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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think baby news should be happy, not a competition?

63 replies

Confusednbemused · 03/02/2026 20:49

My younger brother and his wife are expecting their first baby in March. Today I told my parents that I am also expecting (#3) and they've suggested I don't share the news with the wider family until after DBro's baby is born so I don't 'steal their thunder'.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous?! I'll be around 20 weeks pregnant by their due date and I know they want a few weeks to themselves before seeing people. So either when their baby is born I say 'hey surprise I'm already half way through cooking another one!' or I turn up to meet their newborn with a noticeable bump. Surely either of those would be way more of a statement than just quietly mentioning something now?

Think at this moment I'm honestly a little hurt that mums reaction was to ask if I was kidding, followed up by basically instructing me to keep it to myself. Writing this out perhaps more of a chat with them is needed in case there's more to it. But now it feels weird, like I've done something shameful rather than something people will join me in celebrating. I'm just not of the mindset that life is some ongoing game of top trumps and that someone's good news could sour someone else's moment, esp 6 weeks in advance! But thought I'd ask the hive mind in case I'm being naive.

OP posts:
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TomMorrow · 11/02/2026 10:03

routineiskey · 03/02/2026 20:56

My sister never spoke to me again as I got pregnant when her dd was 1 month old. Apparently she was ‘the priority’ and it wasnt fair that I did that as she wanted me to help her and thought I was done having dc!!!!

I had the same with my sister-in-law. She genuinely expected DH and I to stop trying for an indefinite length of time to preserve her ‘thunder’.

Original poster
Confusednbemused · 11/02/2026 09:59

I spoke to DM about how uncomfortable I was and mentioned it felt far stranger to keep it stchum till after my niece is born. She agreed that actually that would be more dramatic. So have now told DB. He was quite surprised, but happy.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I was completely overthinking it and getting myself in a tiz. One of these days I'll learn to just trust my instincts.

OP posts:
SJM1988 · 04/02/2026 10:44

Every time I have been pregnant, one or other of my SIL's has been too. It was a total non issue. Its not a competition and everyone is on their own path.

I'd tell your DB and SIL first and go from there if you think they will be funny. They can't have dibs on the whole year just because it is there first.
I wouldn't just show up with a bump either and pretend its not happening just because they are due or have had the baby. I think that is way worse than just getting it out the way and telling them now.

I was showing at 6 weeks with my 3rd (my SIL figured it out from a photo taken at a wedding) so its highly likely you wont be able to hid it for long. By 20 weeks I looked like I did full term with my 1st!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/02/2026 09:29

Your parents are bonkers!

It’s much better to tell people now rather than them all just seeing you’re pregnant when you visit the baby!

Iloveeverycat · 04/02/2026 08:45

Scarydinosaurs · 03/02/2026 21:14

Congratulations - no, your mum’s reaction is not normal.

This. Cant see why it would make any difference.

UninitendedShark · 04/02/2026 08:14

Nearly50omg · 03/02/2026 21:24

Is your brother the favourite/golden child?

This was my first thought too. Is it just an example of how parents can favour one child over another or treat a son differently to a daughter?

Congratulations!

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 04/02/2026 08:03

Also @Confusednbemused ignore your mum she's been hurtful and is a bit crazy
I bet your brother and sil will be thrilled to have cousins close in age

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 04/02/2026 08:01

Arlanymor · 03/02/2026 20:58

No you don't consult people on when you talk about your pregnancy, that's bananas. You're allowed to shout it from the rooftops whenever you want.

I say this as someone who after a long ten-year struggle found out they couldn't have children and made it clear that if anyone delayed/kept news from me they would be treating me like an invalid and reinforcing my biological inabilities.

If you have great news, then shout it from the rooftops, it's hardly going to overshadow anything (although overshadowing isn't a thing unless you have a massive ego) and you are entitled to celebrate your good fortune.

Show quote history

It's not "bananas" its having a chat with a sibling and telling them first.
I said it would be better to say sooner rather than close to the baby is born if op is happy to do that
Im.not sure what plans are around "announce' different people do different things. If I was due my first and my sibling announced it at my baby shower I may be happy or wish she had waited.
Its that kind of discussion.
And I think most baby announcements are exciting whether it is the 1st, 3rd or 5th

Ella31 · 03/02/2026 23:45

Congrats OP, wishing you all the best. Absolutely dont hide your pregnancy. Same thing happened to us except we were the other couple. Backstory: we had a terrible tragedy two years ago. Our twins passed away at birth, worst week of our lives. I got pregnant again after and it turned out dh's sibling was pregnant too and due shortly after us too. They didnt want to say anything as we had lost so much and they thought it was our moment but we were genuinely so happy with their news and also that our dd would have a little playmate.

