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Original poster

Husband touched me when I was sleeping

188 replies

Ghaunj · 04/02/2026 12:07

We have been on rocky ground for 4/5 years. Been through relationship counselling, therapy etc. He has a history of coercive behaviour (none recently) basically on very thin ice.

2 months ago he touched my breast when I was sleeping. At the time I didn't know if it was real or a dream, felt real and uncomfortable. Didn't say anything to him.

Sunday night it happened again except this time I woke to him pinching my nipple. I rolled over quickly and he stopped. Felt gross again and in the morning was confused about whether it was real.

This time I confronted him. His reaction was defensive and he said "oh yes I groped you in your sleep ofc I did" in a sarcastic way.

What the hell. What do I do?

OP posts:
Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 19:08

FlippersOrFins · 04/02/2026 18:32

He feels the need to do what? Assault his wife?

You have a really bizarre perspective on this.

Edited
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I think I’ve worded this totally wrong!
I’m agreeing he’s a prick! My DH does it to me but because we are happy I don’t think anything of it even if I’m not remotely in the mood!

FlippersOrFins · 04/02/2026 19:08

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 04/02/2026 18:39

This.

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What do you mean "This."?

OP explained that her husband has a history of abusive behaviour. He is touching her without her consent (also known as sexual assault) while she sleeps and denying he did it when questioned later. This is not "a couple who aren't intimate", this is an abusive relationship.

It's entirely irrelevant whether other women wouldn't care if their partner did it, and dismisses the OPs very understandable concerns.

ShawnaMacallister · 04/02/2026 18:51

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2026 18:02

Off topic but how did you get on the council list when you're married and have a home and how have you been bidding for 3yrs, i thought there was a cut off point of 12 months? Forgive me if I'm wrong.

Anyway he's revolting, like hell would i share a bed with him again.

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Anyone can apply to get on the housing register and of course there isn't a time limit on bidding - it takes average ten years to get to the top of the list in band C in my area!

Megifer · 04/02/2026 18:47

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 04/02/2026 18:39

This.

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Thing is, being a couple who are intimate doesn't mean you are ok with your tit being pinched.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 04/02/2026 18:39

DaisyChain505 · 04/02/2026 13:08

Just trying to build a picture before making judgement.

if my husband was to touch me in the night it wouldn’t be a big deal because we’re intimate and touching each other isn’t anything out of the ordinary.

For a couple who aren’t intimate this is something that would be seen as a red flag and inappropriate.

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This.

scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 18:39

aneelli · 04/02/2026 18:38

Why are you sharing a bed with him, I find that odd. Ur dh is obvs a weirdo, mine wouldn’t ever touch me without consent if we had an argument and were not talking

Maybe because there's no space for her to sleep elsewhere.

aneelli · 04/02/2026 18:38

Why are you sharing a bed with him, I find that odd. Ur dh is obvs a weirdo, mine wouldn’t ever touch me without consent if we had an argument and were not talking

scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 18:36

Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 18:29

I knew someone would read it that way! I mean it’s sad she’s at that point in her relationship where him touching her is assault and it doesn’t appeal to her!

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She's been bidding for a council house for three years. She wants to get away from him. Do people think this is just about her being touched in her sleep. I bet it isn't!

scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 18:33

He's touched her twice when she was asleep. The second time he denied it. Touching someone sexually without their consent is assault. Just because some people are in relationships where they don't mind being touched when they are asleep doesn't mean that this is ok.

It is not OK on any level whatsoever

FlippersOrFins · 04/02/2026 18:32

Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 18:30

Again I didn’t mean it’s her fault! I mean what a shame their relationship is at this point be feels the need to do that.

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He feels the need to do what? Assault his wife?

You have a really bizarre perspective on this.

Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 18:30

scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 16:51

No. It's sad that women think that if someone's husband pulls their nipple when they are asleep and then denies it later that that's ok. Particularly when she's said that their marriage has been co ercive - he's the problem here - not her!!

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Again I didn’t mean it’s her fault! I mean what a shame their relationship is at this point be feels the need to do that.

Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 18:29

ShawnaMacallister · 04/02/2026 17:20

There is nothing 'sad' about how the OP feels about being sexually assaulted. What is sad is that she is being sexually assaulted in the first place.

