Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay for a private menopause clinic as GP so useless?

93 replies

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 14:54

Hello, first time poster here. I’ve been struggling with my hormones for as long as I can remember. I had HG with every pregnancy and was hospitalised a few times with the vomiting, but when breastfeeding I was totally fine. My mum had a hysterectomy when she was about my age (39) and so I think there’s a strong hereditary aspect to this. Fast forward four children (youngest 4 now) and I think perimenopause has begun: shorter cycles, really horrible symptoms (mainly psychological and mental rather than physical) Seen GP several times but useless. I can’t tolerate hormone birth control as seem v sensitive to progesterone and nothing they suggest helps. I’ve tried all the mindful stuff etc etc but doesn’t seem to make much difference. I’m healthy weight and have a good diet and active lifestyle and have popped every supplement known to man. The symptoms come and go like clockwork, half the time I’m fine, the other half, I feel like a different person.

Even though we’re not well off, should I try a private menopause clinic? Do you think it’s worth it? A local clinic in York said £250 for an initial consultation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 22:06

@TheGoddessAthena sorry you had to go through so much. I know from my mum that a hysterectomy isn't an easy option to take, but hopefully it worked for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:58

@Astra53 thank you, good advice in there. I think number one for me would be ditching my husband who makes things harder, not easier!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:56

DD0 · 02/02/2026 21:38

One thing I forgot to add - my consultant said that although he does blood tests, he doesn’t rely on them. Your levels may well be within tolerance, but they may be out for you. A history of PMS/PMDD immediately means that your body is more sensitive to hormones than someone that isn’t affected by the above conditions. He treats the symptoms, not what the paperwork says. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

@DD0 thank you, that's kind. I had no idea i could get so much comfort from people on mumsnet. It's amazing. I will do a new thread on Friday to report back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:53

@Bimblebombles that all resonates with me so strongly. We must be experiencing the same thing. The thoughts/ songs going round is also a thing for me. I can't exactly recommend the gp as it's been rubbish for me, but I will report back after Friday and let you know if the £275 has been worth it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:51

@ZaraBlue I believe that hg is linked to the high levels of progesterone in early pregnancy. Consultants told me this when i was hospitalised. If you look at the levels in early pregnancy compared to normal cycles, it's insanely high. When my prog' levels are highest eg on day 21 (of day 26) my symptoms are much much worse and when I had prog' only contraceptives, I was suicidal within a day - like a different person and when i stopped taking it, I was back to normal again. By the sounds of other comments, bio identical prog' is not like the synthetic forms and is better tolerated. I hope to find out!

OP posts:
ZaraBlue · 02/02/2026 21:44

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:20

Thanks to everyone who replied. I've bitten the bullet and paid for a private consultation with a menopause / hormone specialist at a clinic in york. Wouldn't have done it without the encouragement of people here, so thank you x

Good luck with your appointment. Every private appointment I've done has been SO worthwhile and a thousands times more productive and helpful than any GP appointment. Sad but the truth for me.

Can I ask why you mentioned HG? I had HG x2 and curious, do you think it's related to hormonal imbalance? Would explain a lot for me too. Thanks

TheGoddessAthena · 02/02/2026 21:44

YANBU and your story is so familiar to me. My GP practice were utterly useless. It took 4 visits and 4 different GPs to get them to agree to prescribe HRT, when I was 49, and had had a hysterectomy.

I asked the receptionist whether they had a menopause clinic and she looked at me as if I had two heads.

Astra53 · 02/02/2026 21:43

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 15:46

@crackadawn I know exactly what you mean, though my symptoms start as soon as I’ve ovulated and disappear when my period starts. It’s hard to explain to other people why/how you can be so different. I have the same kind of mind things too, also very vivid dreams/nightmares and a real sense of things seeming terrible and as if the world is ending. I get the driving thing too. Sometimes I have very dark thoughts and also feel incredibly rageful when I am normally gentle and patient. It is very lonely trying to hide it and pretend you’re okay. My gp seems to think I’m too young too I think, that’s why I thought about going private.

