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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed / upset about this?

79 replies

Honeysucklelane · 02/02/2026 15:18

My mum and sister went out for lunch today to try a restraurant about 20 minutes away from where I live. I don’t work Mondays so I’m free all day. Just before lunch I got told they were going out for lunch and a walk, and invited to meet them for a coffee ‘later on.’

I decided not to meet them for coffee, rather than drive a 40 minute round trip just for a coffee with them when they would have already been out for a big lunch.

After lunch I got messaged saying how amazing it was, so I said I would have loved to try it. I feel a bit childish and irrational to be feeling hurt that I wasn’t invited and I was only ‘good enough’ to come along for coffee as an afterthought.

My mum doesn’t treat us (or our other sister) equally and there’s a history of her frequently staying at my sisters and not even seeing me even though it’s not far - and yes I can go over there, but she’s usually so busy doing housework / gardening for my sister it’s pointless me being there.

OP posts:
Honeysucklelane · 02/02/2026 15:30

Duvetdayneeded · 02/02/2026 15:25

I think I’d ask what the occasion was and why couldn’t I have gone. I know you know the answer but why not spell it out for them as they are hurtful.

No special occasion, just my mum is staying at my sisters and they’re going away tomorrow together for a couple of nights. Sounds silly but if they’d just gone for lunch without telling me and without inviting me for coffee I wouldn’t be bothered.

OP posts:
youalright · 02/02/2026 15:29

Does your sister need more help then you? Disability, single mum, money issues, general struggles with life. Id actually take it as a compliment that you're a capable adult. Its not normal that your mum has to do your sisters housework and gardening.

shoofly · 02/02/2026 15:27

I'd honestly just invite myself, " sure I'll just join you for lunch? What time? Lovely, will see you there..."

Duvetdayneeded · 02/02/2026 15:25

I think I’d ask what the occasion was and why couldn’t I have gone. I know you know the answer but why not spell it out for them as they are hurtful.

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