Husband touched me when I was sleeping

The answer is you don't touch someone sexually when they are unconscious...does this really need explaining? Peculiar

OP a friend of mine had something not dissimilar. Her husband would ‘accidentally’ hit her in the face while in bed, allegedly while turning over in his sleep. And he’d deny it. He was also coercively controlling her. Over time it escalated to full on violent assault and coerced sex. I think you need to leave this relationship, and do it safely - protect yourself.

I do wonder now. im totally broken - I had a psychotic breakdown nine years ago when I was finishing my phd at an elite university. it was the passion of my life and id worked so hard to get there from a background of poverty and trauma. He Mae life very difficult in the run up to my submission. I honestly dont know what ot tihnk. im toitally broken and lost everythign - I dont even know how I am at all. I thought we had an amazing marriage

In that case, and given how rare it is, I wouldn't be so sure he isn't just abusive. I'm sorry you experienced that, and worse. I hope things are better for you now.

no it hasn't because he refuses to see a doctor. He refuses treatment of any kind. it was the smallest of many problems which ended up totally breaking me. I never gave it any thought at the time and didnt even tell him he was doing it

Has that been formally diagnosed? I hope he's seeking treatment.

What do you mean "exactly"?

OP explained that her husband has a history of abusive behaviour. He is touching her without her consent (also known as sexual assault) while she sleeps and denying he did it when questioned later. This is not "a couple who aren't intimate", this is an abusive relationship.

It's irrelevant for posters to keep chiming in with "I don't mind if my husband does it". OP does mind, and understandably so.

Oh ffs go away!

sleep groping is a thing but it doesnt sound like it is the case here.

there is a condition called sexsomnia - my husband has it

Exactly.

I am losing the will to live. I hope the OP is just ignoring all of these people who obviously don’t get it. He also denied it, which I’m guessing none of these “we touch each other in our sleep”
couples would feel the need to do…

What you like is irrelevant!

Don’t let him gaslight you. He didn’t just touch you when you were sleeping, he sexually assaulted you. This is an absolute violation of you and would be a deal breaker. And to those saying about how do you initiate without any contact like this. This is an entirely different context, you were asleep, clearly not giving any indication of wanting anything.

@Boomer55 same here, I like waking up with dh gently stroking me but then our relationship is rather different to the ops and im
guess some other posters.

@Ghaunj

One poster has suggested an Asian help site, I suggest Southall Black Sisters if you do happen to be Asian or Black.
They are very location specific but I believe even if you don't live in their catchment area, they ought to be able to signpost you elsewhere.

southallblacksisters.org.uk

tel:0208 571 0800 020 8571 0800 or email [email protected]

Divorce. Your marriage has been bad fir 5 years. It is now worse.

Reading your posts I think you are trapped in a relationship because of housing and already have yourself on waiting lists and flagged as separation / abuse.

Not sure there is much more you can do? Negotiate on / off sleeping on sofa?

Of course if in real danger just get out to a relative or friend.

Divorce, he is an abuser

As his reply was said sarcastically could he have been asleep himself and not realised he had groped you? Is sleep groping a thing? 🤔

I mean just get of this pervert why on earth would you want to stay that’s awful it’s so disrespectful
im surprised you didn’t leave the first time round people have some funny ideas as to what is ok and some very low standards/expectations

@Ghaunj Didn't you turn down a council house already because you were unhappy with the area?

I reported my ex partner for this and touching me in other ways while I slept. He's now facing sexual assault and rape charges.

This is sexual assault, it's not okay in any way shape or form. Leave him and report it to the police. I really hope you are okay, no one has any right to violate you in this way.

So because you are happy it's fine that he touches your private parts in bed when you are asleep? Ok. So what people need to to do is work on being happy so that it's fine when someone touches your breasts when you are sleeping - so happy marriage touching is ok and unhappy - not ok. What about personal preference. Does that not matter?

OP, I might have the wrong end of the stick here but if you need support and refuge services specifically for Asian women, you can contact Kiran Support Services or google one of the many local services around the country by typing Asian women’s aid refuge + your location.

So your experience is nothing like what the OP has described then?

In case you're not aware, consent can be withdrawn at any stage. Even in a marriage. Even in a happy marriage. Nobody has to accept another person touching them intimately without their agreement. The fact that you accept your husband fondling you in your sleep is irrelevant to OP.