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Original poster

AIBU to be worried about husband's internet use. (What is Telegram)

135 replies

Kiki92 · 02/02/2026 11:23

Hi all,

I’m looking for some perspective... please no nasty comments. I’m genuinely seeking advice, not judgment.

My husband has always been quite private with his phone. He often turns his body away when using it. It’s something I’ve noticed over the years and, while it makes me a little uncomfortable, I’ve generally brushed it off. He works hard, treats me well, and supports our family (me and our three children), so I’ve never had any real concerns. I just find the behaviour a bit secretive. When I’ve mentioned it before, he’s always dismissed it as nothing.

Recently, though, I briefly noticed he has the app Telegram on his phone. From what I understand, it’s a private messaging app, but it’s not something he’s ever mentioned to me, which caught my attention. I didn’t say anything to him about seeing it. It seems odd that he has it....

Then this morning, while using our family iPad, I realised his Gmail account had been linked overnight when he used it. When I went to use the search function, I could see some of his recent Google searches from his phone. One of them was: “Why can I only message contacts on Telegram.”

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but taken together, it’s left me feeling uneasy. I’m not very tech-savvy and don’t really understand what Telegram is used for. I’d really appreciate any insight into the app, or thoughts on whether I might be overthinking this.

Anyone? Am I overreacting to be worried about this?

OP posts:
Claudiasboots · 02/02/2026 11:52

I am a criminal defence lawyer specialising in ultra high net worth individuals. They all use telegram as they feel it is the most secure way to communicate so I have also had to download it for work. Extremely popular with Indian and Russian clients. Fingers crossed he is a master criminal and not using it for a covert relationship.

livingthenotebook · 02/02/2026 11:50

Its a messaging app like whatsapp, the question he asked is normally because he has messaged numbers outside his contacts so his account has been restricted

Personally, I would put the Telegram app on my phone and message him 'hi🖐' and see what he comes back with

boxofbuttons · 02/02/2026 11:49

I have friends who use it because they work in some kind of cybersecurity and they want something more secure (?). I have friends who use it to get links to sports streams rather than paying for Sky, and friends who use it to buy their hooky streaming boxes and get them set up. I have friends who use it because they're buying drugs.

A whole range of things from 'not suspicious at all' to 'very'.

BigDeepBreaths · 02/02/2026 11:49

I had to join telegram in my last role as work colleagues used it (popular in my industry to communicate with third parties). Loads of my social contacts were on it so i assume lots of people use it for work or social messaging.

Larrythemonkey · 02/02/2026 11:42

Kiki92 · 02/02/2026 11:39

Hiya

Yeah, I've asked him why he's so secretive a couple of times. It's met with flat out denial, and makes me feel ridiculous. I wouldn't dream of asking to see his phone - it would NOT be well received.

What are the legitimate uses of Telegram?

Show quote history

Why wouldn’t it be well received? How ridiculous. I’d happily let me husband look at my phone if I wanted to it’s just full of messages about mundane stuff!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 02/02/2026 11:40

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 02/02/2026 11:37

Telegram is just like WhatsApp. Join it and he will get a notification. See what his reaction is.

Agreed but honestly i dont think this looks good and rightly or wrongly i'd be having a bit of a snoop

Original poster
Kiki92 · 02/02/2026 11:39

Daytimenighttime · 02/02/2026 11:35

Have you talked to him about why he is so secretive about his phone use?

Have you ever asked him to let you to lookat his phone? If he is doing nothing underhand he should be happy to let you look to reassure you.

I don't personally have experience of Telegram but from what I read on MN and other places it is often used by cheaters, although I understand it does have legitimate uses.

Hiya

Yeah, I've asked him why he's so secretive a couple of times. It's met with flat out denial, and makes me feel ridiculous. I wouldn't dream of asking to see his phone - it would NOT be well received.

What are the legitimate uses of Telegram?

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 02/02/2026 11:37

Telegram is just like WhatsApp. Join it and he will get a notification. See what his reaction is.

ExtraOnions · 02/02/2026 11:37

I have a secondary messaging app Signal, I got it when WhatsApp fell over. Not secretive with it, it’s just a back up.

Daytimenighttime · 02/02/2026 11:35

Have you talked to him about why he is so secretive about his phone use?

Have you ever asked him to let you to lookat his phone? If he is doing nothing underhand he should be happy to let you look to reassure you.

I don't personally have experience of Telegram but from what I read on MN and other places it is often used by cheaters, although I understand it does have legitimate uses.