I saw what you wrote and it reminded me of this from The Guardian. Not sure if it is of any help:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/01/pmdd-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-symptoms-treatment?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Doggymummar · 02/02/2026 21:40

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 14:54

Hello, first time poster here. I’ve been struggling with my hormones for as long as I can remember. I had HG with every pregnancy and was hospitalised a few times with the vomiting, but when breastfeeding I was totally fine. My mum had a hysterectomy when she was about my age (39) and so I think there’s a strong hereditary aspect to this. Fast forward four children (youngest 4 now) and I think perimenopause has begun: shorter cycles, really horrible symptoms (mainly psychological and mental rather than physical) Seen GP several times but useless. I can’t tolerate hormone birth control as seem v sensitive to progesterone and nothing they suggest helps. I’ve tried all the mindful stuff etc etc but doesn’t seem to make much difference. I’m healthy weight and have a good diet and active lifestyle and have popped every supplement known to man. The symptoms come and go like clockwork, half the time I’m fine, the other half, I feel like a different person.

Even though we’re not well off, should I try a private menopause clinic? Do you think it’s worth it? A local clinic in York said £250 for an initial consultation.

I did during COVID, worth every penny. 90 minute appointment went thru everything

DD0 · 02/02/2026 21:38

One thing I forgot to add - my consultant said that although he does blood tests, he doesn’t rely on them. Your levels may well be within tolerance, but they may be out for you. A history of PMS/PMDD immediately means that your body is more sensitive to hormones than someone that isn’t affected by the above conditions. He treats the symptoms, not what the paperwork says. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Bimblebombles · 02/02/2026 21:35

I hear you. You know your own body.
I have similar very clear cyclical ups and downs - right now I feel good, energetic, cheerful, mild mannered and clear thoughts. But about two weeks each cycle I get so hugely irritable and very snappy with everyone at home, I get exhausted and find just doing the school run really draining and awful, and I get what I call mental noise - songs stuck in my head on a loop really loudly that I can’t get get out. Thoughts going a million miles an hour. Then period starts and I feel it all wash away and I feel like myself again. I feel like I should go to the gp but because I’m not “ill” per se I feel like I’m wasting an appt and I don’t quite know how I’d explain the above without feeling stupid. But I know that my months are ruled by my hormones and I dread, for example if we have a family holiday booked in one of the rage weeks because I know I’ll just end up starting and argument.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 21:20

Thanks to everyone who replied. I've bitten the bullet and paid for a private consultation with a menopause / hormone specialist at a clinic in york. Wouldn't have done it without the encouragement of people here, so thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 19:58

@DuchessofStaffordshire that is literally the same story for me. I am capable of so much and look & feel great, and then the awful crash afterwards. I think the trouble sometimes is, if you're a capable , strong woman who is used to "getting things done", it's just so weird/alarming to try to figure out what has happened to you and why the change can be so sudden. My dh doesn't cut me any slack and can't see why I can't just "get over it". The thing is that I do always keep going and hide it as best as I can, but to quash the dark thoughts or terrible feelings, I end up doing horrible things like binging/purging for some kind of release. It sounds crazy and the words of a mentally ill person, but it's all linked to hormones and the rest of the time, I can cope with anything and respond rationally. If I didn't suffer, I might not even believe it myself- it's a real screw to the head.

OP posts:
DuchessofStaffordshire · 02/02/2026 19:48

Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:45

@DuchessofStaffordshire it's exhausting isn't it. Glad you have had a better experience since changing tack. It feels like utter pot luck whether you see someone useful or not. It makes me so upset having to regurgitate everything again without sounding like I've lost the plot (which I nearly have).

The thing is, we know our own bodies. I felt like I was losing the plot having to explain the same thing over and over again and being treated like I was just being neurotic. I went from being full of energy, productive, exercising every day to a shell of myself within months. My marriage very nearly ended and I couldn't even parent my own kids properly.I thought about ending my own life on several occasions because I just couldn't see an end to it.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 19:45

@DuchessofStaffordshire maybe the secret is the bio identical nature of the hormones. Makes sense. I hope I can try something like this too. Never had probs sleeping until the last year and would love to go back to waking up rested, not terrified and exhausted half the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 19:43

@cloudtreecarpet exactly! With all the news and media coverage about menopause you'd think things would be better. Perhaps they are in some areas eg big cities?? Around here, i got told by one male gp, "what do you expect? Hormones affect all parts of your body, its natural."