I think your dm is being overly cautious and I cant see how anyone couldn't be anything but happy for you xx

blythet · 03/02/2026 23:10

I’d be happy if my sibling & partner were pregnant around the same time as me as it would be so lovely for the both babies to have a cousin so close in age and I’d hope they’d grow up together and have a special friendship/bond

ThePerfectWeekender · 03/02/2026 23:05

Playing Devil's advocate (HRTFT), maybe DM wants to save your feelings. Firstborns are seen as special and the average family is now under 2 DC. By the time you get to number 3 (unless it's a sex that hasn't occurred in generations), it's barely news apart from to the parents. I say that as the mother of 3 amazing adult DC.

paimio · 03/02/2026 22:59

Your mum is being odd. Tell whomever you want whenever you want. It’s happy news!

My own sibling announced they were pregnant (at a couple of weeks gestation) two days after my DC was born, when we were in NICU (they were visiting DC) and we thought DC might die. Now that is terrible timing!

bridgetreilly · 03/02/2026 22:44

It’s not your mother’s decision to make. Tell your brother and check whether they are happy for you to tell people now.

biggestcatmom · 03/02/2026 22:41

routineiskey · 03/02/2026 20:56

My sister never spoke to me again as I got pregnant when her dd was 1 month old. Apparently she was ‘the priority’ and it wasnt fair that I did that as she wanted me to help her and thought I was done having dc!!!!

What the actual fuck??? Your sister must be deranged

ThatMintMember · 03/02/2026 22:36

Utterly ridiculous. Definitely share your news :) my sister was pregnant with her 2nd baby and 3 months later I announced i was pregnant with my first. It was lovely, everyone was excited about both babies, knitted things for both and it brought me and my sister closer as we'd message constantly about pregnancy and then baby stuff. It might bring you closer to you SIL too.

Congratulations!

NoYourNameChanged · 03/02/2026 22:31

How absolutely ridiculous!! If they were due in the next two weeks, and you were very very early on in your pregnancy, I guess I could sort of see the argument for letting them have their moment before announcing your lovely news but this is laughable. I was sort of on the other side, my brother and sister in law were so nervous to tell me they were having another baby (#4!) due two months after my first because when I got pregnant with my eldest, it had taken us a longgggg time and lots of heartache, and they thought they’d be treading on my toes, or something equally bonkers. WRONG. I was thrilled, and my DC1 and their DC4 are thick and thieves to this day. There are so many lovely positives to cousins growing up close in age and to having your post partum ‘journey’ run alongside a close family member, imo,

Shinyandnew1 · 03/02/2026 22:29

She said something about 2026 being 'their year'

Whose year-your brother's year or your mum's?

Surely you having a baby doesn't detract from either of their years anyway.

Strawberry53 · 03/02/2026 22:27

This is such a weird suggestion from your Mum?! So much weirder to tell them when you’re half way through they’ll surely be like why didn’t you tell us sooner?!

Ignore your mum and tell them when you’re ready to.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 03/02/2026 22:25

routineiskey · 03/02/2026 20:56

My sister never spoke to me again as I got pregnant when her dd was 1 month old. Apparently she was ‘the priority’ and it wasnt fair that I did that as she wanted me to help her and thought I was done having dc!!!!

It sounds like you have dodged a bullet - what a brat.

OP tell people when YOU want to.

Wreckinball · 03/02/2026 22:25

Sorry but your mum is being bonkers, tell your DB And friends and let it get round by itself - congratulations on DC3

CheeseyOnionPie · 03/02/2026 22:24

Crazy suggestion from your mum.

Announce your news however you like with as much joy as you like. God knows these events don’t come around everyday, why should you announce your happy news as if it’s something to be ashamed of? Anyone who thinks you’re “stealing their thunder” needs to grow tf up.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 03/02/2026 22:23

That was shitty of her. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled that their baby will have a cousin so close in age.

mondaytosunday · 03/02/2026 22:19

If they are expecting next month then surely everyone has known for some time?
It’s always lovely news to hear of a pregnancy but really people don’t care that much! Once you tell people they will pretty much forget about it til the birth is imminent. You won’t be stealing anyone’s thunder at all.

Happyjoe · 03/02/2026 22:10

Lol, that's crazy talk from your parents!!! Your pregnancy isn't to be hidden, it's double the celebration - and congrats to you and wonderful news for your brother too!

KitchenQuestion · 03/02/2026 22:09

I could understand it seeming like attention seeking if you announced right around the due date and/or announced unusually early. But announcing at 14 weeks when there’s still 6 weeks until the other baby is born is absolutely fine.

Once the baby is born, surely it would be “stealing the thunder” more to announce your pregnancy (or turn up massively obviously pregnant!) in that first month when baby is still a novelty and people want to meet them and fuss. So is your mum really suggesting you then wait 1-2 months after the birth, so you’re 24-28 weeks? That’s very unreasonable.