that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

I have 2 children. They do clubs throughout the week. And one lesson on a Sunday morning. We do boring mundane stuff at a weekend 🤣

You edited this as I was replying. It's unfair on you that you were responsible for getting everyone everywhere.

Nobody gets priority. You talk to the other parents and organise lift shares, or they don't do it every week. Our coach picks some kids up. There are 11 kids on DS's team and max 8 go to every match so at least 3 have the week off. Sounds like you're done with all that though so why so defensive?

My football comment was just an observation that most of Mumsnet hates football. And as for the snippy comment about Cadets fostering independence - DS will be able to get himself to sports when he's 12 aka Cadet age and I think it fosters some great attributes and attitudes.

But there's two of you parenting, right? So not ALL of you have to spend the time assisting one with an interest. One parent takes, the other has the other kid(s).

You could even maybe get a few activities at the same sort of time in the same kind of place and let them ALL do something they liked. Or the others get some special time with mum or dad while the one gets some time with the other parent (to and fro).

I got to quite a high level of show jumping when I was younger, and I wouldn't have been able to do that if my parents took your stance. My younger sister had one on one time with the parent that didn't take me, the elder was old enough to chill on her own for a bit. We were done by 1030 most Sunday mornings so other than needing a shower we still had the whole day. Events we split with other parents from the group.

It sounds like you're basically saying they all do everything together and no one gets to follow their own interests. Seems quite unfair to all of them.

I wouldn't be allowing ANY of them to do something that took up EVERY weekend for the whole family. We were a family not just one person gets to do something at the expense of everyone.

So they did thing when they could sort it themselves - or in the case of DS his dad could take him.

Even discounting him though how would it work if the other 2 wanted to do different things every Sat morning that I was expected to take them to? Who gets priority as I couldn't be in two places at once. Or none of them when I was working

Flip it round though, and you're saying ones wants aren't important because the others aren't interested.

I don't particularly want to spend my Saturday mornings stood on a touchline, but if DD was properly interested, we'd make it happen for her. Because she can't make it happen for herself, she's 4.

@dampmuddyandcold I think what people are struggling to understand is how you're saying its 'only' 30 mins of swimming, or 1 hour of ballet - so how on earth is that all of your free time?

I think what my OP was about was wondering wheat what point weekends or free time stop revolving so much about the children you literally say this, but then enforce that its only 30 mins. So what happens with the remaining 11 hours of the day?!

We have 2 they're 8 and 5. we both work FT - Weeknights are
Monday - DH plays padel.
Tuesday DS2 swim lesson at 5:30
Wednesday DS1 Karate/Me kickboxing both 6-7
Thursday free evening
Friday free evening but DH or I usually sees friends, tends to be every other week. Movie night in with the kids be that one of us with them or both if neither have plans.

Saturday morning - Karate for both of them 9-10, DH usually takes them while I do a food shop.
Sunday Morning ds1 swim lesson 9-9:30. I take him and DH stays home and makes a big breakfast with ds2 for us getting home.

We still manage a lot of downtime, I read before bed most nights, there's always lego on the dining table, I weightlift 3 mornings a week before work (at home, Caroline Girvan)
Saturday afternoons are often either a family day out or DH plays golf or takes one of the boys to the driving range or to the football matches, sometimes DH will go with friends and I'll have the boys at home - just depends on the week.
Sundays are time to clean the house, do some baking with the kids, we usually have a roast and a family walk out weather depending - but we did that pre kids too.

Football matches are not my scene. And why should all my kids miss out because one wanted to play? Or are my others unimportant?

I don’t get up for my 10 and 7 yo on the weekends! The 3yo yes, but even she now sometimes just plays with her brothers.

Ah, "bloody football match". Got it!

Our weekend look more like yours, but we both work full time so the weekend is the only time we get quality time with them.

I used to like taking my kids away places at weekends We would jump in the car after school on Friday and return Sunday night. To have a bloody football match every Saturday would be very restrictive to doong anything else.