OP posts:
DuchessofStaffordshire · 02/02/2026 19:38

LamonicBibber1 · 02/02/2026 18:37

Just wanted to add, OP- I couldn't tolerate any contraceptive pill, and the mirena made me awful with rage and manic feelings.

However, I'm in early peri and have actually been fine on the cyclical progesterone/oestrogel. It has really shocked me. But I was so desperate to try and solve my many awful and worsening (physical and mental) symptoms, that I risked trying it. It's a bio-identical one. I'm very glad I did. I'm not back to "normal" but I'm vastly improved.

I would go private for an opinion on whether some form of something might help, just in case something can be pinned down that may help ❤️

I'm exactly the same on synthetic progestogen!
I was a bit concerned before I started bio identical progesterone but it's been great. I can't wait for the beginning of the month because I know I'll have two really calm weeks with great sleep. I'm on estrogel too, two pumps, and testosterone which has really helped.

cloudtreecarpet · 02/02/2026 19:37

WonderingWanda · 02/02/2026 17:47

My gp has been useless too. Has dismissed me telling me I am a bit young for that at 47. Offered antidepressants for the disturbed sleep, gave me tranexamic acid for the brutal periods and told me that many women sail through menopause with no medication.

Bloody hell, that's shocking!
Even after all the input into Menopause support in the media etc etc there are still so many badly informed GPs around.
It's depressing.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 19:26

@DD0 @Molokono thank you for the encouragement. It is so hard but i am heartened by your replies and the glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. I feel so sad to think of the time I've lost over the years to feeling this way and feel like its a miracle Ive survived this long. With the increasing severity and also things like migraines (coming like clockwork) as i assume peri has started, i have even hurt myself when I felt like my head would explode with the pain of it. It just cant go on any longer. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/02/2026 19:09

It wouldn’t be money wasted paying for a private gynaecologist.
Sometimes a professional ear helps even if you don’t need hrt.

Molokono · 02/02/2026 19:07

Hi OP, I'd definitely recommend a private specialist if you're not having any luck with your GP - I'm thinking of doing it too after being prescribed HRT 18 months ago and having such a hard time when I had to take the progesterone. It hadn't occurred to me that I could be sensitive to just that - I assumed it was the whole of HRT that was the issue and I wouldn't be able to take it at all - so thank you for bringing it my attention!

My friend went private and said she felt so listened to, and they started very low dose and tweaked it to her. Which sounds much better! You're right that being a prisoner to your hormones shouldn't just be the burden you have to put up with. Not in this day and age! Best of luck to you

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:53

@LamonicBibber1 thank you, yes that is how it made me feel too- totally crazy. Good to hear about your treatment and that it is better - gives me hope!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:50

@soupyspoon thanks, yes I'm the same, definitely pmdd, but also something changed recently and I'm sure it's peri coming in to play. It's hard to express clearly how it's different, but I just know what it is and that it's worse and that my overall hormone level must be changing. I used to cope but now I'm struggling. I have high thresholds for pain and stress but I find now that I am often just so sad that I cry on secret and feel like a shadow of myself. My mum understands what it's like, she told me she nearly died before her hysterectomy (and then hrt for 20+years) and it feels like there is that much at stake. She had to go private for it too. I just wish there was a solution. I'm so sorry you suffer too, it is miserable.

OP posts:
DD0 · 02/02/2026 18:50

Please push for a referral - I’ve had a few years of hell, been on every anti-depressant known to man and like you was told it was a mental health issue. I got referred to Gynae due to a ‘lump’ down there, but mentioned in a check up following my surgery how I was struggling with symptoms similar to yours. He referred me onto a menopause specialist, who just got it. He understood and he took me seriously. At age 30, he started me on HRT. It’s changed my life. Worth also nothing that PMS and peri menopause can often overlap, and even if it is ‘just’ PMS you still deserve treatment. Please make sure you advocate for yourself here as although the majority of GP’s are great, they can’t know everything. You do need to see someone that specialises in this area to get results from my experience.

Original poster
Nearly40mumof4 · 02/02/2026 18:45

@DuchessofStaffordshire it's exhausting isn't it. Glad you have had a better experience since changing tack. It feels like utter pot luck whether you see someone useful or not. It makes me so upset having to regurgitate everything again without sounding like I've lost the plot (which I nearly have).

OP posts: