Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

I think since OP said he’s “always telling her she should earn more” that it is a wider problem of him putting her down and not a momentary passing feeling he didn’t manage to cover up, tbh.

Yes, he’s a jealous little man. So sorry that was his reaction. Congratulations and very well done - all your hard work has paid off more than you ever expected and I hope others at work are all excited and providing the atmosphere you deserved at home!

Because everyone has behaved badly at some point in their lives. Green eyed monster etc. It doesn't mean it's not repairable. It is possible it was a gut reaction in the moment, a shitty one yes, but one he's not proud of and just might apologise for and do better next time.

What's important now is how he behaves if she calls him out on it in a rational and calm way. Points out that he is role modelling this behaviour to his daughter, and his son and making her feel like she's been punched in the gut.

If his response is to dig in, or this is symptomatic of a wider issue [which only the OP will know] then sadly as per the experience of many on this thread the outcome is unlikely to be positive long term.

But she does need to put on the big girl pants and call him out on it.

Many congratulations OP on a fantastic job !

Well done OP. I don't know you but I'm so pleased for you that your hard work was recognised and paid off.

He's an absolute arsehole.

Looks like it.

Well, now YOU need to be telling HIM he needs to step and earn more

and if you were planning anything for Valentine’s Day… shelve it. Take your kids out or something

he’s belittling you in front of them.

This was exactly my first thought

@Thatpunkjumper he goes there… you go all in.

id be looking for an opportunity to remind him he earns less than you tbh.

fuck him.

I didn't say reassure.

I said they ought to both behave like grown ups who are married and have children. Yes, he was wrong but unless he's like this all of the time it's not a divorce issue.

Marriage is hard work at times. You don't give up at the first argument or 'bad behaviour' when you've not even expressed how you feel.

Honestly, the comments here beggar belief at times.

He was in the wrong but she's in the wrong too.

She can't even tell him how he's hurt her.

Congratulations OP.

It is so sad this person has tried to put you down. You are far far better than him. Not only are you a Winner but also a beautiful person inwardly. This would be the finish of the relationship for me with no more discussion. He has shown you who he really is: Believe him, leave and be a really good example to your children who will learn real values in a relationship.

what an arsehole. Imagine saying something like that to the kids, what a prick.

Threatened by your success. I'll never forget getting a huge promotion and pay rise in work, meaning a real benefit not just to me but to the family. It put me in a similar earning bracket to my exH and his response was 'I can never keep up with you, everything you touch turns to gold and everything I touch turns to shit'.

Suddenly my happiness and celebration turned into me reassuring him that he was fantastic. :(

Yeah he’s making sure you don’t get too big for your boots OP. You already out-earn him (I’m betting despite maternity leaves etc.?) and he’s feeling rightfully inadequate. Don’t let him dull your shine.

Why the fuck would op try and reassure this petty jealous asshole who tries to chop her off at the knees in front of their kids?? She should take a deep breath and consider that she’s outgrown him, and deserves to be with someone who doesn’t simultaneously shit on her for not earning more and also shit on her for doing well at work, all in front of the kids.

He's jealous, insecure and thinks you're going to be out of his league, so he told you you didn't earn as much as the richest man he knows, ffs. What a miserable git he is.

He’s jealous - keep working hard get more money and leave him !

well done - treat yourself to something x

Because it's your success not his.

I work in bids and proposals and I know exactly how much work goes into something like this. I also know the rush you feel when you are successful. How dare he take that away from you!

Who the hell knows or cares what their child's friends dad earns?! He sounds horribly money-obsessed and saying that to your children is not only insulting you but also suggesting to your children that you should compete with others to earn more. Yuk.

I feel for you.

It was hard work because there wasn't one full stop in it.

Me too.

He clearly feels he's under performing because OP is the main earner (not by a lot but enough to make him feel less of a man, I guess.)

But the whole situation could be remedied by OP talking about her disappointment with him and also reassuring him that he doesn't need to feel jealous, undermined, etc.

They are both in the wrong.

OP for her passive aggressive, sulky response and him for not acknowledging her 'win' at work and her efforts.

Well, well done from me on MN, that's superb! All that hard work paid off :-)

And now it's hubby's turn for hard work. He needs to learn how to be gracious, considerate and a proper husband and support his wife. All he had to do was give you a huge hug and say congratulations surely? What a twat quite frankly and you should tell him so.

All this silent stuff just leads to misunderstanding and resentment.

A good frank exchange of views would help. Too many people mince about when a good row would help clear the air.

He might be threatened, well, then he's a dick. But give him a chance to repair things. And I do get it, my DH (who is normally lovely) was well weird when I got a First but there was a lot of other stuff going on too.

Rupture and repair...not just rupture and resentment.

@Thatpunkjumper Congratulations!! from a stranger on the internet . I get how you feel - my shitty husband moment wasn't for anything as amazing as your achievement but I'd been coaching a girls sports team and built it up and got an award from the County - total surprise and whilst it wasn't a big award it made me feel (finally) recognised. 'D'H didn't even take a photo of me with said award and disappeared outside to watch a car being pulled from a ditch instead of standing proudly next to me.

Now I know it was because he didn't like me getting recognition for things rather than him whether it was work or volunteering stuff even though he would never admit it - we split up the following year.

Some men are so small and such misogynists that they can only feel better about themselves by diminishing women to “keep them in their place.” They can’t even stand the women they claim to love doing well. Your husband is clearly one of those men when in fact husbands should be our biggest champions, in order to deserve our love and energy. Sorry OP.

But take a huge congratulations from an anonymous stranger on the internet. I hope you are proud of your achievement, which sounds hard won and well deserved.

why is it only you who should earn more money ??