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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

804 replies

Maybeasd · 04/02/2026 09:06

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 17:35

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:29

Do you need a laughing emoji on that post?

Yep 🤣🤣

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:33

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/02/2026 17:29

I call it picking holes, but what I actually do for work is review and improve processes, test proposals, find issues before we launch something, look for gaps and ways to bridge them, analyse data (patterns, love them), review and improve documents, write papers proposing new or improved things (and then see them get holes picked in them 🤣) and so on.

I don't think I'm ND either, more just logical and good at detail. I find it really useful but also appreciate it's not the only thing I am. And that I'm not the only person who can do things.

Putting hinges together is really interesting too, I wish I could do that.

You see if the OP was effectively trying to work out how her brain works she would know about recent ADHD research which strongly supports the hypothesis (that ADHDers already know is true), that people with ADHD are physically quicker at spotting patterns in fuzzy data than people without ADHD.

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:29

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 17:12

How very dare you!

Do you need a laughing emoji on that post?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/02/2026 17:29

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 17:13

That's really interesting @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

I'm not ND in any way (apart from the internet making me ADHD Wink ) and I've always been academically talented. My talent is bringing things together, seeing connections and combinations, rather than "picking holes." I like seeing how things fit together, which is wjat I do in my work/vocation (humanities professor).

And I'm resolutely average to below-average in pub quizzes.

I call it picking holes, but what I actually do for work is review and improve processes, test proposals, find issues before we launch something, look for gaps and ways to bridge them, analyse data (patterns, love them), review and improve documents, write papers proposing new or improved things (and then see them get holes picked in them 🤣) and so on.

I don't think I'm ND either, more just logical and good at detail. I find it really useful but also appreciate it's not the only thing I am. And that I'm not the only person who can do things.

Putting hinges together is really interesting too, I wish I could do that.

Uricon2 · 05/02/2026 17:29

Maybeasd · 05/02/2026 15:00

An understanding of how my brain processes information.

I have absolutely no idea why you find the working of your particular brain so fascinating. What realistically do you want and think you can gain from such introspection?

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:26

gototogo · 05/02/2026 16:58

The nhs is not going to pay for someone’s curiosity. If you want to explore your personal psychology then you need to pay privately, I’m sure there is someone out there. No country’s healthcare pays for this sort of thing,

Only she doesn't have to pay at all. I'm getting fed physical and behavioural psychological amd neurological research abstracts down to molecular level on a daily basis. If I went looking I could find even more.

I understand the latest research about my ADHD, my husband's ASD and when we got sick I researched my husband's epilepsy, my own rheumatoid arthritis and vasculitis. I've put myself in remission with a non-prescription drug combination that I've been able to show my doctors the clinical research to show how each drug works, that they are unaware of.

It's all online if you're curious enough and intelligent enough to understand what you're reading and follow the right leads. The Web is an absolute treasure trove for people like the OP and me and there are so many of us!

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 17:13

That's really interesting @IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

I'm not ND in any way (apart from the internet making me ADHD Wink ) and I've always been academically talented. My talent is bringing things together, seeing connections and combinations, rather than "picking holes." I like seeing how things fit together, which is wjat I do in my work/vocation (humanities professor).

And I'm resolutely average to below-average in pub quizzes.

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 17:12

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:10

🤣

I'll bet you're a bloody sight more fun to be with than most people with an IQ of 150.

How very dare you!

Imdunfer · 05/02/2026 17:10

BlackCatDiscoClub · 05/02/2026 16:09

This! I have an iq of 126 which is inferior to so many of the people on this thread, and means Mensa wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire 🤣 but I'm autistic and my joy is learning!

🤣

I'll bet you're a bloody sight more fun to be with than most people with an IQ of 150.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/02/2026 17:05

ApolloCVermouth · 05/02/2026 17:00

Don't forget the reg. plate of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - GEN 11 after the two Potts inventors!

Having a high IQ doesn't necessarily equate to a genius in my view. I was a very low achiever and was viewed almost as a delinquent by some teachers. I only did the Mensa test to prove to myself that I wasn't stupid, and nobody has ever been impressed by it. I've still never amounted to anything, have done nothing I or anyone else would class as brilliant, and consider myself a complete waster. We're not all full of ourselves!

It's getting the balance I think.

You can be incredibly smart or excel in some way but if you can't apply it to something useful for your own life, it feels like it's useless.

Mine comes out when we watch quiz shows or at work when someone's explaining a process that needs reviewing or a new function and I can immediately see flaws or places to improve it or downstream impacts.

