that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

It's not about staying in for me it's about the fact that you centre your childrens wants in everything so they don't get to experience doing normal stuff or just boredom. You don't take them to restaurants or shops, I doubt you would take them to the supermarket, the tip or the car wash. They don't get to see you hanging out with your friends whilst they have to create their own fun for a bit. It sounds like you have lost yourself in parenting which is easy to do, but I don't think it creates very well-rounded kids.

I do clubs / swimming on weekdays and never have a permanent thing arranged on weekends

4 and nearly 2 year old here as well

so our weekends always free

we take turns exert other week having a day to ourselves an the other has both kids

sometimes we take a kid each and do something different (example might take big girl to cinema and then lunch)

last week husband took older one to b&q and sat for an hour and a half closing the items we need for new bathroom and let the 5 year old watch the iPad and eat some sweets 🤷‍♀️ had to get it done haha

and I carve out time mid week for ourselves too - I go gym at least 2 evenings and cinema or meet a friend one evening too.

Today we've got no plans. DD is at school in September and I'll probably go back to five days a week then, so we are using our Friday's as a combination of "adventure" days and downtime til then.

We will take the dog for a walk (rainy one but the pair of them love a puddle) and we might go do the food shopping today but that's it today. She's had a VERY busy week, I had to go to London for a day (we are not London or SE based) and so this week downtime is necessary.

She has some classes throughout the week (We're off Mondays too and that's mega busy) and we've considered some weekend ones but we tend to visit family on a Saturday and then have family time on Sunday, which is either all in the garden or we'll make use of the NT membership or something like that.

If she desperately wanted to do something else we'd do it for her, but she loves what she does and she genuinely loves a downtime day. She gave DH a very long look the other day when he suggested we go out and informed him she was having a PJ day 🤣

Do what works for you.

This. One 5yo here and sometimes we have very wholesome child-led weekends at the zoo, soft play, riverside walks and play dates with cousins, but sometimes we’re mad busy and he has to come to Sainsburys and B&Q with me and then spend the afternoon at home playing with his toys, drawing, crafting, baking or watching a film.

and to the slightly veiled comments about the terrible shame of only children having to entertain themselves on occasion: lol. It’s fine.

I meant the going out every weekend even on family outings like NT places. An afternoon at home where one parent reads/ paints/ plays with the kids whilst the other meets friends, shops etc would help you get your own time back.

Do the kids need so much going on? The 5 year old goes to school 5 days a week. Surely, chilling at home for a day or afternoon in the weekend would be welcome.

I think a lot of people fall into this trap, they cease being individuals and solely become parents, then before they know it they look up, have no social life, no friends, and their marriage is one of co parenting only.

id advise you to try to carve out time for yourselves, and try ri find ways to be a couple. A family is more than just being a parent.

As a teacher I have noticed a real shift in children’s behaviour at the beginning of the week. Years ago they used to come to school on a Monday well rested and ready to learn. Now they are tired and unsettled and behaviour improves as the week goes on. I think families feel pressured to cram so much into the weekend and no one gets any down time. It’s also good for children to learn to entertain themselves and for parents to chill out a bit!

I sometime compare my kids relative lack of scheduled activity to her friends who do brownies, gymnastics, theatre, piano, swimming, dance, tennis etc but I resist the urge to add because we like to have genuine free time and to go away at weekends.

We have two kids, 7 and 4. Our weekends are mixed. Mostly like yours - we visit national trust or our local botanical gardens where we have membership, pretty frequently. Our eldest has piano and they both do swimming. No sport yet but I’m hoping my eldest will join netball little league next year. We will most Saturday mornings, potter to our local high street - I do an exercise class and then meet everyone else for a coffee and pop into the local library.

In January the weather was so bad we stayed in and played a bit more but we usually get out. Meals out are just about becoming reliably enjoyable but we don’t linger! I take my eldest shopping sometimes. Our weekends from Feb half term onwards get pretty busy - holidays, birthdays, day trips - until after Easter.

I think what you’ve described is very normal! We both have a day off with our youngest in the week and that’s usually quite chilled too.

I am glad I had no idea how full on the older primary years + would be with activities! If they find a hobby they like you can find yourself with multiple nights take up with it and some weekends. It was much easier for us when they were younger and we could decide what we were doing!

to me, your life would be massively over-scheduled. There is no down time. No time for you to be yourself and do your own thing, no time for your DC to learn how to deal with boredom or self-entertain.

I thrive on socialising and sport. Having 4 kids had meant we had to be inventive.

Days out we would usually invite a few families along, then have a take away or meal out at ours and let the kids play/have a big sleepover and we would have a drink.

Or go to the park, let the kids run free and have a big picnic (and wine).

Do babysitting swaps with other parents, had a rota.

Go out without DH once a week at least and play sport 2 times. Often would have to take a child or two who would sit on the side watching (obviously from about 4 onwards). We also took them to endless activities!

We like the outdoors, parks, hiking so we are outside a lot which works for us and our toddler. We also go to restaurants quite a lot, my toddler is used to it now. DH and I also each have a little social with friends while the other cares for our son.

Your weekend would honestly do my head in. But you do whatever works for you. If you and your kids are happy, nothing else matters really.

You’re doing too much. Do you never just spend time at home ?

I am joining in with my kids and their friends and their families. We see them all 7 days a week at the kids sports. My children would never ever forgive me if I took them out of football and basketball to do geocaching with us instead, and I’m pretty sure their friends parents would all judge us as depriving our children of their passions and hanging out with their friends.

This.

It definitely isn’t about 1 child vs 2. Only child families tend to be able to do more IME - only one child’s hobbies to bankroll/ schedule. Fewer mat leaves/ gaps in employment. Used to hanging around with adults all the time etc.

I also agree unstructured free time is incredibly important for brain development esp in early childhood but I know plenty of families who feel a keen need to have a plan and activity for every moment, but it would be a boring world if we were all the same.

But as PPs have said - it’s all to do with working hours.

Eldest is nearly 11, plus 7 and 3 year old. Between 6am-9pm I am either with kids or working. There is no child-free time and hasn't been in all that time. I find the concept of having a day to myself completely and utterly baffling, then remember that many people do live like that! I enjoy my life, but I do feel I am living through and for them, and to be honest I have forgotten who I actually am. That time will come again though, and I know I will miss my children being little.