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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that good skincare and "tweakments" do make a big difference?

110 replies

frostedcup · 03/02/2026 13:34

I'm in my late 40's and have for a long time resisted getting sucked into expensive skincare products, devices and treatments as a way to look better, have smoother skin etc. I know a lot of women in my age group as well as some younger and some older and so I feel like I do see the difference between those who have been like me i.e. fairly basic in their skincare to those who pay a lot for expensive products and get treatments. I know genetics do play a role but I am talking about women in my close family, women I grew up with who I know were doing the same damage to their looks in their youth that I was and yet their use of retinol, tretinoin, botox, face peels and so on seems to have completely slowed down the way that the damage has shown up on their faces in that it essentially doesn't.

I have been using some basic skincare for years such as cerave cleaners and moisturisers and I do use SPF most of the time. I would occasionally try a serum , toner or face mask but not consistently but last year I did invest in some higher end skincare and a tretinoin prescription and my skin is looking so much better and its really boosted my confidence. I have some forehead lines that I don't think topical skincare will address and so I have decided to get some botox in that area and am also considering a peel or dermal needling as well as an LED mask.

I always worried that botox would make me look overdone but when I look at the women I know who get it they just look better in my opinion. I do know one younger woman who looks a bit strange at certain angles but I believe that is down to filler use as I know she has that. Overall I think botox makes a big positive difference to the women I know have had it.

I do worry that by participating in getting botox and other skin treatments that I am perpetuating a kind of pressure on women to follow suit. I think in some ways that is what has happened to me really that I got fed up of being on the other side of that divide of those who have it and those who haven't or perhaps it doesn't really matter and we all just do our own thing.

OP posts:
sundayvibeswig22 · 03/02/2026 14:11

admittedly I spend a lot of money on skincare. I have Botox once every 9 months and then monthly treatments ranging from skin boosters, hydra facials, chemical peels, laser and Morpheus. I always go to the same place and I have a plan for the next 6 months.

on a daily basis I use future renew (boots) serum, balm cleanser, day and night cream and alternate vit c and hypotonic acid. This is prob a mid range but I’ve used high cost products and find this is just as good, if not better.

My skin looks better now than it did in my 20’s and 30’s.

Whyarepeople · 03/02/2026 14:08

I have absolutely no interest in botox etc but I don't think you should feel the slightest bit guilty about getting it or any other treatments done. The only concern I'd have is if you don't really want to do anything but you feel pushed into it, for fear of being seen as ugly or being overlooked/treated badly. If it would genuinely make you feel better and be a positive step, go for it. It may be the case that you're subtly perpetuating inequality but life's too bloody short to worry that much. In a world that contains Jeffrey Epstein and his cronies, I don't think you have much to feel bad about.

Original poster
frostedcup · 03/02/2026 14:08

@minipie Yes that is exactly my point, if even a quarter of the women you know are getting these things done you start to feel more haggard in comparison and suddenly moisturiser and a bit of make up isn't enough to scrub up well and so if you do it you do just increase the pressure on the next person and so on. However it is a personal choice and I don't think it's wrong to get it done.

OP posts:
HotdogMacaroniCheese · 03/02/2026 14:08

But it’s not just women, although there is and always has been pressure on women to look younger. Male grooming is huge now.

minipie · 03/02/2026 14:04

I agree with you OP that (done well) it does work.

I also agree it’s annoying the bar has now changed. So many women are having these things done that those who don’t will look worse by comparison. So I agree it isn’t just a personal decision, it impacts others too.

I haven’t done anything yet (mid 40s) but may start. It’s more not having got round to it and not knowing where to go, than a principled decision.

Original poster
frostedcup · 03/02/2026 14:04

@itsthetea I do see your point but we are human animals and our looks do matter in society and in how we see ourselves, I agree it would be better if that weren't so but I unfortunately it is. Older women I think are more visible and vibrant than ever in the culture and I wonder how much of that is down to our ability to hold off some of the worst ravages of time?

I also think that confidence isn't just from looking younger it just stops people pigeon holing you and your work as in that older bracket and so you get a fairer shake of the stick workwise which brings its own boost in confidence.

Again though my question is when women go down this road and get these treatments does it further entrench inequalities for other women?

OP posts:
Catza · 03/02/2026 14:03

Just like the previous poster, I don't really care what anyone else thinks about what treatments I do. We could take this to extreme - not wear makeup, not use deodorant or perfume, not dress neatly, not brush our hair... But, rebelling against "pressure on women" is a job in itself and I am not sure what's more energy-demanding.
I am in my 40s with very good genetics. I haven't really used any consistent skincare at all until very recently because my genetics allowed me. As I approach menopause, this is no longer the case. I don't spend massive amounts of money on expensive products but I did recently invested in a good Korean range. I have Botox once every 9 months. I experimented with various combinations and settled on just treating one area between my brows. Although, I am considering doing something to lift the corners of my mouth as I recently noticed I am starting to look a bit grumpy with age-related changes o that area.
I have a tiny amount of lip filler probably once every 2-3 years to restore lost volume.
I don't want to look younger. I just want to look good for my age. Which I do.

Original poster
frostedcup · 03/02/2026 13:59

@HotdogMacaroniCheese I do think that it is perhaps just best to focus on how it makes you happy if you do it and not to worry to much about it in a deeper way. I think I just tend to look at things to a critical lens and can't help but see the wider impact of personal choices, especially one's that spread though a group, I just wonder about it that is all.

OP posts:
itsthetea · 03/02/2026 13:59

It’s sad when people get so hung up on looking young , when confidence and happiness comes from how you look

HotdogMacaroniCheese · 03/02/2026 13:55

I’m in my 40s and have been getting Botox for about a year now, every 4 months or so for forehead and crows feet, and have started using Korean skincare. My skin is amazing, it glows.

I couldn’t really care less what anyone thinks of it.