Still let dd bring friend on holiday

I think you have to take the friend that your other daughter has asked for the simple reason how do you “uninvite” her.

I know it’s not the question, no hate, it’s just a genuine question I felt when reading the initial post, why have you asked extra children. In my experience that’s only for people who have one child…or a much much older disinterested sibling who doesn’t or won’t holiday with the family.

I have 2 sons (now adults). They always had each other on holiday, they were building their relationship and their memories together. In fact my eldest son starting having terrible trouble with friendships around the year 6/7 mark and to be with the family or on holiday was a way of escaping everything he felt about school and friendships. I can see why you’re elder one is a little sad (albeit it’s coming out in a cross way) … it’s just a reminder to her that she doesn’t have those friendships and relationships at the moment. But to the here and now, it’s done, it is sad for your elder one but I’m not sure you can do anything about it

utterly mad of you to be bringing all these extra children when there’s so many already!
also why is this even a question? Are you really asking whether an 11yo controls the family holiday?

I don’t think you should be questioning this

How unfair would it be to DD and her friend to just invite her cause her sister and friend fell out.

You know you can’t do that!!

OP has not said anywhere that her kids couldn’t get along. If they can’t get along I doubt there would have been a plan to share a room.

More likely that she invited the friends on a “more the merrier” basis rather than because her kids couldn’t cope without friends there. Unfortunately it has backfired.

I would consider it a huge parenting fail that two of my children, close in age, couldn't spend a family holiday together, a short holiday at that.

I really think you need to seriously reflect on that and actively work on increasing your childrens bond.

The teen years will be brutal if you don't.

Definitely don't uninvite her siblings friend.
One child's friendship issues should not impact the other.
We have had this for years. Not holidays as such but days out and play dates. One sibling falls out with everyone and has periods of being friendless, the other had friends round and is laughing and playing, and yes it causes jealousy. But it still isn't fair to stop the one with friends from enjoying life. The other child just has to deal with it. That's life.

I don’t understand why you would allow both girls at that age to invite a friend each. Surely one of the benefits of having siblings close in age is that they have play mates? Friendships can be transient at that age.
but no you can’t uninvite the other child at such short notice.

I also wouldn’t uninvite, no least because of the childcare issues you might well be causing the other girl’s parents!

You’re doing the right thing. I’d ask her why she thinks it would be fair to punish her sister and her sister’s friends by uninviting her friend because of her own behaviour. I would put her in with an older sibling and deal with it promptly if she starts to cause trouble on holiday. I probably would avoid inviting friends on holiday in future though, to avoid a repeat of this kind of thing.

Tough luck.
Your DD will live through it.

Does DD have a cousin close in age, or a friend not from school, she could invite?

She will spend time with DSD, you and other family by default and will be fine.

If my child was uninvited on a holiday for the sole reason of a sibling having dramas there is no way my child would be going anywhere near your child again, I have no issues with kids learning dissapointment in life but this crosses the line I think

but why on earth a parent would a holiday with allowing friends at this age be a good idea in the first place I have no idea, if they are not mature enough to remain friends they are not mature enough for me to allow my child to go on a holiday in the first place with another family

Did DD11 friend bail? Or was she uninvited?

For me that would impact how I would respond.

If you punish DD2's friend by uninviting HER on the trip, then you'll be causing massive friendship issues for DD2.

If I was the parent of DD2's friend and she was uninvited, ie punished for something that has nothing to do with her, then I'd be strongly steering my DD towards cutting all ties with your DD.

I can't understand why you would need to bring extra children on a 4 day break.
Far better your two daughters spend time together.
I don't think you can cancel the other child but this stress could have been avoided.

It's tough navigating emotions at her age, agree with pps DD2 should bring her friend as planned.

And how’s the relationship between DD11 and DSD? Would they be able to spend time together while DD9 and her friend are doing stuff?

I know this is not helpful but why did you let them invite a friend? They are close in age and clearly get on well enough (usually) to share a room, it’s not like an only child or massive age gap situation. Just seems surprising - very kind of you but a bit of a risk.

What’s the relationship between the girls like generally?
how old are the other DC?
If DSD is an adult and the other two DC are toddlers for example I can understand why your DD11 is distressed at feeling left out for the holiday.
(Im not saying you should uninvite Dd9s friend)

"She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s." You punish her whenever she does this. There is no reason that you would hurt you other daughter and her friend by stopping the friend coming, and there is no reason that your daughter should be taking this out on her sister.

You can’t cancel on the friend and punish DD2 because DD1 has fallen out with a friend. She doesn’t rule the roost here - tell her to stop being a brat!

You can’t uninvite the other girl at such short notice, no.

Although I do think you should let the parents know that it will just be her coming along. I think at that age I might’ve felt awkward being the only non family member coming (different from being one of two friends coming). So she should have the full picture.

She thinks it’s not fair other dd still brings a friend and is loudly voicing this causing issues between dd’s.

Tell her to stop this! Why are you allowing her to harass her sister like this?

Does your Dd1 rule the roost? Be sympathetic and supportive over her friends issues but put a firm stop to this! How will she ever learn to behave with people?

LOL, how would forcing Dd2 to uninvited her friend set a great friendship and socialising example to your Dd?

Not to mention potentially massively inconveniencing the parents.

It’s very hard for your Dd1, I would support her and let her know that these things happen and talk her through anything that would be useful to reflect on.

But say she still has a fun holiday to
look forward to with a family who love her.

But she has no right to interfere with her sisters arrangements, and I am not sure why you would think about that at all.

God no. Don’t uninvited the friend. That would be awful for DD2 and HER friendship!