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Original poster

Would you date your exes friend?

39 replies

Wishthingswerenouting · 04/02/2026 08:11

Very controversial I’m sure.

if you had been in a relationship for 15 years, had broken up 3 years ago for a number of reasons but not least because you were raped, and your exes friend made their move stating they’ve always fancied you would you do it?

more context:

  • you knew the friend before your ex
  • they are very attractive
  • it would be a strict “one time fun” thing only
  • your ex has been a bastard since the breakup
  • you do share dc so have some contact
  • youve recently been enjoying single time and have found a thrill in casual sex and figuring out your sexuality after being in a relationship most of your life

would you enjoy the secret fantasy of shagging his hot friend or would you morally avoid at all cost?

OP posts:
NotnowMildrid · 04/02/2026 08:46

I would BUT you have to be realistic and concede that at some point one way or another other, it is very likely it will get back to your ex.

Could you handle that?

Secrets only remain secrets if one person knows about them, and there are two of you, you and him.

RoachFish · 04/02/2026 08:38

Absolutely not. Do the dignified thing and move away from your ex and his friends. You have kids together, if your ex is as horrific as he sounds he will find out and use this against you by telling your kids their mum sleeps with his friends.

KimuraTan · 04/02/2026 08:34

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 08:19

If he was a close friend of your ex he probably has been told intimate details about you. Presumably he knows about your rape. And I would suspect he sees you as vulnerable and is taking advantage of you.

Edited

This. And you sound like you enjoy the drama of it all. Men talk and you’ll probably enjoy throwing it in your ex’s face at some point. Do the freedom programme and heal yourself - step away from your ex and his circle of friends. They sound no good at all. Predators IMO

Ncforthis2267 · 04/02/2026 08:25

Bad bad bad idea! Of course it will get out. He'll get pissed and joke about it to a mutual friend. Ex will hear. Who knows what he'll do. Maybe he will tell your kids. Maybe he'll come over and stick a knife in your throat.

Plenty more blokes out there looking for a no strings easy lay love.

ExtraOnions · 04/02/2026 08:24

Secret’s don’t stay secrets …

Is the hassle worth it for a 30 minute pump and run?

Evaka · 04/02/2026 08:22

Mad idea. But I suspect you'll do it anyway.

Original poster
Wishthingswerenouting · 04/02/2026 08:20

Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 08:19

If he was a close friend of your ex he probably has been told intimate details about you. Presumably he knows about your rape. And I would suspect he sees you as vulnerable and is taking advantage of you.

Edited

100% he does not as my ex outright denies it and would be worried sick about anyone finding out. The only people that know are me and him

OP posts:
Ohnonononotagain · 04/02/2026 08:19

If he was a close friend of your ex he probably has been told intimate details about you. Presumably he knows about your rape. And I would suspect he sees you as vulnerable and is taking advantage of you.

Original poster
Wishthingswerenouting · 04/02/2026 08:18

tryingtobesogood · 04/02/2026 08:16

God no, this has shit show written all over it. He’s your scummy ex’s friend which means he has very bad taste in friends. Set the bar higher than the floor.

Well that’s the thing they don’t really speak anymore at all. They were friends for a long time however and have mutual friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Wishthingswerenouting · 04/02/2026 08:17

dudsville · 04/02/2026 08:15

Given the context you describe I think this would just add more mess to an already pretty messed up situation. I would look for another attractive man.

Thanks for your reply can I ask what you mean by add to? It would very much be a secret and one time thing. I do agree it’s playing with fire but there’s almost 0% chance of it getting out for various reasons

OP posts:
WellThatsAlrightThen · 04/02/2026 08:17

I wouldn’t because there’s still contact because of DC. Fir me it wouldn’t be worth any sort of friction. If I didn’t have shared DC then I would do what I wanted.

tryingtobesogood · 04/02/2026 08:16

God no, this has shit show written all over it. He’s your scummy ex’s friend which means he has very bad taste in friends. Set the bar higher than the floor.

dudsville · 04/02/2026 08:15

Given the context you describe I think this would just add more mess to an already pretty messed up situation. I would look for another attractive man.

Original poster
Wishthingswerenouting · 04/02/2026 08:12

just realised the title says date! While a date has been proposed, I wouldn’t be interested in that

OP posts:
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