To not want to marry because of all the stress of a wedding?

This isn’t a real problem. Given what’s at stake here for you both and your child, this is mental.

You're sensible!! BTDT and it was very expensive and stressful, I believe it affected our marriage (rifts between in laws). I hope the guests enjoyed it as I was so glad when it was over. Just do the legal but and spend the money on yourselves!!

I with you. Regardless of income, I can think of better ways to spend grands and grands.

That said, now I'm older and DCs involved it feels like the right thing to do. Plus I used to think being the wife sounded boring. I'd quite like to be a Mrs in my later years.

If we ever do get around to it, it will be just us, no messing about. Might not even bother telling anyone after the event either! 😆

It’s not just about being the highest earner. There is also inheritance tax and other legal ramifications

Just pick the most stressfree option. Elope and go abroad or something!

Don’t bother getting hitched.
You really don’t sound into it.
Apart from the wedding hoopla.
Not being married is just fine!

I totally get you.

I hate organising events, and sadly unlike you I have no visual aesthetic sense at all. The idea of having to come up with opinions about invitation designs and flowers makes me feel absolutely desperate with misery.

If getting married doesn’t benefit you financially, don’t bother.

DH and I semi-eloped and never heard the end of it from my whiny dad and stepmum. If we hadn’t had to do it for visa reasons we wouldn’t have got married.

Go to the registry office, do the legal bit and go out somewhere with your DH and DC (or without DC if it’s doable)
I think the key is to treat everyone equally. If you tell his parents and your parents they will say oh what about auntie Susan/ your siblings etc etc and the point is lost.
so just tell no one.

Honestly, I do wonder if this is more in your head than theirs? I have occasionally wondered if couples I know are ever going to marry, I hope I’ve never said it. If I did them ‘not for us’ would have been fine. Tbh quite a few of them I don’t remember if they ever did it or not. I’m looking forward to marrying dp but it’s my third wedding and frankly a bit embarrassing. And I’m planning a wedding at the same time as my mother’s funeral, and yes it’s stressful. Why do any of that really? The single remaining benefit is probably inheritance tax. You could still do it one day as an elopement- maybe after the parents aren’t around any more to give grief - but you really, really don’t have to. I know someone who married just the two of them after 3 decades together and she says she wishes she’d never bothered!

You know yourself and you don’t want ‘The Wedding’ and that’s fine.

Do you want to be in a state of marriage with your partner/ co-parent though? Eg, if he is desperately ill in hospital, will you want to be his next of kin etc.

If you’re not bothered then stay as you are.

But if you would like to ‘be married’ then organise the most low-key thing ever. Registry office with two witnesses and a nice lunch somewhere, just you two and your little daughter.

Wish you happiness, whatever you decide to do.

Just have the wedding and not the party. If asked, say that you know some would not be able to come and it would be unfair for some to miss out. Or ask for donations to a charity that is dear to your heart instead.

It's not necessary to have a wedding or get married. It feels like you'd just be doing it to keep up with your friends. Buck the trend and don't bother. I am married and if I had my time again it would be registry office and fancy dinner with a few friends. Did the white wedding thing and didn't enjoy it.

Options:

1. If you have enough money, pay for someone else deal with the boring bits.
2. ignore everyone else and only organise the bits you're interested in. (Who cares if great auntie Gladys is offended that you're not having yellow roses like she did)
3. Elope
4. Go to the registry office on a Tuesday and just do the legal bit.

If you don’t want to get married and don’t need to for security, then just don’t - it’s not for everyone hence why you’ve seen some marriages and divorces in the time you’ve been with your partner

Some friends of ours had a surprise wedding - we all thought we were at the grooms surprise 40th until they turned up in wedding gear. Have either of you got a big birthday coming up?

It's not necessary to have a wedding. I didn't.
Booked the register office and a holiday departing two hours later. Told my parents and his parents a week before, I gave a week's notice so enough if they wanted to buy an outfit but not enough time to change my plans. They were disappointed not to have a big wedding but we had been together 17 years by then and were immune to hints about marriage and weddings.

You could elope. Do the Gretna Green thing as a couple of days away, then throw a party when you get back and announce it then.

You can always go to the register, in your normal clothes, with two witnesses, problem solved.

Now, you don’t seem that interested in actually marrying, so just don’t, it’s fine.