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I knew someone would read it that way! I mean it’s sad she’s at that point in her relationship where him touching her is assault and it doesn’t appeal to her!

Original poster
Ghaunj · 04/02/2026 18:27

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2026 18:02

Off topic but how did you get on the council list when you're married and have a home and how have you been bidding for 3yrs, i thought there was a cut off point of 12 months? Forgive me if I'm wrong.

Anyway he's revolting, like hell would i share a bed with him again.

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There are boxes to tick such as "fleeing abuse" or "separation" so you can apply out of your household. There is no time limit, people are bidding for years before housed.

OP posts:
scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 18:27

pocketpairs · 04/02/2026 17:30

No wonder divorce rates are so high..

Yeah because someone gets groped by their co ercive husband and then he denies it and has the temerity to be upset - how very dare she

scottishgirl69 · 04/02/2026 18:26

Tableforjoan · 04/02/2026 17:13

Oh she’s does but unfortunately if its hours away she could have to give the children to him to live in the area they grew up in and I’m going to assume that’s why she won’t leave and he knows it.

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I don't think that would necessarily be the case for someone fleeing violence that the kids would be handed to the dad. Mothers tend to get custody most of the time

OneFineDay22 · 04/02/2026 18:06

I can’t believe one of my responses was deleted (which I think was level headed and fair) when there is so much toxic and not to mention illegal viewpoints being shared on this thread.

It is a crime to touch someone sexually when they are asleep.

All the info to put this into context is there in the OP and still people keep saying “I wouldn’t mind.” Jesus Christ.

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2026 18:02

pocketpairs · 04/02/2026 17:30

No wonder divorce rates are so high..

What do you mean?

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2026 18:02

Ghaunj · 04/02/2026 15:55

Renting from his family.
I am on the council list, have been bidding for 3 years secretly.
I have spoken to women's aid in the past.
Ideally I'd move out into a new rental but I'd need first months rent + deposit and then a lot of them require household earnings of over £40k, which I don't have by myself.

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Off topic but how did you get on the council list when you're married and have a home and how have you been bidding for 3yrs, i thought there was a cut off point of 12 months? Forgive me if I'm wrong.

Anyway he's revolting, like hell would i share a bed with him again.

FlippersOrFins · 04/02/2026 17:56

pocketpairs · 04/02/2026 17:30

No wonder divorce rates are so high..

Yes. Women should shut up and allow sexual assaults to go ahead because otherwise their abusers might divorce them.

FoamShrimps · 04/02/2026 17:40

pocketpairs · 04/02/2026 17:30

No wonder divorce rates are so high..

ODFOD

pocketpairs · 04/02/2026 17:30

No wonder divorce rates are so high..

Abd80 · 04/02/2026 17:29

Boomer55 · 04/02/2026 16:20

Eh? 🙄🙄🙄🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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Yes. I think it’s a basic human right that a woman should be able to sleep in her safe space without someone pinching her nipple while she’s asleep.
and then gaslighting her about it afterwards.

Beautifulhaiku · 04/02/2026 17:25

Booksandcheese · 04/02/2026 13:15

Quite. If my husband is to roll over in the night and have a quick cuddle/fondle to see if I'm in the mood it is most definitely not sexual assault. If im not in the mood I just say so or if I am than he can crack on.

How do you initiate sex in a normal marriage if you cant even cuddle in bed without being accused of sexual assault?

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You could try waiting until they’re actually conscious as a starter

TemperanceBooth · 04/02/2026 17:22

OP speak to women's aid again. He's sexually assaulted you twice now in your sleep 😔 and it sounds like he was more obvious the second time which really worries me for you. 😔

ShawnaMacallister · 04/02/2026 17:20

Letmeloveyou · 04/02/2026 16:45

It’s sad you feel the way you do about it. My DH often touches me and it isn’t always intentional! Also I’ve been known to grab his hands and erm place them on me and have recollection! However I fancy him, we have a great sex life and it doesn’t upset me.
If you feel upset by it, don’t share a bed and if he doesn’t get that, you need to split.

There is nothing 'sad' about how the OP feels about being sexually assaulted. What is sad is that she is being sexually assaulted in the first place.