Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

I would be reminding him I earn more than him , and ask him why he can’t earn more.
How does he know how much school Dad earns ? Congratulations btw.

So weird that he compares your earnings to someone else’s dad… Who does he compare his earnings to?

Congratulations, Op.

I do wonder if @arethereanyleftatall has unfortunately hit the nail on the head. Is your h prone to trying to make you feel small?

My brain is saying maybe he felt hurt by the fact it was like ‘me and my team did this so finally we’ll have more money because I did this’ so like a we’ll be ok now kids because we achieved this but I still can’t justify his reaction- it was utter assholeness of him to your kids and to you. Congratulations on the huge win

Wow, how unnecessarily rude of him! Is he always like this? That's super nasty and I'd say he's somewhat jealous of your success, that's why he can't be happy for you.

If he cant be pleased for you. Something isnt quite right about the relationship. He may be used to you being his sidekick, cheering him on and supporting him. What he fails to recongnise is he wouldnt have got to his position without you supporting him in various ways. He may treat you as an extension of himself. So he needs to deminish your achievements to feel better about himself. Does he support you in other ways or is this a pattern? Tell him how you feel, if he still doesnt understand or trys to put you down again. I would take sometime to think about the relationship and what you want. You should keep the extra money in a seperate account like a credit union for you and the children. In case you ever need it. With only access to it for yourself. If he doesnt appreciate it. He shouldnt have access to it. It can be your emergency fund and your independance.

Congratulations. Very strange reaction from your dh. He sounds jealous and threatened by your success. It's not even about the money, its about the fact that you have worked hard and got a project over the line and secured funding that should be celebrated. This would be a win even if it was for some voluntary organization you were with such as PTA.
Is he always like this? How is his job security at the moment? If not good, it could be an explanation for his less than supportive behaviour.

Also many congrats. It sounds like it’s huge for you career wise. Be very proud, despite what he said.

I’d be asking him why he isn’t happy for you? Even my ex tells our kids that yes he out earns their mum, but I work much harder and have sacrificed some my career to care for kids (years of part time) whilst he went and lived overseas several times. I think he would be secretly jealous if one day I landed a job paying more than him, but I know he would tell me it was well deserved and say same to the kids. And that’s my ex, not a husband who supposedly loves you.

What a pathetic reply to say not as much as daddy earns. Wow. I’d have had to make a comment about the fact you are raising kids and working as no doubt you’re doing more than 50-50. I’d tell him very calmly that his comment and lack of congratulations hurt. His reaction should have been a big hug, telling you he is proud of you and arranging a family meal.

edited to add see you’re not out earning him, but this a random child’s friends parent. Wow. Even worse, why would be even raise that person, what have they got to do with you and what you earn? Very hurtful comment.

He sounds jealous. You don't need a man to validate your achievements in any case, just be proud for yourself and allow time to reflect.

He wants you to make him feel better for hurting you, please don’t feel you have to. You need to tell him what a horrible thing he did.

I am so, so sad to read this, Op. He has let you down.

My take on it (and I always reply without reading anyone else's input, so I may have a popular view or an anomalous one) is that he feels threatened by you doing better than before, and he's silently resentful that your earnings are creeping up.

That explains the 200k comparison put-down, which was highly irrelevant.

He rather liked the idea of his wife staying exactly where she was, that's my view. He needs to be told that part of being married is emotional support for one another, and he has failed in this.

Congratulations OP on your success!! You're husband was not right in not recognising your hard work and the potential contribution it brings to the family which you absolutely should have been excited about.

However, a "rich" point of reference "for the family" for someone you hardly know and openly discuss with a child ?!

Rich isn't being just cash rich to the £'s. It's just one to watch as the £s don't necessarily mean happy, fulfilled, content etc. and as you say you don't know this guy only apparently his earnings.

Having said that I do think your husband should have been happy for you and celebrating your hard work.

"Yes, not as much as Tom's dad makes but more than daddy makes".

I mean it sounds like he is threatened by you earning more and being more successful. This is a bad sign of narcissist behaviour unfortunately. You could tell him how you feel but I suspect he will become angry defensive and stonewall you right and that's why you haven't?

Congratulations! I shall raise my next glass of bubbly (OK so it's bubbly orange, but it's the thought right?! 😉) to your team and your brilliance as their leader. It's a double success really as not only have you achieved this as a person, but also as a leader, and that's another whole skill to doing the work yourself, so double well done.

Forget his small-mindedness and remind yourself how wonderfully you've done and enjoy feeling good about your success, you deserve to!

I had one of those. I ended up minimising all my achievements as he would then be in a 'mood'. There came a point i stopped telling him at all cause I couldn't stand the silent treatment.

After he left (he met someone else), I realised how crappy his behaviour had always been. Jealousy is a very unattractive trait.

Dont let anyone dim your sparkle. Well done OP!!! Go out and celebrate (on your own if you need to). You deserve it.

Ex-DP and I sat in my silence at the ‘celebratory’ drinks for my bonus one year. At this point we were living together and supposedly on track to build a life together where, presumably, wealth would be shared. But he couldn’t bring himself to be happy for me.

Men like him and your DH are envious, insecure and competitive. They will drag you down instead of lifting you up.

If it’s not easy to walk from this utter bellend, then just hold your head high and continue excelling. It will piss him off no end and will hopefully mean you will soon be in a position to leave him behind. Best of luck.

What a nasty piece of work, I’d never forgive that. Ever.

What is it with the ubiquitous "book a spa break" suggestions lately?

THIS

THIS

Congratulations and well done for working so hard, to get the funding and approval
You should be very proud of yourself and your team.
Im sorry your husband didn't give you the praise you deserved. That was mean and uncalled for in his response. I hope he feels inadequate because he can’t achieve what you have. 🌺

He's jealous you now earn more than him.
Congratulations to you. You should celebrate (without him).

Don’t allow his misery to steal your thunder you and your team worked bloody hard for this big win be proud of yourself and tell him to go fuck himself hard with a cactus.