with your family will do wonders to your mood whilst away with them.

I'm really hoping you can afford two trips.

Absolutely bloody go away on your own! I go abroad every year on my own and leave dh with the dc. If you can cope parenting solo while he travels, he can cope parenting solo while you do. You don’t possess some magic wand that makes it easier, you just get on with it. As should he.

You can’t predict what the future holds. I have advanced cancer. It’s likely my Dh will one day be parenting solo all the time. Your Dh needs to learn how to parent and get on with it while it’s only a few days.

Why does it have to be on the exact date? If your mum can help then wait. This is not about your husband being lazy it's about what your son can cope with right now

You should definitely go alone, I hope you have an amazing time.
For the sake of your child your husband needs to learn how to look after him, your child needs another adult in case you get poorly and can’t look after him.

Your husband is absolutely taking the piss OP. If he gets three solo holidays a year then so do you. Your son did not just magically develop a better relationship with you - it takes time and effort, which is what your husband needs to put in to improve his relationship with his own child. Make your 40th the year you stand up to this nonsense.

I think you know the answer deep down. Go.
I am an older you several years on and I know how hard it is. Your son needs time away from you and you from him. PDA is draining and unless you have lived it and been the focal parent no-one else will understand. My DH is great with our kids but it's me who is the focal parent. Our son's pathological attempts to disrupt everything mean that he focuses on me, as he sees me as the main carer, despite us sharing the tasks equally. It will be hard to go because his need for you to be there is so great and as his mum you know how to support him. But that's why you need to go. Go now and go regularly.
In 10, even 20, years time you wont regret it.
Please go.

Go solo for the sake of your sanity

Husband is 100% being unreasonable and needs to suck it up for you. He’s had 3 breaks last year yet you don’t get one. Phrase it in this way to him too.

You must go. I would also suggest that perhaps you make this a regular thing if possible if your husband can go, then you should go.

I am mum to an 8 year old ASD, ADHD and PDA and I totally understand. My husband has our son once or twice a year on his own for a weekend while I catch up with friends so 100% go on your own. If your husband can't cope with your son he has to learn. This is the perfect opportunity. Go enjoy your birthday and enjoy some down time.

You've been away without your DS before.

Go somewhere great for your 40th for 4 days minimum.

Your DH doesnt sound great tbh. consideringhis generally unwillingness to be a father / do his fair share i think those holidays are an absolute pisstake.

You're entitled to some life too, how come your dh can't care for him? Sounds more like he doesn't want to because you already pick up all that work.
Do it, book it and definitely go, it's your 40th fgs and alone would be my choice

Does your dh acknowledge that the burden falls on you and he gets breaks you don’t? Or does he just think he deserves them more and it’s your job to suck it up and soldier on, but he’s special and can’t do that? If the latter just go. A solo break sounds marvellous. I had a solo night alone last year and it was wonderful.

Go and maybe also do a mini trip for just 2 weekend days and a Saturday night so your SH can 'practice' looking after your child. If it's a disaster well then he needs more practice!

This isn’t fair at all. He needs to learn to cope and you need to be able to have a break.

Op that's really unfair. You and dh should have equal time for holidays. If he can go away then you should be able to go away. He needs to step up and improve his relationship with ds to enable to you to have your downtime. If he won't then he doesn't get to have that downtime away from family if it means you can't equally. You're a partnership, it needs to be fair.

If you husband cant cope with your son who will look after him whilst your away?
You should be entitled to the same opportunities as your husband.