Husband touched me when I was sleeping

Your experience isn’t reflective of a normal, loving, consensual relationship OP. You’re not unreasonable for having been made to feel uncomfortable (violated?) by this.
The key here is it was unwanted. But how was he to know it’s unwanted? Well, quite clearly, it wasn’t approved or requested, because you were asleep.

Consent is the key here. The OP doesn't consent and it's a new strange thing in her relationship., which doesn't sound normal or healthy. Why are you minimising that?

Several times I’ve woken up holding dh hand, no idea who holds who’s hand first as we are both asleep. I know that’s a different situation to what OP is describing just using it as an example.

In no way did I say those words, that is a terrible thing to accuse me of. Please do not respond to my posts anymore.

I think consent still applies even in romantic relationships.

You wake them up first.

You need separate beds at a minimum if you won’t leave.

In a normal healthy relationship yes you might gently touch each other but this is clearly not the case here and he is using sharing the same bed as a way to touch you when you don’t want it.

They’re all the bloody same aren’t they 🤮

A history of coercive behaviour? Get rid.

Sorry OP x

His response tells you everything you need to know, OP. This would be the final straw for me.

So bloody what? No one except you gives a damn about your sex life and what you do and don't enjoy. The OP has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want to be groped in her sleep.

Either you're telling her what happened to her is fine because you like that kind of thing, or you're talking at random about your sex life because for some inexplicable reason you think the women of Mumsnet are desperate to hear about it. Neither option reflects well on you.

Ok no problem, thanks for the lovely reply :)

...can't believe 19% of people clicked that they think this is OK...!

Maybe anyone who does not have an understanding of the context of “coercive control” which was mentioned in the OP should keep their irrelevant experiences to themselves. How exactly are they intended to help the OP?

For you. Which is the important point.

It clearly isn't the case for OP or some others on this thread.

If I'm asleep, I'm asleep and I expect my husband to respect the fact that I'm sleeping.

That is not ok behaviour from him.
I wouldn’t particularly care if my dh touched my breast in my sleep, I would wonder why and what he was doing but our marriage is good and he is not prone to sexual abuse or any of that type of behaviour.
He would however not pinch my nipple when I was sleeping, that is not only sexual assault that’s physical violence and I don’t think it would even occur to him to do that. I would be extremely worried if my dh did this and for him to deny it and blame you for being ‘mad’ is even more worrying

Exactly. I just didn’t know how to word this without seeming like I condone abuse.

The rest of your relationship is key for context. My husband and I are intimate and our relationship is respectful and sex is always consensual. We cuddle in the night and hands may wander. If I said no, my husband would stop. If I woke up and said that it made me uncomfortable, he would stop and apologize. Only you know OP what is acceptable and within the boundaries of your relationship and its current state of affairs. The fact that you don’t feel it’s right and have come on here to ask for advice says that you know it’s unacceptable.

Please don't put your children above your safety, physical and mental. You'd not be able to look after your children at all if you are beaten down.

I understand life would be easier as far as care for your children, but harder in every other way. Children learn behaviour from the parents so in the long term having a coercive and controlling dad is not good for them at all.

Take good care OP.

I posted about this years ago and I was clear that the marriage was abusive. Despite that people ridiculed me and repeatedly compared their situation with mine like they are doing here. Loving snuggles from a nice husband are not the same as unwanted nasty gropes from an abuser. The thread was a pity fest of people feeling sorry for him and calling me a prude.

Op you said he has history of coercive control but none lately. I disagree. Coercive control doesn’t stop, it just changes form. You should not be in therapy with a coercive controller. it is not a relationship problem that can be overcome.

An escalation from coercive control into sexual assault is very serious. My situation escalated into much more than touching. He recorded himself assaulting me and ejaculating on me while I slept. I reported him to the police but no action was taken.

Start to plan your divorce but in the meantime sleep in another bedroom, preferably somewhere you can lock or wedge the door shut from him. You need to stop sharing a bed with him as you are not safe. If you are asleep you cannot give consent which means he is sexually assaulting you.

Your example isn’t comparable. Consent requires awareness and the ability to respond. OP was asleep, distressed by it, and didn’t consent — that’s the difference.
Most couples initiate sex by testing the waters with reciprocation. When that isn’t possible, or the response is negative, it stops. That didn’t happen here.