To think parents en masse should have tried to hold the line and not give under-16s social media?

Are we banning social media’s for under 16s then ? Because I am all for it ! It’s so damaging and they’re exposed to so much.

This

WiFi is everywhere?

I have taken the view that the most important thing is to keep things open with your teen so they are happy to show and share with you what they are doing.

Forbidding and banning things makes them more attractive.

Parents are addicted to their kids having phones, believing it makes them "safer". Tracking, messaging etc. Things like bus pass apps, payment apps etc don't help either.

DDs school is no phones during the day. Then they come out... face glued to the screen... nearly walking under cars. I have actually had one walk into my (stationary) car (because I had stopped realising the teen walking down the middle of the road hadn't seen the big red car, despite other teens shouting!)

But enough parents insist they are essential.

With all of those piling on with the judgement, please remember the pandemic in all of this. My kids were year 6 and 7 when this hit (so age 11 and 12). The were barely allowed to socialise with their peers for 2 years. Social media was even more of a lifeline at this point. Both my kids have grown up to be resilient, intelligent, sociable beings! I admit they don’t read books much but that wasn’t for lack of trying - I read to or with them every night for years and we have a huge book collection. But like everything, I don’t think access to smartphones is bad for all children. I think parents just need to supervise/police it .

Well I think YABU. My DC needs their phones to interact with the world as much as I do. My child's school updates for kids and their weekly changing timetable is on an app. Without their phone how do they check it last minute? It often has clubs cancelled that day on it. Their homework is set on a different update. The school only posts photos of school events on Twitter, not even on their website. All social interaction outside of school is arranged by the kids via apps. Even all the arrangements for brownies and guides is via a WhatsApp group. Their train and bus tickets need to be bought on an app, and if there's a problem customer service is on WhatsApp. One generation of parents hasn't failed, the world has changed due to technology in a generation and we are frantically trying to keep up. I'm the last person to adopt new tech but without a smart phone I'd be totally lost and so would my DC. It's necessary now. It's the internet that needs making safer, the companies need to make their apps safer, not stopping kids interacting with the world.

We're in Australia- the ban is a red herring i think - DS 15 (not particularly techy) found a way round it immediately (tbh i don't know how!) - they'd tried banning phones in schools before- it wasn't enforced- locking them in pouches- took seconds for the kids to work out how to break in to them- minutes for everyone in the school to know how. Parents won't stop their kids taking phones to school as the children may need them to get home etc...

I think the biggest hindrance is the role models-how to tell a child to get off a phone when the parents are on it constantly

I think all you can do is monitor usage/limit time when possible and educate

It’s nuanced. We got my son a phone at 11, his Dad’s old phone, but he didn’t have any social media on it. In fact we didn’t load WhatsApp and Instagram until he was 16. It helped that his school had a strict policy about this and would regularly remind parents about it; they also required phones to be in bags/ lockers all day so they acted like a “no phones” school. He also never had his phone in his bedroom overnight until he was doing A levels and even then he used to largely ignore it - he likes his sleep and couldn’t fathom others being up messaging until the early hours.

However. DS was home during COVID and he had a decent PC for gaming. The school did a fab job of lessons during the day but he also used Discord a lot to video chat to his mates, whom he couldn’t see any other way. We had a lot of talks about chat rooms and strangers and he assured us they all knew the dangers (probably better than us).

Now he’s an adult with an iPhone he uses it like we do, largely - looks at Insta as brain candy floss when he’s tired and has a WhatsApp with his various mates and groups. It seems pretty healthy. (Maybe there’s porn use in there, how do I know, I don’t want to think about it but he is a young man so 😬).

I think a lot of it comes down to talking about it and explaining why you want to restrict it. We also talked a lot about sleep and how important it is, which I think is a huge factor. We can’t put the genie back in the bottle but we can manage it. It’s the same as not letting them watch 18 rated films when they’re 12 etc.

I left teaching three years ago,

my school had just introduced compulsory laptops for everyone and was moving to timetables and homework on apps on their phones.

so

a) it’s not just parents
b) a lot of wider society bought into it as well. Eg you need a smartphone for your bus pass to get you to secondary school these days
c) nobody really knew.

How was she paying for it? Data / sim I mean? You don't just get a handset and there you go.

I read an article interviewing some Australian kids and they said they had found a way around the ban. Which just makes it even harder for parents to monitor their child’s phone use, when its driven underground. So I don’t think an outright ban is the answer.

Agree. Ours had a phone at 11 which was bad enough. But we restricted screentime heavily til 16 and the battles over it ruined our relationship.

