Husband touched me when I was sleeping

No. Decent people don't initiate sex by touching their partner sexually without consent. In my relationship we both only initiate sex when the other is awake and can consent to any touching - we are weird like that 🙄

this is not ok OP.

The minimising it is awful - dismissing it is not acceptable.

my husband has sexsomnia and would grope me or try to have sex when he was asleep as well as me. Heavens knows why but I just ignored it and never even told him. I was a victim of bad child abuse os I think subconsciously I just thought I had to put up with anything that happened ot me and couldnt do anythign about it. but you can. I ended up having a psychotic breakdwon and lost every single thing id worked for.

My therapists ays that my relationship was one of strange form of coercive control also all along - especially financial but there were other thigns.

you may not want ot say but im interested ot know what form the control took?

Oh she’s does but unfortunately if its hours away she could have to give the children to him to live in the area they grew up in and I’m going to assume that’s why she won’t leave and he knows it.

I haven’t had chance to read all responses.
Im not trying to explain or make excuses for OP’s H: but, there are loads of things done in people’s sleep.

I looked up when I heard about “the sleepwalker killing “;movie based on the true 1987 case of Kenneth Parks.

My husband does stuff in his sleep, once peed into a suitcase by his side of our bed. And couple yrs ago drove to our GP’s surgery car park in middle of night; there’s a photographing system (tracked for 1hr) to stop illegal use otherwise no one would have suspected. He still won’t believe it even though there’s photographic evidence, he was overdosing on his medications at the time….but doesn’t believe that either!

The particular (apparently?) thing about “sleep sex” or sexomnia, sleep killing, sleepeating etc. etc., is that the ‘perpetrator’, hasn’t got any memory of doing whatever has happened. Which isn’t much help🤨 i know.

I sleep in a separate room now, luckily.

Just read that you are renting from his family. This is just more controlling. His behaviour is escalating, you need to try every organisation to find someone that will help you get out of this situation. You have already reached out to Womens Aid and have put yourself secretly on the social housing list, you're doing your best. If you can manage to go to a shelter new legislation (Domestic Abuse Act 2021) means you should be given priority for social housing but I know that isn't the easiest option with two autistic children.

When you reach out to organisations for help and advice, make sure you emphasise that his behaviour is escalating - if you are not being as intimate with him as he wants and he has then started to sexually assault you when you're sleeping, this can quickly escalate, I have a friend who was drugged and raped by her husband.

If you can manage to get an escape plan in place without him even being aware of it, that would be ideal. Call the other numbers, and stay strong. I really wish you all the best.

Women's refuges are full to bursting. I don't think it's relevant that he could fight for the children. That's probably to be expected - but she needs out of this situation.

Unfortunately op you’re going to have to either flee to family all those hours away however he may fight for the children.

Or flee to a women’s refuge.

She has also said she doesn't have the funds to leave and her family are 4-6 hours away. Seriously. I don't care if some posters on here are groping one another 24/7 or banging themselves sideways day and night. The OP posted this for support. Not to be told that getting her nipple pinched while she's asleep is ok by you

Honestly. If there are going to be 400 posts of I think it's ok because my husband gropes my boobs on the regular - maybe think before you type

No. It's sad that women think that if someone's husband pulls their nipple when they are asleep and then denies it later that that's ok. Particularly when she's said that their marriage has been co ercive - he's the problem here - not her!!

This is what happened to me. The police took it seriously. He was charged.

It’s sad you feel the way you do about it. My DH often touches me and it isn’t always intentional! Also I’ve been known to grab his hands and erm place them on me and have recollection! However I fancy him, we have a great sex life and it doesn’t upset me.
If you feel upset by it, don’t share a bed and if he doesn’t get that, you need to split.

Victim blaming - victim shaming. As per. I was raped by an ex when I was 20. I had known him since I was 17 but we occasionally crossed paths at parties and being out. I actually thought I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't do something like that to me.
He was the last person I thought would ever do that to me. And in his mind it wasn't rape - he was just entitled. That was 1989. Nothing has changed by the sounds of it.

I was in his bedroom. We were kissing and then he pinned me down. Forced my jeans and knickers off and then forced himself on me. I kept saying no but he wouldn't stop.

At the end of it - his excuse was - you looked beautiful.

My point - people in relationships can be assaulted out of nowhere - completely out of nowhere. So when someone is giving you the signs that their behaviour is off -run like hell

Women should not be expected to tolerate behaviour that makes them feel uncomfortable on any level. Married or not

I am genuinely shocked at some of the responses on this thread.

The OP disclosed in her initial post she is in an abusive relationship with a man with a history of coercive control.
He pinched her nipple whilst she was asleep and unable to consent. Twice.
He denied it when asked (I wonder why).

In no world is this ok! Anyone kidding themselves that it is is deluded.

I have no idea why you sleep beside this man. Why are you staying with him. There is way too much animosity in this relationship, it’s irreparable.

If this were my partner, then I would be the same as sleepy sex is something that he and I both initiate and enjoy.
However it's not my partner, nor yours nor is OP either of us. Sex while sleeping or sleepy is only acceptable if both partners have made it clear that they consent to it.
Consent is all and it's clear that OP did not, just as it is clear from context that her partner would know she would not want it.
Just because some women consent to specific sex acts, men can't assume that means all women consent to it.

The woman has said he has a history of co ercive control. He pulled her nipple when she was asleep and then denied it - do you think that's normal behaviour? I don't

Where I live the GPs are trained in recognising early signs of DV and would refer someone like OP into a support programme.

I agree that talking to Council/ RSL about escalating behaviour from your H is a worth doing. There is huge demand for social housing so anything that might help your application is worth trying.

Jesus- fucking- Christ

Eh? 🙄🙄🙄🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

That's not your business or mine. She's given enough detail in the opening post to show that her marriage isn't happy

I think you need to speak to them again. You need ongoing support from them. Tell them things have escalated and they might be able to support you with an application for a council property near your family.

Tell the council you need to flee domestic abuse. Report to your gp as well.

Absolutely incorrect. My original question to the OP was asking what the situation was with her husband with regards to their sex life to try and build a bigger picture of the situation.

You’re making huge assumptions from little information.

Your post seems very smug and dismissive of the situation the OP is in.

OP I’m so terribly sorry. I would suggest speaking to women’s aid again, because your situation has changed with this new disturbing behaviour. I’m sorry to put this in such plain terms but you aren’t safe, and they will recognise that. Women’s Aid may be able to help prioritise you on the council list given what’s going on