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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

804 replies

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 09:06

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

OP posts:
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itsthetea · 04/02/2026 17:42

It doesn’t matter what your IQ is . It dont matter how gifted you are. It’s your life. You have to live it in a way that works for you and the society we are part of

no one needs to tell you what to do or how to be- if you suspect a particular issue you can research wha might make your life easier all by yourself

I have never been diagnosed anything but I know that avoiding crowds and using noise cancelling headphones can really help
me cope with the world and I pick up a lot of other tips relating to autistic people - I can see they also help me so I just get on and make my life better.

if you are not sure what will help - experiment. If you think it’s something unique then it will be had to get a diagnosis anyway

i am Also rather good at maths - your sort of level but so ? I don’t need a medal for it

Uricon2 · 04/02/2026 17:39

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 13:04

My IQ puts me in the 99.9th percentile, that’s by definition extraordinary.

What have you done with it?

I've no idea what my IQ score is and very much doubt it is anything extraordinary because when we did such tests at school in the 70s the 'patterns' meant nothing to me. I was and am jolly good at a couple of things but then loads of us are, different things, it is part of being human.

I am far from sure that many of the acknowledged creative geniuses, who left a legacy that lives for the ages would have got into Mensa. Leonardo da Vinci most probably would, Beethoven possibly not (he could barely add up) Doesn't make Beethoven any less phenomenal.

ParmaVioletTea · 04/02/2026 17:39

I still think you need to read Helen Lewis' book, Genius. She has a whole bit on MENSA ...

WeekendTripHelp · 04/02/2026 17:36

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 09:35

Bingo! And I’m happy to pay too! But one of such clinics (that charges £5k) just told me I should look for a neuropsychologist, but that’s another brick wall as they only focus on rehabilitation.

the ND side of things is that my DH is now adamant I must be on the spectrum but I’m actually not sure, as many traits can be explained by the gifted profile.

There aren’t enough services available for those who need support so I’m afraid you’ll either have to pay (but you will be taking spot someone else who is struggling could have had) or accept yourself as you are and enjoy the privilege you have.

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:36

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 17:29

Exactly. I’m really wondering who told the OP she was gifted when an IQ of 149 wouldn’t indicate that.

It does according to both scales:

https://www.mensa.org/what-is-iq/

OP posts:
Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:34

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 17:29

Exactly. I’m really wondering who told the OP she was gifted when an IQ of 149 wouldn’t indicate that.

Well it’s still statistically a minority that’s a fact. It’s higher than 95% of the population.

So yes you’ll meet a few during your life, but the vast majority of you bump into in life won’t be part of that group.

OP posts:
Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 17:29

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 04/02/2026 17:27

If you're defining up to 5% of the population as "gifted", then it really doesn't mean much at all. Top 5% of IQs hardly denotes anything that special. Even top 1% doesn't really count as anything exceptional.

Exactly. I’m really wondering who told the OP she was gifted when an IQ of 149 wouldn’t indicate that.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 04/02/2026 17:27

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:18

Gifted adults. We’re roughly 1-5% of the overall population.

If you're defining up to 5% of the population as "gifted", then it really doesn't mean much at all. Top 5% of IQs hardly denotes anything that special. Even top 1% doesn't really count as anything exceptional.

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 17:27

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:18

Gifted adults. We’re roughly 1-5% of the overall population.

5% of the uk population is over 3 million people!

ParmaVioletTea · 04/02/2026 17:22

The 'gifted adult' thing is meaningless. It's what you DO with your gifts that is important.

ladyamy · 04/02/2026 17:22

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:18

Gifted adults. We’re roughly 1-5% of the overall population.

What constitutes gifted? How is even measured? And where did you get that statistic? Sorry for all the questions but you comment baffled me!

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:18

ladyamy42069 · 04/02/2026 17:14

What do you mean by ‘people like me’? Sorry, I should have phrased my question better.

Gifted adults. We’re roughly 1-5% of the overall population.

OP posts:
ladyamy42069 · 04/02/2026 17:14

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 16:51

Understand how my brain works, which from what I understand a neuropsychological assessment does that.

