Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

Is RTFT just a bit too hard for you?

His go to reference of another man's salary, completely unconnected, makes him sound like a complete moron.

I would be cringing to be married to such low intellect....another thing I wouldn't be able to unsee.

Stupid and insecure.
He's no prize thats for sure.

Yay congratulations OP! Sounds like a fabulous achievement for you and your team.

I agree with PPs. Your DH has had his male ego battered and clearly thinks he is the big breadwinner in your family so can’t bear to think it’s you! Dick move by him. I’d be considering options if this is something he does on a regular basis.

He’s a cunt. Tell him, when you put me down like that and belittle my achievements in front of the children, it hurts me and is very poor role modelling. Why did you feel the need to do that?

Congratulations @Thatpunkjumper! Have you properly celebrated yet? Good news MUST be celebrated, so if you haven’t celebrated yet I think you should make an effort to celebrate this evening with the kids. Buy yourself a mini bottle of Prosecco if you drink, get the kids some appetiser so you can do a toast. Set the table nicely and get a little cake, pop a firework candle on it. Teach your kids that we measure ourselves against our past selves, not other people, and we should be proud of ourselves and each other when we do something very well. Teach your kids that we don’t allow other people to piss on our parade, including the people who should really love you the most. I bet your kids will be so excited to celebrate with you and will love all the pomp. And just ignore your DH tonight - he either goes along with the celebrations or he doesn’t, either way, time for a chat with him when you’re ready.

Congratulations !
Id plan a dinner out tonight or tomorrow (with the kids ) to make up for him ruining your weekend . If you’re out before he gets home have your phone on silent so he can’t ruin it .
Or if he asks why he’s not invited tell
him why, that he ruined it for you and the kids and you won’t have him trying to bring you down again.

He had a way of picking at you to earn more and now what ? He knows if you felt like it you could turn it around on him . He clearly likes to have the upper hand.

Is this his only horrible trait to is there more going on ?

Who is xxx

Congrats on your win! That's awesome.

Speak up to your husband. E.g. "I'm so disappointed at the way you've behaved, especially in front of our kids. Would you like to explain why you're unable to congratulate and celebrate me like the rest of my family have done?"

And then leave a nice big silence for him to talk. Don't say anything in response to his initial protestations/defences. If he can't come up with anything substantial to say (like, I'm so sorry, I was a knob) after a while, then say, "I'll let you think about it. Let me know when you've had a chance to reflect."

Carry on as normal and don't be sad in front of your kids. Celebrate yourself and refer to your win often over the next few days. Buy yourself a cake and throw a little party. Seriously. If your husband can't get over himself, apologise, and join in the fun, then you are going to have to consider whether this is something you're willing to put up with forever.

With nothing to be smug about!

I’m so sorry, OP. Some observations (not read all the comments):

it’s not just that he wants to cut you as an individual down to size (that’s bad enough!), he’s also comparing you to a random guy who earns more than he does. This tells me that he’s also misogynistic. He’s trying to put you in your place, yes, as a human being, because he feels inferior, but also as a woman.

And to say it in front of your children too? Nope. Unforgivable, IMO, especially if there are already other issues. Your partner should be your biggest champion. You should be able to rely on him when you need to celebrate. The fact you can’t? Yeah, I’d be done. What he is modelling for your kids is disgusting.

Massive congratulations on your win. Your hard work has paid off.

Congratulations OP. My ex DP would do this sort of thing. You just expect your friends/ loved ones to have a generosity of spirit and to share your wins. It's a jolt and shock when the one closest to you demonstrates such a meanness. I decided I couldn't live with that incongruity in the end.

He’s jealous and insecure, he’s not your champion. I bet he’s mean in other ways.

I’ve been married to one of these.

You should try speaking your mind more- the question is why you can't.
Letting feelings fester is not the answer.

What a duck, putting you in your place and undermining you. Great role model for his kids

Yes me too:

Men like this want a woman that meets their high requirements, smart, successful, beautiful, kind etc, with no intention of treating them as equals. They don’t consider what their wives do as important or valuable (they are the important one) they just want a wife that is a certain standard as part of their own self image.

I could have written this about my own marriage!

She really shouldn’t have to explain why what he said is beyond the pale. If he’s not pleased and proud of her achievement, then as someone else said upthread, he’s a mean minded jealous twonk. Trouble is, he’s said what he said and there’s no way out of that. Very revealing - and what it reveals is not pretty.

He's a smug prick

This is the point - he needs his champion and a woman who stays in his shadow. You are lucky you make so much less than him because if you made more your marriage wouldn’t survive this. His ego is clearly tied to his career

I don't understand why you've not spoken to your husband on this and said how you feel.

Why?

There are a few things I'm not sure of from your posts.

You say your team were awarded the project but how does that become promotion or more money for you?

You've not really explained. Your H's behaviour is nasty but you're partly at fault here for not talking to him about how you feel.

Communication is the most important thing in a marriage and it works both ways.

Instead of being passive aggressive and not speaking to him directly, you do need to take control of this and express your feelings.

He sounds jealous. Maybe the more money comment made him feel inadequate. Whatever it was there's no excuse for not supporting your partner especially in front of the kids. How is your marriage otherwise?

What a nasty thing to do! My wins at work never made us a penny more (worked in the NHS, set salary) and my late husband always cheered me on.

I don’t know if one is allowed to say this… But, I could have married two other guys before I met DH. Both far better off than him (and me) but I felt inferior to them. Like I would owe them something, if they bought the house, car, holidays… Might be a “me” thing. It’s often the case with SAHM here, too. It would have been nice of your DH not to mention his salary!

I get what you're saying, and day to day that's right, but I earned the bonus through my performance, and I chose to use it on a treat that also benefitted DH, and he wanted to celebrate that. So its a little different than normal earnings which I agree should be considered joint purchases regardless of how much each person puts in the kitty. Once OPs new earning become normalised then I'm sure that would have been true of them too, but it was a special occasion where OP had a massive achievement with a financial pay off and wanted to celebrate and treat her family, and that shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

Peter Andre energy.

I’d have to let rip on him, OP. I think you should remind him of always being his cheerleader. If I were you, I’d want to tell him to make no mistake, I am feeling incredible about my achievements, even in spite of him trying to dim my light… And what he said hasn’t made me feel nearly as bad as he must feel, given that he’s made a pathetic, childish, small-man comment to try to bring me down… Then stuff his whimpers when he tries to turn it around and make you feel sorry for him.

Congratulations OP, you fully deserve to be absolutely elated. Enjoy every moment, in spite of your unfortunate husband.