Husband touched me when I was sleeping

I didn’t say that’s what happened to the OP, you were questioning what I said about my relationship.

The OPs husband has a history of co ercive behaviour. It's really irrelevant whether every person on this thread wouldn't mind having their breast or other body parts touched, it is clearly an issue for the OP

Ghaunj
Perhaps I'm being romantic/naive but no friends family of your own you could discreetly stay with?

To the OP, I am so sorry you are going through this and feel so isolated and trapped. What he is doing is not okay, it IS abusive and you are totally right to feel repulsed by him and his sinister denial of it in the morning, especially with his history of coercive control. I would agree with others saying you need to get out of this marriage but understand why this is so difficult. I really think you need to start making plans of how you are going to get out of this, technically, with two autistic children, he should be the one to leave the house. I don't know where you're based but I'm attaching some links to websites that might be helpful and have helplines you can ring for advice.

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

https://www.flows.org.uk/

https://www.wgn.org.uk/get-help-now/

There is support out there for you, you are not alone, and there are a lot of women who have been in or are still trapped in similar situations. I know your situation seems impossible but you are stronger than you think. You are a strong mother to two children and you were strong enough to know he was being coercive and controlling and confront him and seek out therapy for it.

To all those saying it's fine for a partner to wake you up by fondling your intimate parts in the hope of getting sex makes me slightly queasy, maybe my own history of abuse has coloured my opinions.

There are ways to be gently roused from your sleep by a loving partner, like gentle neck kissing or stroking of an arm or back or neck. To go straight in for the breasts or genitals is, in my opinion, all for his benefit and not particularly gentle or loving. I suppose it depends on what turns you on in a relationship but any man assuming ownership of my intimate parts is a big NO for me. Just because I married him doesn't mean he gets to touch my breasts and genitals whenever he likes, I am not his property. I see couples wandering round a supermarket or a station platform and his hand is firmly planted on her arse, or his arm is draped over her shoulder and his hand is cupping her breast and it reminds me of a dog marking it's territory.

By pinching someone's nipple when they are asleep. You don't think it's better that sex is initiated when someone is awake?

The OP had her nipple pinched while she was asleep then he denied it - that's not someone placing a hand on their partner

No it wouldn’t.

We both reach out to hug each other or place a hand on each other during the night to show love and for comfort. I wouldn’t think twice if my husbands hand ended up on my boob during the night but that’s because I’m in a loving happy relationship.

Is that not how anyone instigates sex? Someone majes the first move ?
Obviously if it makes you uncomfortable it's not acceptable! But maybe he's trying In A cack handed way?

In the past when things were better how was intimacy started ? In a similar way?

Ghaunj
Read your post am truly disgusted/unsettled for you
Have some things to say :-
He's a pig, leopards don't change their spots
ie:- past coercive behavior.

When did this groping start?
Is he seeing someone else and this is what they tolerate/don't mind??
Also
Get yourself another place to sleep, he's assaulting you so you should note details down for future reference (police/womens self help charities)
Take no more and don't let it get worse
Do right by yourself

One definition of sexual assault is being touched when the person cannot give consent

Wouldn't be an issue if you were asleep?

OP, I hear what you are saying about the difficulty of leaving if you have children with additional needs. That does create an extra burden and difficulty.

There are not easy solutions here. Staying is hard and leaving is hard.

I do worry though that things will escalate with his behaviour if you stay.

I hope you can find the sources of information you need to properly scope out your options. You may find you get a higher priority on council or housing association waiting lists due to your children's needs.

You could also try talking to Women's Aid about his behaviour to have this logged there and that may help your housing application.

I presume you are claiming whatever benefits you are entitled to for the children - make sure all these benefits are being paid to you, not him, including child benefit.

Yep.

Up until this point, I thought they were already separating?

Being touched in sleep is irritant for most people, this sounds beyond and you need to break up really. I certainly would not be comfortable sleeping next to this person.

Have you spoken to him about separating? What is your situation? I think that is clearly your next step as there is no relationship here.

I think if you are at this stage your marriage is already over, if my husband touched me in my sleep I would only be mildly irritated if it disturbed my sleep not because I’d feel gross about it.

Ew did you really sit and type all that 🫠

This is just disgusting OP.
definitely do not share a bed with this man. You aren’t safe !

I can’t see any other solution besides separate bedrooms or separating altogether.

My partner and I do touch each other to initiate/wake the other one up, but it’s absolutely fine and has been previously discussed and agreed. Him randomly groping you is not okay (even if he doesn’t understand why it’s not okay due to his entitlement).

Oh do fuck off.

What the hell are YOU suggesting!

What’s your housing situation op? If you tell us what the barriers are to leaving we might be able to help you.

I’m so sorry OP. This is very common in abusive relationships - it may start, or escalate once you are away from your support network. Can you contact Women’s Aid?

I am not minimising what has happened to OP. It sounds as if she is in an abusive relationship and should look at leaving or at the very least removing her partner from her bedroom if she is unableto leave. My comment was replying to someone asking why context mattered.

How do you accidentally pinch somebody’s nipples in your sleep.