What do you mean by ‘people like me’? Sorry, I should have phrased my question better.

HolyGround13 · 04/02/2026 17:02

RampantIvy · 04/02/2026 17:00

It appears have very little to do with emotional intelligence.

This appears to be the case!

HolyGround13 · 04/02/2026 17:01

NooNooHead · 04/02/2026 16:57

Ah ok, thank you 😊 Yes, it is absolutely hard and quite frustrating to go from visualisation that was extremely clear and vivid to none at all. Reading books has been particularly affected especially when I can't now picture what I'm reading about. Loved fiction, never stopped reading as a child.

Now I barely pick up a book and am not a lover of fiction as I used to be. It's curtailed my career as a result too, having struggled with the actual process of reading and language comprehension too (not great as an editor 😑).

Brains are funny things, though. Neurological conditions are crappy, but the brain does adapt through neuroplasticity.

Gosh that does sound really impactful, I hope you’re still able to enjoy reading at some point in the future. You’re so right about neuroplasticity and how amazing the brain is.

tartyflette · 04/02/2026 17:01

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 16:24

How is this relevant? I only studied my MSc in the UK the rest were abroad.

I don’t need (nor want) to be recognised, I have myself for that.

Dear god.
(Incidentally in English you study a language, but you study for a qualification. I wouldn't normally correct someone's grammar, but in this case I feel it's deserved.)

RampantIvy · 04/02/2026 17:00

HolyGround13 · 04/02/2026 16:47

*meant to add, “if you care about that sort of thing!”
Honestly I am not sure what bearing IQ actually has on intelligence, it’s such an imperfect measure.

It appears have very little to do with emotional intelligence.

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 17:00

NooNooHead · 04/02/2026 16:58

The OP seems very lacking in self awareness for someone supposedly so clever. Maybe she should try to work on that a bit.

I’m aware but that doesn’t mean I care two separate things…

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 04/02/2026 17:00

NooNooHead · 04/02/2026 16:58

The OP seems very lacking in self awareness for someone supposedly so clever. Maybe she should try to work on that a bit.

Which just demonstrates that intelligence is not one-dimensional. Humans are social animals, and some form of social intelligence is as important as the sorts of things IQ tests estimate.

NooNooHead · 04/02/2026 16:58

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 16:55

That’s not a compliment! Why don’t you use your apparent superpowers for good instead of wasting your time with this self indulgent rubbish?

The OP seems very lacking in self awareness for someone supposedly so clever. Maybe she should try to work on that a bit.

NooNooHead · 04/02/2026 16:57

HolyGround13 · 04/02/2026 16:44

Sorry, I meant mine in reply to one of OP’s replies about hyperphantasia. I can understand feeling that, I’ve worked with people with brain injuries before and I can see it can be so hard and frustrating.

From what I recall, the theory was that people with aphantasia were performing mental processes differently, and it was linked to their higher scores in certain areas like mental rotation of objects. So it could be that you would perform better in those areas now.

Ah ok, thank you 😊 Yes, it is absolutely hard and quite frustrating to go from visualisation that was extremely clear and vivid to none at all. Reading books has been particularly affected especially when I can't now picture what I'm reading about. Loved fiction, never stopped reading as a child.

Now I barely pick up a book and am not a lover of fiction as I used to be. It's curtailed my career as a result too, having struggled with the actual process of reading and language comprehension too (not great as an editor 😑).

Brains are funny things, though. Neurological conditions are crappy, but the brain does adapt through neuroplasticity.

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 16:55

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 16:55

That’s not a compliment! Why don’t you use your apparent superpowers for good instead of wasting your time with this self indulgent rubbish?

When did I say I thought it was or that I even cared?

OP posts:
Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 16:55

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 16:53

Of course I do!

That’s not a compliment! Why don’t you use your apparent superpowers for good instead of wasting your time with this self indulgent rubbish?

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 16:53

Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 16:53

Can’t you understand how self absorbed you are coming across?

Of course I do!

OP posts:
Covermytracks · 04/02/2026 16:53

Can’t you understand how self absorbed you are coming across?