And then they just use the Internet enabled laptop - which they need to complete homework to go on these Web sites.
I work and am not home to police my secondary age children unfortunately. I can put restrictions on devices but they are far more savvy than me and can get around them without me knowing.....all you have to do is Google how!!!

I wish our kids didn't have them. I wish they weren't there but they are.

I agree the massive mental health crisis has been fuelled by this. I also think the explosion of behaviour issues are linked to screens. I feel they should be banned for young children full stop. -- but then lock down has a ton to answer for because all of a sudden we were shoving our young children in front of screens to learn and being told that was a good thing. They learnt that. It's hard to argue against it once it has happened.

This tech is very, very new in the grand scheme of things. I might have done things differently when DD2 in particular was 11 or 12, with a good deal of hindsight, but I was brought up to learn about and embrace tech in the 1980s and that's how I decided to be with my kids and DH felt the same.

Gaming and phones were also a lifeline for DDs in 2020/21 when they couldn't see their friends in real life. And parents had to keep working in difficult circumstances. And it's not just all about parents, tech companies have had to be kicked and kicked to take any responsibility.

And schools have actually made it so that young people need their own device and to use the very thing that distracts them to do homework and school work.

All their crying about banning phones now seems like bullshit to me after having several years of requiring multiple apps to do the most basic things and entrenching inequality by requiring parents to buy all this stuff and rely on them being tech savvy.

Its both. It’s partly the content obviously and the more damaging content should be regulated. For me though the worst aspect is the addictive nature of the way we interact with smartphones and digital devices. The way we default to them at the first sign of boredom or anxiety. Thats the part that in my view does the most lasting harm.

Is it the smartphone or the content?
I believe there needs to be tighter controls on content; misinformation, and sexually explicit material for example.
because it’s not cooking videos or Lego building that’s problematic.

I think banning it is a daft idea

and them hand it over at age 16 during their gcse year when hormones are high

it would be much harder parenting a 16 year old through the pitfalls of social media than a 13 yr old that’s for sure

and if they are determined they will find a way

plus you can block anything you like on their phone, set time limits, deactivate it for bedtime hours - the tools are all there for parents to effectively ban this already

teenagers need guiding through the sludge that is online not waiting for the government to do it for them

our teens can spit an AI video better than me!

and it’s so hypocritical how many adults are addicted to their phones and influenced by what they see online without giving it any deep thought, posting pictures of their kids whilst then telling the kids they can’t post pictures of themselves?

it feels like a get out of jail free card for the platforms who host this nonsense

our teens have great fun with WhatsApp and YouTube they also know not to expect anal sex and choking when they get to that stage - those were fun conversations!

they need guidance through this not for it to be swept under the carpet

if your child is being affected by their smart phone use then do something about it

I think in a way the controversy and (rightful) anxiety about this has had a positive effect because it is making children and young people more aware of the risks of social media.

My DD is 15: she and her friends are pretty apprehensive about social media and very aware of its risks and dangers for their generation. She doesn’t have any yet other than YouTube and WhatsApp and doesn’t want anything else when she turns 16.

Social media in the particularly toxic form we know it now has peaked. Smart teenagers will increasingly start to see it as a brainless addiction machine and will move away from it.

Mine dont have social media but do have phones. They get the odd comment from peers about why cant they have Snapchat or whatever . But thankfully understand the reasons.
I am often told by them about which friend is talking to random people they have never met but plan to meet up with . Or arguments that happen out of school over social media/bullying. And just backs up why they shouldnt have it .

Yes I agree, the whole generation born in the early noughts are a list generation. I was massively surprised to discover that phones weren't even banned in schools. Surely they could have figured out that was bad. Hopefully this will get sorted by the time my kids are older.

As a generation of parents, I feel we sleep walked into this situation. To be fair, I don’t think many of us had foreseen exactly what would be out there - call me naive. We didn’t intend harm, but the impact now is frightening and my biggest parenting regret is having given my teens smartphones. I’ve told them that and apologised, and they thought I was a bit daft but I think it’s been incredibly damaging and their young lives would have been better without them. We’re past the point of redressing the balance in our house now as they are older, but if I had my time again, the phone would be a definitive no. I don’t think I’ll ever fully forgive myself.

I think the problem with any age based restriction is that you don’t suddenly become equipped to deal with it at 16. I have a 16 and a 13 year old and the younger one is just as if not more able sometimes to cope with it that the elder one

we can’t simply have a pandora box moment of going yes you are capable now you can use it

as with everything a gradual sensible approach monitoring it and easing it in gently but a school ban for definite works

No. It doesn't work like that.