Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

Not even him that's on the 200k?

That makes it even odder-it's of no relevance whatsoever.

So an absolute reach to "diss" you.

Maybe if you have separate finances then this works and I can see that is nice to share who buys the nicer things. Everything in our household is shared so comes out the joint account so is kind of irrelevant who pays what.

When I paid for our holiday, DH kept saying "what a lovely treat Mummy has got for us! Mummy is taking us on holiday!". He realised the importance of demonstrating how we celebrate each other. Especially as he is the higher earner, he realised how significant this was for me!

Oh my who's feeling his poor little male ego threatened by his clever wife?!?

Congratulations on your terrific win, OP.

But this could come very much across as a dig at her husband. Yes she should be proud of her achievement but adding on the mummy can now buy you more things suggests that it isn't down to the household to decide what is bought and that it is mummy who holds the power for what the children want. I can quite see why he potentially responded in that way.
The wording could have been better as mummy works hard so that we can afford nice things.
I expect if this was a reverse and the husband came home saying daddy could buy them more things then people would be outraged at this.

I was married to a shit like that. Didn’t want me to achieve anything anyway but when I did, he couldn’t acknowledge what I had done.

He's feeling threatened. His long standing internal unconscious bias is that men should earn more than women.

That doesn't excuse him but if things are going to change you need to call it out in a non confrontational way. He needs to become aware of his bias in order to change it.

Ooh this one hit home. There's a kind of man who wants you to be clever and funny, but not more clever than them, and never funnier than them. Its a lose lose battle that only ends in the women leaving or becoming a shadow of herself.

First of all, congratulations to you! Hard work pays off!

I agree that this mean spirited jealous man feels threatened by you. He values himself and other people by money. None of which is very attractive is it?

PPs saying why did you tell the kids it means more money - its because she was excited that her achievement means she'll be able to treat her family! The idea that this would have 'diminished his standing as an earner' is BS. Thats fragility. In a healthy dynamic, this is their family money, and he should be just as excited. When I got a bonus in the past I paid for a holiday and DH didnt have to contribute. That was a huge win, a treat for us as a family! If DH then also got sulky because I'd diminished him, I'd feel so despondent and really begin to wonder what even is the point

In the short term, remember to use Bob's dad as the yardstick for all achievements from now on.

He's having trouble parking at the supermarket? "Oh I saw bobs dad park his massive range rover in a tiny space at school yesterday"
Playing footie with the kids? "Bobs dad wouldn't have missed that goal"
Burned the dinner? " did you know bobs dad trained as a chef before he became a barrister?"

In the long term, just leave him. He's not going to get any better.

And massive well done on your achievement!

Awful behaviour from your DH. Congratulations on your success OP, as PPs have said it’s clear jealousy from someone who has assumed the position (based on the fact they are a man I suspect) they are the are most important one.

Your line ‘I have championed him’ really struck home to me. My DD had a partner who was seemingly perfect, and who she supported constantly through academic & sporting struggles and successes - until she started to exceed his achievements then he, just like your DH retreated and withdrew, and that was the beginning of the end.

Men like this want a woman that meets their high requirements, smart, successful, beautiful, kind etc, with no intention of treating them as equals. They don’t consider what their wives do as important or valuable (they are the important one) they just want a wife that is a certain standard as part of their own self image.

You are right to feel this way. This would be the final straw for me as I would never be able to feel the same way about him.

There is zero benefit in talking to him about this. He will just continue laughing at you internally. It won't change his basic personality.

My 'D'H did something to me last year that I can't ever forgive. If you had told me prior, that he would do it, I would have never have believed it of him but he did it, didn't even apologise for three months and then it was because he was trying to pull me out of the change towards him that I can never change.

I see him in a totally different light and have tried for eight months to not feel that way and I just.....can't.

Leave him. If he does not have your back over something good like this, imagine how he will be if you get ill or have something terrible befall you.

...when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you

Yes, more money for mummy because fuck daddy, he's a pathetic arsehole.

ETA: Congratulations on your achievement!

Congratulations. Huge achievement

Both of you sulking will not help to resolve this. I hope you can learn to communicate better

I wouldn't hesitate to tell my DH that I was hurt by his comments

Ugh yes I had a boyfriend like this. We were both creatives, equally talented, but I would be more proactive and go out to find opportunities. Everytime I got an offer of a residency or exhibition his face would imediately fall and instead of celebrating I would feel guilty and start comforting him "your work is great, its only a matter of time, you deserve to be it out there". These fragile men need to be kept away from dynamic women!

Please go out this weekend with your friends/family who supported you. Don’t let him win!

That is so unkind of him. I’m so sorry. Anyway congratulations!

Congratulations on your success. It was obviously hard work and a deserved win. You’ve earned the right to be proud of what you and your team have achieved. Don’t let anyone diminish that.

however, you say that you said to the kids “hopefully this means more money for mummy that I can spend on you”. He might have thought that was spiteful. A dig at him and how he’s the lower earner.

What he said was nasty and unnecessary, but maybe he felt you’d diminished his role in the family’s finances? His silence might be reflection on how he’s reacting to what you said, rather than him.

again, you’ve achieved well. Don’t let one persons reaction spoil it.

^This
Congratulations, @Thatpunkjumper - job so well done, you deserve to be lavished with praise for your achievement. Random Mumsnetters are proud of you, even if your H isn’t.

well firstly, huge congratulations! I’m sorry it was so difficult for your husband to say that. As hard as it might be, try not to let his insecure reaction to your wonderful news dull it’s shine.

His reaction is his opinion and his alone to own - to start with I thought you meant that he was saying you didn’t earn as much as him, and that was bad enough, but when I realised he was actually talking about some random dad, that’s plain weird. The times published a list of highest tax payers at the weekend, and I don’t expect that dad earns as much as anyone on that for example! It’s just a stupid pointless thing to point out, that can only have been intended to wound you, or diminish your success.

Your husband expressed an opinion -not a fact- that made himself look bad in front of your kids (which incidentally they had the maturity to pickup on) don’t think he cut you down to size, because what he actually did is show them how small he felt.

hope you’re met with a heartfelt apology this morning. And again, well done! X

He's a nasty cunt. I bet you already knew that. Don't let him undermine you in front of your children.

This is very true.

I had one of these. Never celebrated me, never told me he was proud of me, HATED it when I started earning more than him.

I left him :)

There’s no way you’ll change this behaviour IME - it’s deep rooted insecurity and misogyny. I wouldn’t want my kids growing up with that.

mediocre men do tend to get jealous when hard working women succeed