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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pay for a private menopause clinic as GP so useless?

93 replies

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 14:54

Hello, first time poster here. I’ve been struggling with my hormones for as long as I can remember. I had HG with every pregnancy and was hospitalised a few times with the vomiting, but when breastfeeding I was totally fine. My mum had a hysterectomy when she was about my age (39) and so I think there’s a strong hereditary aspect to this. Fast forward four children (youngest 4 now) and I think perimenopause has begun: shorter cycles, really horrible symptoms (mainly psychological and mental rather than physical) Seen GP several times but useless. I can’t tolerate hormone birth control as seem v sensitive to progesterone and nothing they suggest helps. I’ve tried all the mindful stuff etc etc but doesn’t seem to make much difference. I’m healthy weight and have a good diet and active lifestyle and have popped every supplement known to man. The symptoms come and go like clockwork, half the time I’m fine, the other half, I feel like a different person.

Even though we’re not well off, should I try a private menopause clinic? Do you think it’s worth it? A local clinic in York said £250 for an initial consultation.

OP posts:
AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 18:42

Try a well woman clinic or if you habe health insurance or any benefits at work check that out too.

You shouldn't have to do deal with this crap because your GP isn't supportive.

I'll never forget the lady at the well woman clinic telling my gynalogist was one of the best for surgery but no good on understanding the emotional impact. It was the combination of both that got my hormones more settled.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:42

@Hankunamatata glad it worked for you. I tried it but due to the horrid side effects, I stopped as i couldn't function. It might have settled down but I didn't have the opportunity to see if it worked as it was so severe.

OP posts:
LamonicBibber1 · 02/02/2026 18:37

Just wanted to add, OP- I couldn't tolerate any contraceptive pill, and the mirena made me awful with rage and manic feelings.

However, I'm in early peri and have actually been fine on the cyclical progesterone/oestrogel. It has really shocked me. But I was so desperate to try and solve my many awful and worsening (physical and mental) symptoms, that I risked trying it. It's a bio-identical one. I'm very glad I did. I'm not back to "normal" but I'm vastly improved.

I would go private for an opinion on whether some form of something might help, just in case something can be pinned down that may help ❤️

metalbottle · 02/02/2026 18:36

Ask reception who the GP is in the practice who has an interest in women's health - there's usually one, even if it's an informal thing - and go to see them.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:35

@Sidge thank you. I've only ever had synthetic forms via birth control and the implant. I think there must be something about my blasted body that can't tolerate anything above the minimal levels of progesterone - as soon as it increases after ovulation, I get worsening symptoms. The sickness during early pregnancy when levels rise sharply nearly polished me off as reaction was so severe. By contrast, when bf exclusively and not ovulating, no probs at all.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/02/2026 18:32

Yeah like other posters it screams pmdd. Sertraline worked well for me

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:30

@crackadawn yes I think that must be it. But does pmdd plus peri have to = living hell?! I'm desperate to find a solution.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:29

@Mum2Fergus thank you, that's good to hear. Glad it worked for you.

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 02/02/2026 18:28

Just to flag for those suggesting PMS, yes possibly for OP, as with me perhaps but Im 10 years older than OP and still having periods and the ups and downs are disabling.

So Im of the opinion that we know when its getting a lot worse, its different, difficult to explain why

I also didnt know there was a menopause referral/consultant system, but as someone says the wait wont be worth it, I hope to be out the other side by then.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:28

@UnaOfStormhold thank you for the tip. It's definitely progesterone I can't cope with. I think that's why my vomiting was so bad when pregnant as I have a severe reaction to it. During luteal phase i get skin reactions like an allergy too, like hives, swollen joints, skin rashes. They disappear when progesterone levels fall.

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 02/02/2026 18:27

I paid same with BUPA Menopause Support Plan…best money I’ve spent in a very long time. If you can afford it, do it.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:25

@soupyspoon thanks for sharing that. We don't really have spare money as such, but it kind of feels like I can't afford not to do it, as I am getting close to some kind of breaking point I think. Sometimes the feelings are so extreme. And even tho I know they'll pass, it can be all consuming. I had hoped that hormone specialist might be able to prescribe something to stop me ovulating all together, or some form of hrt which might take me back to where I was a few years ago which was still pmdd, but manageable. Since stopping bf my daughter 3 years ago, it's just got worse and worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:22

@Willowkins this sounds like a great resolution. Being heard and valued is really important. Glad you have a positive experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:20

@MargoLivebetter this is what also appeals to me. I'm not sure how much info a gp, even a great one, can ever glean in a ten min consultation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:18

@Sidge and anyone else who mentioned pmdd, yes I'm almost certain I have had pmdd since my periods started, but I could always manage the symptoms quite well. I've tried various contraceptive pills and the implant which all caused terrible symptoms, I assume as a rection to the progesterone. I was most recently given estelle(?) I think and sertraline as a pmdd treatment but I couldn't tolerate the side effects (too severe for me to continue working) (also self employed so couldn't take time off). The trouble now is that my symptoms seem to be worsening and I just assumed peri as my cycle has shortened from 28 days to 26 and worsening symptoms. I am also looking at my mum and how things went for her and seeing a pattern.

