Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

My ex Hated that I outdated him for a long time. I think it is an issue for a lot of men

Your "D" H is nasty, especially putting you down in front of your kids.

Edit yo say , Bloody well done to you and your team.

It’s a VERY insecure man that would need to do this. If you love someone, you should be proud of their achievements and you should had no problem saying so. Your win obviously made him
feel small, so he cut you down to make himself feel better. It’s a pathetic person that boosts themselves up by diminishing others. It isn’t how you treat someone you love.

I think the thing that struck me was that he’s now giving you the silent treatment. I used to be with someone like this. If I was upset with him, he would give ME the silent treatment. I’d go a bit quiet and wasn’t my usual chatty smiley self so he knew something was up. He couldn’t stand me being upset with him so he’d end up being MORE UPSET with me than I was with him! I’d end up fretting about upsetting him. The focus would move from his poor behaviour (the original issue), to me worrying I’d done something.

They like to make it all about them. You’ve damaged his precious ego and now he’s sulking because you haven’t apologised. I am pleased I got away from my manchild. I don’t need an emotionally undeveloped precious ego man child in my life.

Men - do better!

Sounds like he wanted to rain on your parade. The only thing I would change is mentioning money to the kids, I would think they should all be proud of you for the fact you worked hard on something and were successful (rather than as a I can now buy you more things).

The money thing sounds like a bonus benefit from your pov but as the main point, as a value system, for him.

Was this a one off OP? Not that that excuses it, he sounds like a small jealous man.

Envy and control. He wants to keep you in your box as his cheerleader and support act. He fears you becoming as important as him.

Needs a conversation when you’re ready, as it’s a really toxic position and suggests that he will be unsupportive and undermining in future.

you have done so well, what an awful reaction from him, he sounds so jealous of your success

He more than didn't celebrate it, he deliberately pissed on it. What a small dick fragile ego wanker.

Well done to you and your team. I don't know what it's like in your particular industry but in mine applications for funding are nowhere right now what with the state of the economy - so your proposal must have been dynamite to get not just the offered funding but extra. Don't let him take the shine off for you; celebrate with your kids who are in your corner xxx

Does he have form for being such a cunt?

Is he married to xxs dad?

Don’t let him drag you down. What a horrible man.

Yanbu but I do also think the money comment to your kids was a strange thing to say? So maybe it was a low ball response to that?

Parking his obviously pointless comment, it’s concerning that you both seem to see there is a correlation between value as a person, and the salary someone in an HR office somewhere has decided to pay you.
I see great people who are grossly underpaid, and poor performers who are grossly overpaid.
Congratulations on your work project. But we are worth so much more than the sum of the income we have.

This actually, is perfect.

Congratulations OP, it sounds like you really deserved it.

I hope he apologies and you can sort it out but I’d be really hurt too if I were you

Congratulations. Don’t let this dim your excitement.

For me the most unpleasant part was not the comparison of your potential increase in pay to a higher earner, which was unpleasant enough, but the statement that you would bring home more money that he would spend on the children?!
So not only does he talk down your accomplishment, but sets himself up for the glory in the children’s eyes and to receive the excitement for the achievement.

is he usually like this?

Not congratulating you is awful.

The comment about xxx's dad sounds more like managing kids expectations. Especially if every penny is needed. Of course you will be spending it on your household but kids shouldn't expect massive change in lifestyle. Still a fantastic achievement and the extra money will bring your family more security.

What a cunt.

@Thatpunkjumper

Be prepared for him to say that he only reacted like that because

a)You 'were rubbing it in his face' bragging (be so happy and elated) about your 'win', and THAT'S what 'upset' him.
OR
b) That he was 'only joking', and YOU'RE too 'sensitive'.

Or a combination of them both, because he'll certainly be trying to lay the 'blame' for his actions at YOUR feet.

The truth is simply that he is a jealous, insecure manchild who wanted to 'bring you down a peg or two' by being bloody nasty.

I'm 1000% certain that were the positions reversed, he'd have thrown all his toys out of his pram if you were anything less than super excited/proud/elated for HIM.

Congratulations on your achievement. What i also love is your use of 'we' and I imagine you're a lovely manager to work for who champions her team.

Your husband on the other didn't show you the same courtesy. He was a mean, spiteful, jealous twat.

What message did that send your children eh? Work hard...nah don't bother as you'll still be shit compared to X's dad. A huge misogynistic put down.

I'd be absolutely raging.

I’m so sorry he has taken the joy out of your day. Has he retreated back into a corner full of self-justification, or come to you to apologize for his totally unacceptable nastiness. I truly hope it’s the latter.

He’s caused hurt to his team-mate today, unnecessarily, he needs reminding you are both running in the same race. He needs some introspection fast.

Congratulations, so well done, so pleased to read you have got people around you to celebrate this super day with. He’s rubbished yr day, that is not ok on any level. Jealousy is a mean bed-fellow.

Congratulations on your achievement!

What a prick. He was nasty and to say those things in front of/to your children is so uncalled for.

The "xxx's dad" thing is irrelevant (and inappropriate); you didn't say you were going to be a billionaire, just that you'd be earning significantly more than you had before.

He’s currently silent and I’ve had to sort out the kids uniforms pack lunches etc as he’s retreated and disengaged. THIS would bother me a lot, unless perhaps it's a complete one-off. It sounds like he wants to punish you, either for getting a raise in the first place, for telling the children about it, or perhaps of calling him out on his odd, unsupportive response. He'll waste your time and energy keeping you guessing about why he's being a weirdo, and probably make you second-guess how you communicate about these topics in the future, rather than just having a conversation and solving whatever he thinks is the problem.

He’s jealous of your success- as simple as that

Did you know women who out earn their husbands on average do more housework than women who earn just slightly less? We are also more likely to be abused. I would guess your husband has a general problem with you earning more, and is being a dick because of it. To be clear, you earning more doesn't give him a pass, but stop and reflect on whether this shit is a general pattern, that might affect your future decision making about the relationship

The fact you know what the other parent earns speaks volumes. We have lots of friends who probably earn 200k+ (we live in an area with seemingly a lot of private medical consultants) but I would never want or need to know specifics and it wouldn't come into general conversation in our family. Who cares? He is clearly very bitter about his earning potential and feels inadequate.

If I were you and going to get a raise I wouldnt mention it again, say you didn't get it, so I could cream off the extra bit into a getaway account.