She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

The men in question are responsible for their own actions. Stop blaming this woman.

She is also responsible for her own actions, unless you want to offer support to her as she’s obviously going through a tough time, don’t say anything.

Tale as old as time, and quite a sad story of a woman with very low self esteem wanting validation.

Your "friend" needs support not threads being started about her online.

I judge you more than I judge her OP!

There is nothing you can do. Just cut this friend out. Not worthy.

“What would you do?”

Nothing.

You aren't close enough to reason with this person, and you don't know any of the men involved. Your friend may be offering, but these men are taking up her offer, so therefore are half responsible for destroying their own relationships.

You can't do anything, other than step back from the friendship. If you are questioned, all you can say is that you don't agree with her decision to have sex with men she knows are married or in relationships.

I think this could be my friend!

Recently split up from 30-year marriage and sleeping with anyone and everyone. She has met with men in pubs, online and gone back and shagged them on the first night and had a few weeks relationship. Every single one of them has told her that she is lovely, they really like her but........they are not in the right place at the moment, too busy with work, too busy travelling blah blah.

The only issue I have with the above is that I am telling her that these men are married, and she won't believe me. None have ever taken her back to his, or let her know anything about themselves and then ended it when she wanted a bit more.

Them being married is not my concern. It's the way they are using my friend and her naivety that worries me.

Not your business. Just stay out of it.

Wrong post

What can you do?

You can be in control of you and recognise this has nothing to do with you.

Carry on being very distant.

The only people wrecking marriages are the men that stray to be with her.

Support her to find her self worth again if you want but don’t blame her for men not putting appropriate boundaries in place.

I find the responses to this post laughable.

But then this is MN where women are never responsible for their behaviour.

So married man has an affair and quite obviously he’s an arsehole. But the woman was clearly vulnerable, clearly struggling, clearly it’s “mental health” a term I no longer take seriously for the most part, it’s become a phrase to excuse all manner of behaviours, but generally only by women.

Why can’t there be middle ground?

We all know that there are married men who cheat. There are just as many married women who do as well but this isn’t what this thread is about.

But let’s not pretend that there aren’t women out there who see a married man as a trophy.

Yes the married man made the decision to cheat on his wife, but the woman he cheats with makes the decision to help him do so.

No woman who knowingly sleeps with a married man is an innocent victim here. They are both responsible.

As for the OP’s friend, I would just not engage with her any more. No more needs to be said on that score.

When I left my long term relationship a lot of married/partnered men who I knew well and hadn’t previously thought of as cheats, came on to me.

If I had said yes to every offer, without doing any sort of persuasion or instigation, I would have looked exactly like you’re describing your friend.

Food for thought perhaps….

She’s wrecking marriages and not sure what I can do

???? Maybe assume the men she is doing this with have agency and are making the decision to wreck their marriages themselves. Or, is a gun involved to force these men, in which case I’d think it’s a matter for police, not for you.

Tale as old as time, blame the woman for the man’s behaviour.

He is the one who took marriage vows. He entered that contract. She did not. Just as she is not responsible for him upholding any other contract he entered into, she is not responsible for upholding his marriage contract.

And, to those saying she shouldn’t be ‘tempting’ him, if a man is only faithful because of lack of temptation or opportunity, and if his ongoing fidelity requires half the population to behave a certain way rather than him being responsible for his behaviour, then his fidelity is worth sweet fuck all and your marriage is a farce.

Nothing, as you say she is not a close friend, and you have no clue who she is sleeping with. In the nicest way, just mind your own business and let her get on with it.

It’s funny how many married men just can’t seem to remember they are bloody married isn’t it, did she scramble their brains with her feminine wiles? If my husband slept with someone else 100% of my ire would be at him.

I wouldn’t particularly like it but she’s not forcing any of these men is she. You don’t have to be her friend.

Yes. If she was the one who was dumped in the marriage it is probably a reaction to that. Some sort of ego boost to prove to herself she is still desirable. It wont make her feel good in the long run and hopefully she will see it soon. Have seen this before. Just hope she stops before she has trouble with an angry wife.

You don't have to put up with it at all.

Don't socialise with the woman.
Never invite her to anything again.

I would feel sorry for her. She’ll only end up hurting herself. The men however, they are the ones betraying their wives, not her. I would distance myself from her and get on with my life.

It's someone you hardly bother with. Mind your own business.

Mind your own business perhaps?

@PeoplecoveredinfishCompletely agree with the first part. I find it bonkers that women on MN still subscribe to this 16th century witch burning logic that a woman is somehow to blame when a man decides to cheat on HIS wife. Women have been blamed for tempting men ever since Eve tempted Adam to take the apple.

However, I disagree with the second part. Research has shown that when a woman suddenly becomes promiscuous, it’s often a coping mechanism, and linked to mental health issues. The dopamine hit becomes addictive but it doesn’t solve the underlying issues. It’s unlikely to end well for them.

But it most definitely is being used as a tool of the patriarchy to equate blame for the married man and the single woman. And the blame is not equal. It’s not the responsibility of the sisterhood or the girl code. That’s just making women responsible for men’s shitty behaviour. The men signed a marriage thingy and they make you repeat the words. They are hardly unwittingly duped.

I don’t know why women do this. Blame. The. Men. Wholly. Unequivocally. Completely. They are bloody adults. In a patriarchy. They hold all the cards. And divide and conquer is the oldest trick in the book.

Also, why all this ‘she’s vulnerable and putting herself at risk’ talk? Perhaps she’s having a bloody good time thinking of herself for once? No one would dream about suggesting therapy to a man being mildly promiscuous. (Even though he’s far more likely to be using sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism, because men are generally poor copers). If she asks for help, be supportive. Otherwise let her live her life. Poor woman.

I do wonder how you know all this, if she's not a close friend. Someone else told you?

If you're certain it's true, stop associating with her and focus on your own life. If you're close to people (particularly women) who wouldn't already know and might benefit from a warning, I'd tell them what I knew, but leave it at that.

Sorry to 'the Sisterhood', but yes, I'd absolutely judge her and want nothing to do with a woman actively seeking married men. The cheating men are horrible, but so is she!

It sounds like a mental health crisis and she probably needs a therapist, but since she’s not a close friend, I would stay out if it.

As for the men and their wives, that really none of your business. You don’t even know these people!