What should I say to my 19 year old daughter who has already decided that she hates men?

Well they’re less likely to rape children for a start. Is that a good enough barometer for you?

I don't think she sounds jaded. I think it's much healthier for her to be aware, than to be doing what my generation were taught to do, which was accept shitty behaviour from men and convince ourselves we were happy - we were essentially gaslighting ourselves all the time! Hopefully as others have said it'll mean she'll set her bar higher and have a happier experience herself.

Yes this. It’s not all, but it’s a fuckload of them! Youve raised an intelligent young woman, who has eyes. You don’t need to steer her in any direction.

I often read threads like this, and I did some counting on relatives, colleagues and close friends in my own life. Roughly I think 25% of the men I have come into contact with I would have regarded as highly sexist and to some degree toxic for women. I think there is another group of about the same number who have no real feeling for women and will happily be led into sexist banter/ misogyny by the other group. This leaves half of men as basically decent, but even then often with real flaws. If there is one lesson I would pass on to your daughter or younger women, it is for God’s sake be really fussy when you enter into a relationship with a man and keep assessing it as it progresses.

Yes…
Don’t worry dear, most of the men you will meet will never be blessed with enough money or power to get away with fulfilling their child sex fantasies.

that’s the way to get her to like men…

She's not wrong. I'd be proud of her. Wish my dds had so much clear eyed common sense.

Are all lesbians lovely and perfect partners purely because they are female?

Good on you for saying it, more men need to hear it. The amount of labour men expect from women in every facet of their lives is astounding, and that’s even before one considers abuse etc. Love yourself first, pour your energy into the single most important, most long-lasting and most significant relationship of your life: the one with yourself.

Don't argue with her, you'll make her think you naive.

Tell her being independent and single is perfectly fine and you'll be proud of her no matter how she lives her life.

It is up to a decent man to break down those preconceptions, not you.

Her Ddad built the foundation of her opinion that men are evil when he cheated on you. Everything else thereafter are building blocks.

This happened to me actually (dad serial cheater then mum divorced him) but overall it helped in the long-run because I wouldn’t settle for just anyone. I’m with my husband 26 years (married for 10) and he’s honestly the best/perfect man I’ve ever met.

She is right to be wary of men. The default should be to assume they can hurt us. They are on average bigger and stronger. They have shown as a class to be willing to commit violence and violate sexual consent at much higher rates than women.

Every stranger needs to prove they are trustworthy, but women are wise to require more proof from men.

It’s not about hating men, it’s about not being naive.

I have a number of wonderful, funny and kind men in my life, but I still think that Germaine Greer was right when she said 'Women have very little idea of how much men hate them'.

I think your daughter's awareness of the realities of the world will serve her well in life.

It's a crying shame! I often dream I could have been the CEO of Estee Lauder without men getting in the way! Unfortunately, back then, hormones prevailed. As you say, there's such a better use for all the energy we put into men!

But is she jaded? Or is it fair for her to look at the prominent men in the world right now and think fuck that. To look at crime stats and think what the fuck is wrong with men! To look at the pay gap and mother's load etc and wonder what the hell? Is she really jaded. Like most of us she will probably love the men in her life and if she's heterosexual still have feelings or attraction to specific men and see the exceptions but fuck me as a group or species or whatever they have a lot to feel bad about, I don't think she's wide of the mark.

I would drop the NAMALT bollocks.

I agree. My most recent ex and I are friends. We were reviewing our lives last time we met up and he was horrified when I said I wished I'd spent less time focusing on relationships and put a lot more time and energy into my career (which is already good) because it was the one area of my life where I excelled.

Just tell her that while her rage is perfectly justifiable, it is healthier to target it at the people who actually perpetrate the crimes (including Ghislaine, who was the one who groomed the girls.)

It is never wise to decide that an entire sector of society is bad, because that dehumanises them and what we need, more than ever right now, is a groundswell of humane behaviour.

Show her the footage of the 14-year-old-boy in Australia on the news tonight who swam 4km through stormy seas and then ran 2km to the nearest phone to raise the alarm that his mother and younger siblings were stranded on a paddleboard. Does she hate him?

I agree with PPs that her realisation about the world (men) is a good thing and will hopefully lead her to have a much higher bar than the loser I married, for example. I remember in the 90s we were indoctrinated into thinking we should be 'ladettes', always up for it. It was hateful and thank god young women now will call out shitty behaviour and stay single if they don't get what they deserve. Good on her!

Sadly, I think it's a positive. Hopefully it means she won't get trapped by an arsehole.

In theory, I'd encourage you to tell her there are some good men out there. But since they're in the minority, I personally would feel safer not challenging her viewpoint.

It’s so interesting isn’t it? I remember watching my friends and female family members absolutely pour all of themselves into relationships to the detriment of everything else, spending so much time and energy trying to make relationships with these nothing men work, and thinking what they could achieve if they put that energy to better use. It’s such a waste of talent.

I’ve been encouraging myself to do the same; unfortunately my bloody hormones won’t listen!!

I think hers is a far more preferable starting point than the hordes of young women (and I was one) who will get on their knees for men, any man will do, to seek their validation. Desperate to please them, hoping they’ll like you, whilst not even pausing to consider if they’re funny/interesting/kind/all the wonderful qualities you’re desperately to show you are.
given me your DDs starting point for my daughters over my paragraph above every single time.
she might meet a nice one, and be pleasantly surprised, but it will be him setting out to prove himself value to her. And not the other way round.
good for her.

Agreed!!

Eventually her hormones will take over and she will (likely) choose a partner, but hopefully her understanding of what men can be like will make her cautious when choosing a man.

If I'd stayed away from men between the ages of 18 and 30, (minus having my lovely son with my ex) I'd have had a MUCH better life. Better career, more money, probably a house at a much younger age. I'm not just blaming the men - of course I take responsibility too. But men just get in the way, a lot of the time.

I often replay the last 30 years in my mind, but minus the men, and it's....better.