She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

It's not great what she is doing, but she isn't one wrecking marriages, the men are (or women). The person in the committed relationship who is going out to ruin that.

She is not innocent, but the wrecking the marriage blame lies with the party in the marriage.

Typical mumsnet, not her fault, not your business, only the men are to blame. Cheating is a two way street. You know, it is okay to have morals and think her behavior is disgusting and not associate with her anymore. Maybe then people as a whole would stop being selfish cheating jerks because they actually face consequences like losing friends over their gross behavior. Do so many people on here really not have better people to be friends with? Why are you associating with such gross people? If someone was physically harming someone technically it isn't your business either but I bet you would say something. Cheating is abusive and yes her friend is abusing these wives too by participating. OP doesn't have to be friends with the town bicycle. 🙄

She isn’t wrecking marriages. The husbands are. Your friend’s behaviour is also disgusting.

Up to you whether you continue with the friendship.

This 💯 x

No matter how you feel about single people sleeping with married people, they are not to blame for breaking up a relationship. That is solely on the married party.

No one ever calls a man a homewrecker when they sleep with married women.

YABU for “fellow females”.

Yes I agree. It doesn't matter what she does, a good married man wouldn't go there. They are making this decision also and it wouldn't surprise me if it wasn't the first time either.

It always bewilders me when people believe the mistress has no blame.

I went through a very tough divorce and had no desire to shag married men.

I had a friend do similar with a married man and distanced myself.

I had a work mate like this. Her ability to pull men, even supposedly happily married ones, was absolutely legendary. She was engaged to other men, TWICE, while still married herself.

I didn't blame her more or less than the other parties but my god she was a magician.

You are being unreasonable and misogynistic. How is your “friend” “wrecking marriages”? As others have said, she has no part in these marriages. I highly doubt she’s sleeping with several married men at once and even if she is, it is their responsibility to be loyal to their wives, not your friends. It sounds like she may be putting herself in danger though and struggling mentally. These men are perfectly capable of saying no.

@ThatCosyMintWriter
How are you this aware of a distant friend's sex life? Are you watching her abduct and force married men to have sex with her?

Leave the woman alone and stop judging. You have no idea what she went through in her 30years of marriage. She can have as much sex as she wants - and it's not your concern really.

Obviously men are wrecking their own marriages, she did not enter into the marriage so she cannot default on those vows/contracts. If the man will shag her he would shag any woman he can get and probably has.

Also whats with the use of incel language, just very lazily 'rage bait-y'.

This!, But it always seems when men do it they are considered evil bustards when women do it they were misunderstood, hormones, Ddidn't know what they were doing, vulnerable lots of other excuses

It is a choice

@ThatCyanCat You keep asking to whom people are responsible for their choices. People are responsible FOR the choices they make. That's it. They made the choice, they take responsibility for it. If you willingly engage in behaviour knowing it will damage other people, you are responsible for that. There's nothing more to it than that. You make your choice to do something that you know will be damaging for others and you are responsible for that. You own it and you accept that other people will judge you for your lack of care for others and the consequences that might have.

All of this.

Tbh I'd be a bit worried about her. It doesn't sound like she's in a great place and is maybe really struggling with the separation. If you're a friend I'd be trying to understand her behaviour to rule that out first. If she's just doing it for fun and she doesn't care then id end the friendship once I knew she was okay. But she's not exactly dragging men into her bed by their ankles so maybe consider why you're making her sound almost predatory in how you're writing this.

Single people who sleep with married people are responsible for their choice to willingly play a role in something that damages spouses/families.

Responsible to who? They've chosen to take on no responsibilities. That's what being single means in terms of fidelity.

It's not honourable to shag a married person but if getting married and having kids doesn't make you more responsible than someone who hasn't taken on any of that, more responsible than a perfect stranger, then it's all a nothing, isn't it? Pointless. Other people's honour or lack of it isn't relevant. The whole reason one pledges fidelity is because we all know other potential partners exist, so we make a commitment to eschew them.

It's nuts to make a promise and then start lecturing other people about it.

If she were my friend, I'd be concerned about her emotional state.

There is nothing that you can do to improve her behaviour. I would distance myself as much as possible from her.

Agreed!

I think if somebody who described themselves as 'a very distant friend' turned out to have strong enough opinions about what she may have heard about my recent behaviour to be asking Mumsnet (how? Very distant friend...), I'd not thank them for suggesting that I needed therapy! Is there more to this OP? Did your husband divulge this about her and you're worried that she's after him?

Married people who cheat on their spouses are responsible for their choice to damage their spouse/family. Single people who sleep with married people are responsible for their choice to willingly play a role in something that damages spouses/families. The OP doesn't know the cheaters, she only knows the "friend" who is sleeping with cheaters. The OP is wrong to think she should be doing anything other than dropping this "friend" because she is disgusted by her choices.

So the sexually incontinent, who also find women disposable. Have sex and dump them, then go back to playing at being a decent married man. Yuck!

Oh, it's not a debate. They're the ones wrecking their own marriages.

The reason it's being mentioned is because the OP incorrectly stated otherwise.

If that's what you want to do, go do it. That's your choice, your responsibility

Hey, stop holding me responsible for my own promises and commitments. Those sexy men just shouldn't be available or exist at all, the slags. Although if temptation didn't exist, why did I need to pledge monogamy....

And if the people you sleep with know that you are married, that's their choice, their responsibility.

Their responsibility for what? I'm married to him, who are they answerable to?

If that's what you want to do, go do it. That's your choice, your responsibility. And if the people you sleep with know that you are married, that's their choice, their responsibility.