Would this bother you?

I’d keep buying the presents, but they’d all be framed pictures of me - maybe a few would feature me and DH, but mainly just me 💁🏼‍♀️

OP, it would bother me, but saying that I would simply match energy by stopping doing anything for them and leaving the DH to dealing with his family and SD.

If you treat people horribly, you don’t get to expect anything from them including accepting rudeness.

Give the SD what she wants and don’t lift a finger for her. She’s an adult and old enough to know better and you’re just an easier target to let her frustrations out on. Leave it to your DH to get her gifts and do things for her. She doesn’t want a relationship with you so better to accept that and treat her like an acquaintance you are polite to for DH’s sake and nothing else.

All these people piling on the OP are being unfair. It doesn’t sound like she’s done anything wrong and she’s not responsible for her DH’s past choices. His family sound awful. If it was me I’d go no or low contact with the in-laws and stop buying them any presents immediately. Zero effort from now on. His DD is a different case. The dress thing at your wedding would have annoyed me too and the photo album of him and his ex was pretty childish. She doesn’t sound very mature for a 23 year old. You seem to have handled things sensibly and maturely. I’d just minimise contact with her and just be politely reserved when you do see her.

I would just continue with my own life and have nothing at all to do with them. Why on earth would you want to be part of such an awful family? Hopefully they have other family to help out when they are older, because they wouldn't be getting any help from me. My advice would be to stay away, and don't ever invite them to your house. If your DH wants to socialize he can do it at their place, and don't buy them gifts, they really aren't worth the time and effort, and once again your DH can take over that. If I had in-laws who didn't like me I actually couldn't care less.

I think posters who think 23 year olds shouldn't have anytime 1:1 with their Dads are sad people.

I knew it. They refuse to acknowledge you and you are running around after them trying to make them like you and your DH look good.

It's a new year - take control of your time and effort. Match their energy. Stop humiliating yourself. Stop buying gifts, stop sending cards, don't arrange for them to come to your home, you don't need to be hosting such rude people. Let your Husband do it.

Crikey. I really don't understand why you're so shocked.

OP has clearly stated that she's told her husband that he's not been a good father.

You're family experience is just one of millions, all of them different.

It really doesn't become you to be so superior to a woman who's being hurt by the behaviour of her in-laws.

And yes @Yellowspottysocks1 I'd be hurt too, but I hope I'd learn to ignore them PDQ. There's not really anything else you can do, apart from leave him and the entire situation behind.

Your DH has to do a lot of work with his family here IMO.
He's trying to stick his head in the sand in the hope that this 'awkwardness' will go away.
He is the only person who can try to broker a better arrangement between you and his family. If he's not prepared to accept that it needs to be done then I'm sorry that you married him.

I would definitely be hurt, and I do think these people are being deliberately cruel. You deserve better.

23! I had DC1 at 23. I was married (still am more than thirty years later!) with a mortgage. That child, now 31 is married to his first ever girlfriend at 16, they bought their firs home at 23.
You speaking like that, no wonder DD is the way she is. I'm shocked, and after being here a long time, that's rare.

Out of interest, do you facilitate any gatherings of his family at your house, gifts, cards, celebration nights out etc?

Your DH sounds pretty dreadful tbh, he saw his daughter once a month, and now sees his son the same pitiful amount? What a father. And he’s too gutless and lazy to stand up for you, so he tells you to suck it up instead. It’s not surprising to me that his family are dreadful too. He learned at his mother’s knee how to treat people.

I'm sad you mustn't have had a good relationship with your own Dad

How have you come to that conclusion?

Is it only adults who don't like sharing their Dad that have good relationships with them.

But none of that has any bearing on him being a decent father. He hasn't been. Look at his relationship with his children, his exes are irrelevant. 23 isn't that young. His DD' education was taking off as he was approaching 30. He was the same age as his DD is now, how much slack are you cutting her?

So she's mourning not having a proper father while he had a great relationship with your children. She's directing her anger at you. He's got a lot to appologise for.

So, she's 23. Why shouldn't she have Sue tie and with her Dad.

i'm sorry you find the idea ridiculous, I'm sad you mustn't have had a good relationship with your own Dad.

Out of interest what did your DH do with the tacky drawing?

From your explanation it appears DH has already had two DC with different women. Then you come along with DC.
My DB raised a DSS, who we all absolutely and treated as family. SIL had an affair and left. We were heartbroken. We haven't been allowed to see DSN since the day she left. Being generous to your inlawas, perhaps they're wary getting involved with a third family. If DB got married again and had SC I know I would be.

Don’t waste time and your energy overthinking what/why dh’s dm & dd are like this. Do what makes you and your family happy. Life is too short for over thinking.