Thank you for all the replies by the way. I am grateful for them all. It makes me feel less alone at least. My dh is a nice guy but a farming type who comes from a stiff upper lip family who thinks anything like this is nonsense and that I need to get a grip. I wish he was more supportive but I think he just gets cross with me, even tho I do an insane amount of work for our family and business and couldn't try any harder.

OP posts:
Notellinganyone · 02/02/2026 17:53

My GP will prescribe what you ask for but was very passive.i paid £150 for a consultation with a specialist menopause nurse and it was well worth it. She was local so I could have an in person appointment.

WonderingWanda · 02/02/2026 17:47

My gp has been useless too. Has dismissed me telling me I am a bit young for that at 47. Offered antidepressants for the disturbed sleep, gave me tranexamic acid for the brutal periods and told me that many women sail through menopause with no medication.

CloakedInGucci · 02/02/2026 17:44

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 15:46

@crackadawn I know exactly what you mean, though my symptoms start as soon as I’ve ovulated and disappear when my period starts. It’s hard to explain to other people why/how you can be so different. I have the same kind of mind things too, also very vivid dreams/nightmares and a real sense of things seeming terrible and as if the world is ending. I get the driving thing too. Sometimes I have very dark thoughts and also feel incredibly rageful when I am normally gentle and patient. It is very lonely trying to hide it and pretend you’re okay. My gp seems to think I’m too young too I think, that’s why I thought about going private.

Have you considered PMDD?

Struggling with tolerating progesterone in hormonal contraception is common with PMDD.

Sidge · 02/02/2026 17:26

She doesn’t need to demand an appointment to discuss menopause symptoms, as these aren’t necessarily menopause symptoms! She needs to have a discussion with the GP (probably a different one) regarding her cyclically related mood swings and symptoms, and asking about possible treatment for that.

Certainly in my area she wouldn’t meet the criteria for referral to the menopause clinic at the hospital, and even if she did she’d be waiting about 12-18 months which is rubbish I know.

Willowkins · 02/02/2026 17:26

I finally went to a private gynaecologist in desperation expecting to pay thousands but it was actually a lot less than that. She Listened. I got her full attention for 30 minutes and it was calm. She's an expert. She gave me options.
I go every year now. She writes to my GP to get testing done and do prescriptions. A couple of years ago she discovered something troubling and referred me for further investigation.
I feel heard. Valued. Welcome. It's just so much better.

helpmum2003 · 02/02/2026 17:17

I agree your symptoms sound more like PMDD/PMS. A combined pill would be a starting point, if you can take them.

Abd80 · 02/02/2026 17:10

Ask to see a different NHS GP at your GP practice. Specifically say you want to consider perimenopause /menopause treatments.
if they cannot suggest anything then specifically say you want to be referred to the NHS specialist Menopause clinic (usually part local of NHS gynaecology or NHS sexual health clinic )
it may not be perimenopause-could it be PMDD ?

DuchessofStaffordshire · 02/02/2026 17:05

I'm 43 and would advise anyone to go private following the dreadful year long experience I went through dealing with GPs. I'm now on the right combination of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone and feeling great, but it took several face to face and telephone consultations before any of them took it seriously. I was also told I was too young, and one GP told me perimenopause couldn't be affecting my mental health so badly and lead to suicidal thoughts. It certainly did. You may be lucky enough to get an appointment with a GP who has an interest in, and has received additional training, in women's health and in particular the menopause and I would advise you to maybe secure another appointment asking specifically for one who is, but if this leads you nowhere then absolutely seek an appointment at a private clinic.

AwfullyGood · 02/02/2026 16:50

My GP was utterly useless abour gynalocogical issues (despite being female herself). I only got a referral to a gyn when I sat and cried, refusing to leave her office & switched to private then to get operation quicker.

All of the following were better than GP.

  1. Private gynacologist
  2. Well Woman Clinic
  3. Female Fertility Clinic
AutumnAllTheWay · 02/02/2026 16:50

Sidge · 02/02/2026 16:33

Depends what progesterone is used. Progesterone is a natural hormone, it’s not a progesterone “intolerance” but rather a reaction to the fluctuations that drives PMS/PMDD symptoms. Drospirenone can be really beneficial for PMDD and inhibiting ovulation with a combined pill can stabilise those fluctuations too.

Saying “the pill is a bad idea” isn’t helpful as all pills are not equal.

Show quote history

In fact, I may ask for this now Im older (life long PMDD sufferer)

Thankyou