The quiz show thing isn't much use in the grand scheme of my life but the ability to essentially "pick holes" has been good for my career. Once I learned how to do it in a positive way anyway.

ApolloCVermouth · 05/02/2026 17:00

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 16:49

The only way I've seen 'genii' used is in the Brontë siblings' juvenilia - there's a whole mythology they create around The Genii.

There's a lovely children's book, where a young boy finds one of the toy soldiers that the Brontë children owned, and the soldier comes to life etc etc etc.

Don't forget the reg. plate of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - GEN 11 after the two Potts inventors!

Having a high IQ doesn't necessarily equate to a genius in my view. I was a very low achiever and was viewed almost as a delinquent by some teachers. I only did the Mensa test to prove to myself that I wasn't stupid, and nobody has ever been impressed by it. I've still never amounted to anything, have done nothing I or anyone else would class as brilliant, and consider myself a complete waster. We're not all full of ourselves!

gototogo · 05/02/2026 16:58

The nhs is not going to pay for someone’s curiosity. If you want to explore your personal psychology then you need to pay privately, I’m sure there is someone out there. No country’s healthcare pays for this sort of thing,

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:55

Seems genius comes from the latin (look, I'm just looking this stuff up), and latin words ending in -us would normally pluralise to -i, so it seems that has validity.

I'll stop derailing here.

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 16:51

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:50

Ooh, interesting call. Seems geniuses is more common but genii is an acceptable alternative. However, there is one person who should be able to tell us, isn't there...

I may have to relegate myself to merely ubersmart.

OP studied linguistics 😀

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:50

Ooh, interesting call. Seems geniuses is more common but genii is an acceptable alternative. However, there is one person who should be able to tell us, isn't there...

I may have to relegate myself to merely ubersmart.

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 16:49

The only way I've seen 'genii' used is in the Brontë siblings' juvenilia - there's a whole mythology they create around The Genii.

There's a lovely children's book, where a young boy finds one of the toy soldiers that the Brontë children owned, and the soldier comes to life etc etc etc.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/02/2026 16:47

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:33

genii...God I am just so smart.

I thought that was the plural of genie rather than genius.

One of us is less smart than we thought...

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 16:42

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:39

Hyper special, please.

Soz, my bad.

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:39

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 16:37

You had better get someone to explain how your brain works then as you are so super special.

Hyper special, please.

Covermytracks · 05/02/2026 16:37

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:33

genii...God I am just so smart.

You had better get someone to explain how your brain works then as you are so super special.

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 05/02/2026 16:33

genii...God I am just so smart.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 05/02/2026 16:26

RampantIvy · 05/02/2026 16:15

Gosh, so many genuises on this thread.

Only one claiming to be a genius. The rest of us are just acknowledging that we have a particular type of intelligence and have cracked on with the rest of our lives.

Maybe that makes us the true geniuses..geniusi? 🤔

ParmaVioletTea · 05/02/2026 16:23

Oh, I know @RampantIvy although none of us is as geniusistic as the OP. I've never been a member of MENSA though, nor am I ND - just very boringly a clever grafter. I'm small fry in comparison to the OP.

I think the OP should read Helen Lewis' Genius. Lewis outlines the conditions for the kind of Nobel prize winning that maybe the OP thinks she wants. It's not all down to IQ or MENSA membership, you'll be shocked to hear! ShockGrin

RampantIvy · 05/02/2026 16:15

Gosh, so many genuises on this thread.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 05/02/2026 16:09

Mangelwurzelfortea · 05/02/2026 13:37

This thread is hilarious and while I'm not sure if it's a wind-up or if the OP is currently cycling through the manic phase of bipolar disorder, it does raise some interesting points for those of us who are ND. I have an adult diagnosis of ADHD and OCD but long before anyone knew that was a thing, was considered 'gifted' as a child (got a scholarship to a prestigious school). I think a lot of that is that if my brain isn't kept busy, it turns in on itself with intrusive thoughts etc. So even as a kid I threw myself into writing, learning, painting etc (classic ADHD really - a new hobby every week). As an adult, I find learning and working relaxes my brain and stops the endless buzzing and reduces anxiety. I certainly don't feel 'gifted' now - unless being really good at quizzes counts - but I bet there is some kind of intersection between capacity to learn quickly and neurodiversity.

This! I have an iq of 126 which is inferior to so many of the people on this thread, and means Mensa wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire 🤣 but I'm autistic and my joy is learning!

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