Don’t know how to feel about my dates ‘joke’

It would give me the ick too. I totally understand what her meant and it’s not really appropriate after you disclosed how you were feeling about intimacy 😬.

It was probably said as a joke but was totally the wrong moment.

I think that sounds icky, but I can see how he might think it was a bit of sexual flirtation when you'd sort of opened the door already. So my view is that I'm on the fence and ultimately, it really depends on hw YOU feel about it.

Agreed. I think my next course of action would depend on his response when challenged on it. Op could you say something like ‘I don’t want to appear melodramatic but I found what you said last night a little inappropriate given what I’d just said.’

If he’s decent then he will be mortified and apologetic. If he bites back with defensiveness or more juvenile bullshit then I’d have a rethink.

I'd be wary about progressing any further in this relationship. He sounds insensitive and possibly quite stupid.

After I lost my first husband, the first person I was intimate with (at a similar timeframe as you) is my now husband. He wouldn't dream of saying anything like that and was nothing but understanding. Also, possibly TMI, but I was very much up for it and not at all nervous when it happened. Probably because he was the right man for me.

It's probably normal to be nervous, but please don't ignore any uncomfortable feelings. Good luck to you. I hope you find as much happiness again as I have.

Yeah this is true. I think perhaps it warrants a quick revisit, if OP messages this guy and says something about it (not sure what) but makes it clear she found it very unpleasant and he takes this on board. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Maybe he is? We don’t know. I do know that I’ve put my foot in my mouth plenty of times. It was a childish and ill timed joke for sure. But I’m not sure it warrants a LTB if he’s otherwise nice and the op likes him. That’s just me.

The problem isn’t so much the juvenile crudity, it’s the fact that it was a reply to the OP saying she was nervous about having sex for the first time since her husband’s death!

He'd have to be a really good guy, this is just a really disgusting thing to say and it would make any romantic attraction or desire to be intimate vanish the second I read it. I would find it hard to overcome

He is implying she will enjoy herself so much after a long period of abstinence that she will squirt. Or in other words, assuming she will squirt with him as he is so good in bed 🤣

It’s pretty grim and insensitive. I’d also be concerned that he’s pretty fucking clueless about women, as a nervous woman is almost certainly going to be the exact opposite of what he’s suggesting with his ‘joke’.

Maybe you can ask for his number?

Gross and immature. He doesn't sound worth it OP.

Its giving Jay from the inbetweeners vibe.

Pretty tacky tbh.

I'm quite crude so it wouldn't bother me, but I understand why that would offend or put others off.

Indeed.

36? I thought you were going to say 17 😂 He sounds like a fucking idiot and I don’t really tolerate idiocy.

My husband died—oh you must be gagging for it?

Who are the mumsnetters who seem to think that there are any circumstances where a 36 year old man would make this conversational leap and be within bounds?

A sexualised gross joke after you’ve shared something intimate and vulnerable would be a hard no from me. I’m done teaching men basic social skills.

Oh dear.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he was trying to put you at ease by making a joke. It depends how he has been before the "joke".

If he's otherwise seemingly a nice guy I imagine he was trying to think of something to say in a difficult situation and missed the mark. Im sorry for the loss of your husband. I think it wasn't the best comment but I wouldn't judge him too harshly if he's otherwise been good company.

I presume he's another one of these 'all women are squirters' believers?

At best, it displays a kind of flawed understanding of human sexual response.

It's also odd to me that he was still thinking about this and decided that this additional follow-up comment would add value. It wasn't a knee jerk reaction to an unexpected admission from you that caught him off guard; he'd already replied perfectly normally and the conversation had moved on, and then he decided to circle back and "randomly" throw out an iffy, provocative, quasi-sexual comment. Why?

(Also, it's not that long under the circumstances.)

Yes this, immature. Shocked at him being 36 but then I guess some adults are incredibly immature for their age

I’m not sure I do either. Does he think the OP is so afire with sexual frustration that she’s going to be so wet he needs a mattress cover? Or that she’s going to wee herself?

Either way, he sounds like a tool, and as if he’s a bit confused by female anatomy.

Depends if the goods are up to standard...
Then give yourself time to decide if it was light hearted banter gone wrong or if he's a jerk..