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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think baby news should be happy, not a competition?

63 replies

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 20:49

My younger brother and his wife are expecting their first baby in March. Today I told my parents that I am also expecting (#3) and they've suggested I don't share the news with the wider family until after DBro's baby is born so I don't 'steal their thunder'.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous?! I'll be around 20 weeks pregnant by their due date and I know they want a few weeks to themselves before seeing people. So either when their baby is born I say 'hey surprise I'm already half way through cooking another one!' or I turn up to meet their newborn with a noticeable bump. Surely either of those would be way more of a statement than just quietly mentioning something now?

Think at this moment I'm honestly a little hurt that mums reaction was to ask if I was kidding, followed up by basically instructing me to keep it to myself. Writing this out perhaps more of a chat with them is needed in case there's more to it. But now it feels weird, like I've done something shameful rather than something people will join me in celebrating. I'm just not of the mindset that life is some ongoing game of top trumps and that someone's good news could sour someone else's moment, esp 6 weeks in advance! But thought I'd ask the hive mind in case I'm being naive.

OP posts:
Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 03/02/2026 22:07

Your mistake is taking bat shit lessons from parents - just make the announcement

90sTrifle · 03/02/2026 22:01

Not exactly the same but near enough. When I was 8mnths pregnant with my second child, my DSis announced she was also pregnant with her 3 DC. It didn’t take anything away from my excitement of meeting my baby and didn’t steal any attention from anyone.

There’s no reason to keep it a secret if you’re ready to announce it. If you do though, I bet your DB and SIL will be forever embarrassed if they are the reason you kept it on the quiet - even if you told them you were just following orders from your ‘bonkers’ DM. Tell your DB - he can then choose if he tells his wife.

Monsterstep · 03/02/2026 21:49

When I was heavily pregnant with my first my dad told me tha my step sister was pregnant with her third but that she hadn’t wanted to say anything as didn’t want to steal my thunder. I thought it was a weird thing to say then and I think it’s a weird thing for your mum to worry about too.

Dollymylove · 03/02/2026 21:46

Babies are born every minute of every day. Its ridiculous to be told to hide your pregnancy for someone else's benefit 😒

xOlive · 03/02/2026 21:42

I’m all for batshit crazy Mums doing crazy Mum things but she’s definitely wrong on this one.
Congratulations!
I’m also growing number 3 and at this point, if it’s another girl I might as well emigrate 😂
Definitely tell your brother, it would seem more odd to turn up with a bump and then it would be the talk of the room.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/02/2026 21:33

Their year! That sort of bollocks needs nipping in the bud. What are you going to do, hide your baby for 9 months. Is no one else allowed to have a big birthday, get a new job.

Pandering to this crap is making people both entitled and miserable.

Inevergotthatfar · 03/02/2026 21:31

This is a bit nuts on your Mum's part, you are more likely to "steal their thunder" if you announce it when their baby is born.

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:31

@Nearly50omg I wouldn't say so these days. Maybe felt like it a bit when he was a cherubic looking youngster, and he was a right mess as a teen and yet got away with murder regularly 😂 but then I think my parents have supported us all when we've had wobbles/screw ups tbh, just only realise it with the beauty of hindsight. Now he's in his 30's with his fair share of positive, negative and neutral life experience like the rest it feels pretty equitable l I'd say.

OP posts:
TalkingShrub · 03/02/2026 21:29

She’s being quite mad, OP. People have babies all the time. It’s nice, but very ordinary news. It’s not like you’re trumping his Golden Globe with an Oscar or something!

idontgetitdoyou · 03/02/2026 21:27

This reply has been withdrawn

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Nearly50omg · 03/02/2026 21:24

Is your brother the favourite/golden child?

Getching99 · 03/02/2026 21:20

What an odd response. I mean, if you announced your pregnancy at the time or shortly after their baby is born, that is much more likely to “steal their thunder” if it was seen as “ok, great, you’ve had your time now on to the next!” - it’s not as if they’ve just announced either.

