To think parents en masse should have tried to hold the line and not give under-16s social media?

My children are 19,17 and 14 and B,B,G and we've never had an issue. Phones were given as presents at the end of Year 6. They were never allowed in rooms and I always checked them. Zero issues.

My big gripe on today’s parenting is they’d allowing children to scream…and scream…and scream. Is it now just not the done thing to teach sprogs how to behave in public?

My under 16s don’t have social media. It hasn’t been hard at all. I said it’s an absolute no go and never going to happen and it’s not up for discussion. There was a bit of grumbling the first year and then nothing more after that. They can have TikTok and Snapchat at 16 if they can be bothered, but it’s been no issue so far really.

They know the sort of parents we are and I think they can see how shit some of their friends’ parents are, and there is definitely a gulf forming between the good kids who are doing sensible things and not posting ‘sexy photos’ on TikTok from 11 and the ones who are always stuck on their phones unless they’re in the park drinking and vaping. My eldest definitely thinks those kids are a bit pathetic, so I’m happy that my parenting is paying off.

I agree but the idea that other generations didn't have mental health struggles is simply not true, in the past it was just repressed or people drank or took drugs more!

Yes I wish so. I’m a millenial and had social media from around age 14 before parents knew the dangers and saw some horrible things. I hope as we, and Gen Z, have our kids we will all be more mindful and keep kids off phones.

Goodness 18?! How are old are your kids? You can’t possibly just suddenly allow something at 18 that they’ve had no preparation for or education or experience. Plus, how are you going to stop a 17 yr old? Mine is 18 just, he drives and he has a job, he has been paying for his own phone for a year. You have to let them go slowly not just get to 18 and suddenly allow everything. Lessen the control over time.

It is the same as alcohol for me, you ban it, they sneak and they go nuts when they get it. One of my ds friends was banned so she just used her friends phones.
You educate. You communicate. You monitor.
My dc had phones at 12 and social media from 14. One is 18 now. He is a sports ambassador for his school and doing well in all classes. He’s also a rugby player. He learned balance. He didn’t and doesn’t spend all his time on his phone.
Protect your children by educating them. And boundaries which will differ for each child.

Might want to suggest it to our local bus company. Only way to get her travel pass to get to and from school is via their app, only available on a smartphone. (OK could pay extra and pay daily in cash)

This.
Said ship has sailed years ago.

We need to have tiered social media instead of launching straight into full blown into the platforms, make parents have to share the profiles until say 15, then have to give permission for added friends until 16. You can't put the genie back in the bottle.

Not for me. Social media is not crack cocaine and it’s perfectly possible for mature 15 year olds to use it sensibly. And also as part of a healthy and balanced life.

Can you tell me how you do this? My son doesn’t have a phone yet but want to prepare for when he does!

My dc10 walks to school so has a phone. It has a timer on it so it's locked down during school hours and from 5pm until 8am. apps can only be approved by us, we check all history. They have WhatsApp but all chats are checked regularly and not allowed to add anyone without our permission.

The best rule is no devices upstairs.

It’s perfectly possible to have a smartphone and not be on “social media” none of my children did, we just said we didn’t think it was a good idea. All of them used it in the last few terms of 6th form or on joining university.

Phones have never been allowed at my children’s school, I’m surprised to hear they are allowed at any! My boys have iPhones but they are locked down - no access to browsers, YouTube, or social media and they have to request permission to download apps. They have a 1 hour time limit on their phones (apart from messaging me and DH). When they got phones at the start of secondary school, we agreed no social media until they are 16 or possibly 18, and they are happy with that. I’d be very happy if all parents did the same, but we will carry on with our way regardless of what others allow their kids to do.

My 11 year old does not have a smart phone (pocket computer with full www access) and will not be having one until he's much older.

He started secondary school this year and has had a difficult transition, likely because of his autism. In the first term there has already been a serious enough incident with a class WhatsApp group to merit a full scale internal investigation. (They're not allowed phones in school until they've left the site for the day). IT experts were called in and the whole class read the riot act.

DC did say he'd overheard some of the kids who have been giving him a hard time since day 1 'whispering' loudly in his hearing about leaving him off the group chat. A couple of them later had mocking things to say about his brick phone. But if he'd been in the group chat he could also have been bullied from that angle; likely worse.

As DC wasn't involved in the WhatsApp incident I'm not privy to exactly what happened and neither is he. Suits us both. DC doesn't care: says as far as he's concerned he's not interested in joining any group chat which has those kids as members. It's a win-win for him - and because of that he's also not implicated in any trouble at the school.

Both we and DC are happy with our decision. We have no plans to change it any time soon.

Covid was a big issue here
Parents that never would have gave it early because of lack of contact with peers otherwise.

Then once restrictions passed it was too far gone to pull it back

It’s definitely not normal where I am for children to have smartphones. It’s far more normal for a dumb phone around 11 (Year 6 birthday or post SATS) and then a fairly locked down smartphone around 13 (Year 8) with a decrease in what can be accessed as they get to the end of secondary.

However, secondary schools all insist on iPads and these or other computers are also frequently used at home.

So true.

I work in a school that has smart phones banned. Not even in bags. They can have a dumb phone switched off in their bag.

Anyone caught with a smart phone has it confiscated for 3 days (first offence) then 2 weeks for a second offence.

The rules are VERY clear.

Bullying in school time has dropped massively.

What irritates me the most is parents moaning when their child's phone is confiscated and demanding to come and pick it up early. Why? Because their child is a pain in the bum in the evenings without it. E.g. the phone entertains the child in lieu of parenting.

My DC in Y5 will not be getting a smart phone. Nor will lots of their friends.

Social media has gradually grown- think how new Instagram is, for example, it began only in 2010 and was small for a couple of years, Snapchat of similar vintage.

Even before you consider pester power.

If you are to ban social media for under 16s, aside from details as to which sites are in scope, it should not be a measure in isolation as some kind of silver bullet. Smartphones bans in schools and social media companies having to take defined actions or else be liable for content, for starters.

The ban isn’t working either as children in those countries have already found a work around.

We had locked down the phones as much as we feel we need to. But you’re never going to stop a rouge phone or a rouge teen or adult sharing the stuff.

Also a lot of parents don’t monitor the home pc or laptop and then feel all safe and smug when there child’s on god knows what but that’s ok because it’s not a smart phone.

What we need is the nasty stuff to be locked down to only those proven to be adults. Want to watch porn prove it with your credit card and I’d.

www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/jun/03/much-easier-to-say-no-irish-town-unites-in-smartphone-ban-for-young-children

Same with secondaries here. Smart watches are also banned.