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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I a bad person?

55 replies

Razmataz911 · 03/02/2026 10:21

I feel like I’m going crazy. My life has slowly turned upside down.

I genuinely thought I was doing what was right for my family.

4 children / unmarried / approaching together 17 years / engaged but have been for around 14 years - life was so busy before. We relocated numerous times for work.

i would love to cut down my work hours to spend more time with my 4 young children. We are spending so much on convience, have poor sleep and diet because there just isn’t enough time. PIL live local and they help with childcare.

Partner got a massive (to us) unexpected inheritance which would’ve harnessed an income of interest (at current rate) more than my salary but instead bought a house for his parents (we still have a mortgage) where they live rent free despite having very good pensions (I used to really get on with them). The whole situation has driven a wedge between me and them. They are really nice people but now I know what my partner prioritises I have given up on our relationship and it is crumbling.

the inheritance is his money, I get it. It just doesn’t sit well with me. I’m beginning to worry about my future if I stay in this situation.

I am not a very successful in terms of my salary. I can just afford to get by if I were to separate.

There is a lot of friction at the moment because I have cut him off the way I can - no effort or time from me. That’s all I have to give and I’m done giving it away.

one of his parents are ill and he thinks I’m unreasonable for not taking days off or switching around my rota to care for them - drive them to appointments as they don’t drive anymore. It is also an issue of childcare - if they are together at appointments and waiting on buses or taxis the other can’t be taking care of the children. I told him to take time off work. He won’t. I already do the majority of childcare And I can’t afford to lose my job or the income.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2026 10:33

So, on the face of it you sounds unreasonable. But I wonder if there's more to the dynamic?

I can understand not wanting to work as a mother of young dc, but it's a reality of life for most parents. I'm not certain that desire comes above your in laws need for secure housing when they are sick, especially as you already have a house you've bought (admittedly with a mortgage, but your in laws are unlikely to be able to get a mortgage).

So, on the one hand, it's unfair to act like your in laws stole something from you - they didn't. And they help with childcare, which they don't have to.

But, the other side is that your dh is making financial decisions without considering your view, and I wouldn't like that. And expecting you to do the care of his dp, which is also crazy. I'm also struck by the fact your unmarried in quite a financially vulnerable position. So, I wonder if the issue is really about the money, or more about your dh not treating you well?

plentyofsunshine · 03/02/2026 10:32

Yes not a chance I'd be looking after his parents after he gave them all that money.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 03/02/2026 10:27

You're not being unreasonable at all. Forget about the buying his parent's house for them, the fact he thinks you should be taking time off to take them to appointments is so unfair.
Is there any chance that he thinks that if he buys their house, it'll be left to you in the event of their deaths at all? That's the only way I can see his logic.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 03/02/2026 10:26

He's pissed at you for not doing for his parents what he's not prepared to do himself? He can sod off with that attitude.

IamSmarticus · 03/02/2026 10:26

Ignoring the house part, I can'r believe that he thinks you should take days off to look after his parents but he won't!

I wouldn't lose your job or income, I would lose him.