Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you?

63 replies

Yellowspottysocks1 · 03/02/2026 22:32

My DH and I have been together for 8 years, married 1. My in-laws over the years have made it clear myself and my kids are not welcome. His adult 23 y/o DD also. Examples are his DD was suppose to be a bridesmaid at our wedding, bought a beautiful pale dusk dress but she turned up in a racy black one. She also presented him with a birthday present last year (the only time she got him a gift) and it was a photo album of him and her mum (they separated when she 2 so it was all old early 20s photos of them)
Anyway for Christmas his mum got a family drawing made with all the members of his family, except me. Or my children.
Would that hurt you? Or am I being a tad sensitive? DH says I am.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/02/2026 23:22

its sadly only natural that she'd prefer to have her Dad to herself

Shes 23 not 8! How ridiculous

FrozenFebruary · 03/02/2026 23:20

I'd be hurt by his mother's behaviour, you're married. You should have been included given how many people were in it.[DH should have pulled her up on it, not told you that you were over reacting]

re your children. I think that depends on the relationship your DH has with them.

I'd be very unimpressed by his daughter turning up in a black dress rather than the bridesmaids one she was given to wear. Just a bit 🙄 at the photo album. Obviously it was meant to upset you, highly unlikely to be something he wanted as they'd split up, completely different if her mum had died.

id cut her a bit of slack being jealous that your kids are living with her Dad when she didn't have that herself.

its sadly only natural that she'd prefer to have her Dad to herself. It doesn't make it nice for you though. Your DH is behaving like a spineless wetwipe though. He should be carving out 1:1 time with her, but also not tolerating a bad attitude to you.

EDIT: just to delete a bit about your DH not seeing his DS after I read your latest post.

Original poster
Yellowspottysocks1 · 03/02/2026 23:17

Ponoka7 · 03/02/2026 23:10

The inlaws should count you as family, your children is up to them, unless your DH has adopted them? It is tough for children when their parent lives with other children. We are supposed to pretend it isn't, but it is. Your DH should be having words with his DD. Has he been a good Dad?

No he hasn't adopted them, and they see their dad a lot but have a great relationship with my DH.
DH has been a 'disney dad' his DD lives a few hours away so only seen her growing up once a month and during the holidays. He's never lived with her since she was 2. He sees his son once a month at his ex's families home. His family have never met him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowspottysocks1 · 03/02/2026 23:13

@TheIceBear no she never said anything, just turned up in skin tight racy black dress. I didn't say anything, just to keep the peace.

@NormasArse his mum got a photo of his son off of FB and got the artist to draw him in.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 03/02/2026 23:10

If they've made it quite clear you and your DC are not welcome, I wouldn't bother with any of them at all and I wouldn't be bothered about being in their picture - they're not your family or your children's family, they're your DHs family. Just let him see them on his own and ignore them!

Ponoka7 · 03/02/2026 23:10

The inlaws should count you as family, your children is up to them, unless your DH has adopted them? It is tough for children when their parent lives with other children. We are supposed to pretend it isn't, but it is. Your DH should be having words with his DD. Has he been a good Dad?

NormasArse · 03/02/2026 23:09

How was someone they’d never met in the drawing?

They sound like a nasty, mean spirited bunch- I’d just avoid them- doesn’t sound like you’re missing much.

TheIceBear · 03/02/2026 23:05

Personally I’d be glad to be not included in a tacky drawing . Let them away at it. The bridesmaid thing I would find quite rude if she didn’t tell you beforehand she wasn’t happy with dusky pink.. that really is quite rude I think

Original poster
Yellowspottysocks1 · 03/02/2026 23:02

He's not got a big family either so the drawing was of his grandparents/mum/step dad/auntie/uncle/his DD/and his DS he doesn't see (and none of them has even met)

OP posts:
Original poster
Yellowspottysocks1 · 03/02/2026 23:00

No back story, he was single for years before we got together and ran in the same friend group. His DD took an instant dislike as she doesn't like to in her words, share him especially with other kids. My DDs are 18 and 10.

@whattheysay he doesn't say anything to them. He's too scared to say anything from his DD in the fear she falls out with him.

OP posts:
whattheysay · 03/02/2026 22:54

Why is your husband tolerating this from his family

Worried8263839 · 03/02/2026 22:52

Awful, it would be upsetting for most people I think. Is there any back story? Why do you think they have taken a dislike to you and your children?

JLou08 · 03/02/2026 22:50

It wouldn't hurt me. I'd be angry for a bit, I'd then feel pity for them. They're pathetic and they are blatant attempts to make you feel excluded. Leave them to it. Don't make any effort with them, just enjoy the people who matter and treat you well.