DS didn't really play weekend football until secondary school age and left it to his dad to spend his bloody time standing by a freezing field. And by that time the others were flown up and left home

Tbh I never arranged weekend stuff for the kids when they were young enough that they had to be taken. Also I worked some weekends so it just wasn't feasible as they'd be either with Dad or grandparents, none of whom lived that close by or drive

Once they were old enough to take themselves places they could do weekend stuff but the deal was if they wanted to join something they figured how to get there and back

In fact it was the cadets ( both army and ATC) that were their choices and they positively encouraged independence rather than parents doing the slog

It alternates between 9am Sat and 9am Sun each year here until secondary. He did rugby until last year and all of those are simultaneous at 10am Sundays (big club with loads of space). Totally appreciate it is a pain at 2pm but I'm more referring to those who refuse to do it at any age.

@ShakyFridge its quite normal for the matches to get later as the children get older. DDs is at 2pm this week.

To be honest most sport is both weekends AND midweek. DS7 plays a football match on Saturdays at 9am and his practice is at 6 on a weeknight.

I don't get all the hate for weekend activities. The match is done by 10 and then we can all go out for a family breakfast. I've been seeing the same parents every week for 3 years at football and rugby and we have a good chat. Plus we go together and we like watching him play!

If we are away/at a theme park/have a birthday party he really wants to attend we just say no on the poll.

NuffsaidSam .The point is as you say,DC wont be small forever.However it really does go so quickly! (I remember my MIL saying this at the time) and its nice to have a little one on one if you can. We often used to do this .DH would take DS to the park, and DD and I would do crafts .Or DD and DH would go swimming and I would feed the ducks with DS. A little tweaking would work well.

I think your life sounds very normal. Fast forward ten years and your children are going to want to be doing things with their friends rather than their parents so make the most of family time now. These family activities, not visits to a shopping outlet are the things they will remember in the future. Shopping with small children is not a fun activity for you or them. You will have plenty of time for doing more adult orientated activities soon enough, shopping is one of the few activities your teens will be willing to do with you, as long as you are buying😀..

Haven't rtft but I would think the biggest advantage of PT work or being a SAHM is that you can do activities mid week and free up weekends. I know not everything can be done this way, some are weekend only. I was SAHM for a while and the biggest difference between FT work and not working at all was my weekends. I still worked my ass off all week from dawn to dusk but made sure I was on top of everything, cleaning, laundry, meal prep, groceries, errands, personal exercise, appointments etc so weekends were free. We still had parties but enjoyed them, we weren't running around buying cards and gifts just showing up because that prep was done. I felt lucky to do this. Honestly having two children IS your whole life whether you work or not so you have to find that balance. It sounds like you have more free time than most people so it's a matter of time management.

Why can't they entertain themselves for an hour while you chill, though? DD is 4, she got up at 6 this morning which is late for her. She had breakfast and then got her teddies out and started playing a game with them, while I had my breakfast and drank my coffee in (relative) peace.

We'll do something together in a bit, but it's a good skill for kids to be able to relax or at least entertain themselves.

Haven’t had young DC for a long time but when they were very young we did a combination of family time/outings (sometimes meeting friends with their own children) and occasionally we’d get a babysitter and go out on a Sat night (PIL or other family babysat until DS was 4 then we had our teenage neighbour).

We’d also tag team a bit so dh would stay at home with them for a couple of hours so I could go out and vice versa. Once they were 3 and at school nursery there were a lot of kids’ parties too!

Yea I noticed that. it's either fill your kids time with whatever they want to do or sit inside and stare at the walls apparently.

My youngest are 10 and 8 and up early every weekend - no chilling in our household!

Exactly. OP is quite defensive though and not really getting it

This.

DD is obviously the centre of my world, because she should be. But sometimes we HAVE to do the food shopping. Or, like this week, I'm knackered after a very heavy week at work so she'll play with her barbies or Bluey stuff for a good chunk of the day. She's learned how to keep herself entertained for an hour or two when she needs to.

She has a great imagination and if I structured her whole time, she'd not use it and then she'd potentially lose the ability to.

Most of DS' clubs are after school in the week, he has gymnastics on a Sunday morning at 9 but other than that we keep weekends free so we can go out and do things as a family or see friends or just have a quiet day at home.