Honestly it’s backwards logic as well as just being generally unreasonable.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/02/2026 21:14

Congratulations - no, your mum’s reaction is not normal.

Happytaytos · 03/02/2026 21:12

If you are worried at all, send the news as a text and then there's no expectation on an instant response. I was overjoyed when my sister was pregnant just as I was about to give birth. Such lovely news.

500daysofspring · 03/02/2026 21:09

I think it would actually look more like you were trying to “steal their thunder” if you waited until after the baby is born.

Arlanymor · 03/02/2026 21:09

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:05

@Arlanymor this is my way of thinking absolutely. But I've had too many situations in life where my way is not the common way and so have learned to think before I speak.

Also sending huge hugs for how tough that must have been xx

That's really sweet of you and I am honestly though the difficult bits now. I have two amazing expensive goddaughters that bring me heaps of joy. This is just the way my life is supposed to be and I have to find other outlets for my nurturing.

I don't blame you at all for coming on here and taking the temperature because sometimes people come out with crap that makes you think: "Er, what? Do we live on the same planet?!"

Celebrate, enjoy, you deserve to. It's lovely news. You shouldn't have to keep it to yourself for some arbitrary and unfounded reason! Xxx

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:08

Ah you lot are making me feel a lot better, thank you. It threw me for a six a bit and I was concerned I'd missed some massive social norm/was running the risk of being unknowingly selfish.

OP posts:
Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:07

helpagal · 03/02/2026 21:05

Congratulations OP. Your mum is the one being unreasonable here. That’s a really hurtful response. Surely your brother and SIL would think it very odd if you didn’t tell them till you’re half way through?! It’s not like you’re due on the same day or even at the same time! And saying it’s ‘their year’ is a bit yucky. No one can lay claim to a year ffs. And it’s their first and your third so without being rude to you, that’s going to be a bigger deal for them and their wider circle then your announcement will be for you. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to have a little cousin the same age for their baby!

100% agree! It's a lovely moment for them becoming a family 💙 whereas #3 is a bit 'another one?!' I say this as one of 5 myself 😂 people tend to take it in their stride by that point!

OP posts:
Coffeeandbooks88 · 03/02/2026 21:07

It is baby number three. No one is much bothered by that.

Happytaytos · 03/02/2026 21:06

She's definitely being wierd. I think a low key announcement now is best. It would be so odd to turn up with a 20 week bump having said nothing. How awkward!!!

Maryberrysbouffant · 03/02/2026 21:05

Your dm is deranged. Tell people when you’re ready to tell them, and tell her to sod off.

helpagal · 03/02/2026 21:05

Congratulations OP. Your mum is the one being unreasonable here. That’s a really hurtful response. Surely your brother and SIL would think it very odd if you didn’t tell them till you’re half way through?! It’s not like you’re due on the same day or even at the same time! And saying it’s ‘their year’ is a bit yucky. No one can lay claim to a year ffs. And it’s their first and your third so without being rude to you, that’s going to be a bigger deal for them and their wider circle then your announcement will be for you. I’m sure they’ll be pleased to have a little cousin the same age for their baby!

Tableforjoan · 03/02/2026 21:05

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:03

I completely agree that telling people about #3 feels like a non event 😂

And I know you only have my word for it but I am more of a person to make the situation about anyone other than me rather than the opposite. I don't like attention much. I think turning up with a bump would be the most uncomfortable moment ever. Or even having to explain why I've waited so long to tell people!

Definitely just arriving hugely pregnant would make more of a scene like look at me 🤰

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 21:05

@Arlanymor this is my way of thinking absolutely. But I've had too many situations in life where my way is not the common way and so have learned to think before I speak.

Also sending huge hugs for how tough that must have been xx

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 03/02/2026 21:04

Yeah I think your mum is being weird. I don't get people who see it as stealing thunder or some weird competition. I was pregnant at the same time as my sister and she was really excited, her baby getting a cousin the same age, not mad.

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