To be annoyed partner has joined the gym now we have a toddler

Yanbu at all, he’s doing this to avoid parenting

i would do as above, else you’ll be accused of being controlling and not caring about his mental health 🙄

I know you say you don't want to do tit for tat - but sometimes actions speak louder than words - and I suspect you'll find this is one of those cases.

Everyone's right - you need to assert your similar entitlement to evenings - you do need to go straight to something from work just as he does so he gets a taste of his own medicine. Nothing else is going to work (if he was the kind of man who was inclined to pull his weight, he wouldn't have started doing this with no discussion in the first place)

We have a 2 yold. I go to the gym one night and husband does bath and bedtime then I do bath and bedtime the next night and he goes to the gym. You both need equal me time and parenting, so if you're not into gym you could go swimming or see friends or do something for yourself?

Just another loser determined to avoid parenting.
This is what they do, use MH as a convenient excuse.
If he was being honest, he would do it quietly pre work, and still be around in the evening.

He doesn't want to parent and he doesn't want any responsibility for his child.

If you have a drop of cop on you will make contraception bullet proof, if you can actually bring yourself to have x with him.

You will stop doing anything that benefits him.
No more cooking, shopping and laundry.

You have been forced into constant parenting his child, cut anything extra to reduce your load.

Reach out to family snd friends now that he no longer plans on being around as much as possible.

Sorry if that is harsh, it just tends to be how it goes on MN.

Oh and losers like him try to shut somen down with accusations of "controlling" the minute they are challenged.

Funny how having a child fxxks their mental health even though they do the least they can.

Oh and you can 100% expect him to move on to gym at the weekend.
He sees his child as primarily your responsibility, like all losers.

Sorry, he is very selfish & petty.
Showing his true colours sadly.
This isn’t a good sign for the future.
Going forward, tit for tat with the gym may not be the best thing.
If it’s possible to arrange a babysitter & discuss the issue calmly, without arguing then do so.
Its sad your DC doesn’t recognise the fact you need help to look after DC. This is the crux of the matter.
If he doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand this, you’re on dodgy ground now & in the future.

He doesn't want to parent and is using words like MH Self Care and Controlling behaviour to avoid it
The internet is so handy. Also other guys at work with helpful tips and hints. What.A.Prince.

He's taking the piss, is he not bothered about seeing his child at some point?

Why's he going for such a long time as well?! No newbie needs over 2 hours in the gym.

He needs to go when the toddler is asleep, or in childcare. 4 evenings a week is too much. You need to have equal time for your leisure / hobbies.

I agree with him that exercise is so important for your mental health as much as physical health, it’s great if he wants to go to the gym regularly, BUT when you have children it has to work around the family.

My husband & I both exercise, he goes to the gym 4 days a week, I run 4 days a week, we have 2 under 2 currently so we have to work together to make sure everything is well balanced. Most of the time that looks like exercising right at the start of the day before the kids are awake or waiting until the end of the day when they are in bed. Sometimes that’s not possible or practical and so one of us has to fit the exercise in during the evening/bedtime but I’d say that’s sort of once or twice a week, and it’s after agreeing. 4 nights a week which means skipping family time with no discussion is unreasonable.

YANBU
you Need to tell him what you have written in your post. Ask him. If a friend told him what you have written, what would be his advice to them?

Otherwise I’m afraid your relationship has run its course as you would be better off as a single mum.
He comes across as too selfish and too self absorbed to parent with all the time.

Tell him that you need several hours to yourself four evenings a week too.

I was coming on here to say that going to the gym is looking after his health and enabling him to be the best he can be for his family. But reading your post, I don't think he needs 3 hours a night to do that, even if it is busy! There is no way he's working out for that long, unless he's training for a heavyweight title fight or something.

It’s amazing how many hobbies a man finds when they have a child! Training for marathons, suddenly into Hyrox events etc. and they all need to be done in the evening just when parenting is most tough. It means they get out of patenting. But you can met your bottom dollar that if you did the same there would be hell to pay!
He needs to change the time of day he goes. Either before work or after toddler is in bed.

I would be all out of energy to go to the gym after 8pm. There’s no reason to only go when the toddler is sleeping.

Yanbu. You should join the gym too and you both take turns going in the evening. 3 each a week would be perfect. You both need it for your mental and physical health.

Obviously YANBU. As a side point, these are pretty long gym sessions, unless this gym is very far away.

This

Well isn’t that convenient for him! Citing his mental heath too….what about yours? As for calling you controlling…..

In summary he can’t be arsed to do any parenting in the evening when he gets back from work so he takes himself out to the gym to avoid it which is knows damn well is the real reason. But of course he makes it all your fault.

He’s a twat imo.

YANBU. You are being incredibly reasonable and he is being really shitty trying to make out that you are being controlling.

Being part time is irrelevant because the time you aren’t working is spent on childcare, housework etc. which you would otherwise have to pay someone to do.

The key thing is that if he is having time out to do things for himself then he should be offering and supporting the same for you eg parenting by himself for a few hours at the weekend so that you can see friends or do an activity, or being back in time to do bath and bed some evenings so that you get a night off from it.

Instead he is expecting you to do an additional 8+ hours of solo parenting a week without offering you anything in return, then trying to manipulate you into feeling that you are out of line to question this. Not ok.

Sorry, when does he see or parent the child? Is there 3-4 days a week where he leaves before the child is up and comes home after the child is in bed?

Yanbu. Your mental health matters too and it's not helped by him avoiding his dc.

This. Why does he get to avoid evenings?!

How many evenings are you getting to relax, go to the gym etc?

YANBU.

It’s fine he joined a gym, it’s not fine he is so inconsiderate about when he goes to the gym. He either needs to go in the morning before work or once the little one has gone to bed.