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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want no contact with in laws?

38 replies

OneRoseLion · 01/02/2026 23:52

After a haemorrhage and 2nd-degree tear I said no visitors. My MIL/FIL ignored this, invited people over when my baby was 1 day old, and FIL kissed my newborn despite being told not to.

MIL/SIL repeatedly barged into my bedroom while I was breastfeeding/recovering, showed relatives my baby without consent, shared my pregnancy early, spread lies about my labour, and SIL told people I had PPD (I didn’t).

I was forced to stand up with stitches so BIL could see the baby, pressured into visitors I’d refused, and constantly undermined (told my 75th percentile baby was “too skinny”, I had “no milk”, and that it was “good” my newborn got sick).

They allowed lots of visitors and children around my newborn. My baby was later hospitalised with rhinovirus. FIL said it “wasn’t fair” people didn’t get to meet the baby despite my haemorrhage. SIL also made inappropriate comments about my sex life.

I now have nothing to do with my in-laws. My son only sees them briefly when with his father — I’m not present.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 02/02/2026 08:09

i would try learning the word “No” first, and buying some decent locks .. and possibly a Ring Doorbell.

Your DP was useless

TheSandgroper · 02/02/2026 08:04

Well, you could do worse than learn from MIL and copy her. She said “I want what I want when I want it” and she got it. She is coarse, abrasive and forceful.

You could do the same with no shame. You can say to your DP “this is the way it’s going to go.” And make it stick. If you make him more uncomfortable than his mother does, you might get somewhere. So many men won’t put themselves out until they have been put out.

Hufflemuff · 02/02/2026 07:50

Your DH is a pussy. His job is to protect you and the baby - not appease his parents. He needs a serious kick up the arse OP.

Is he back at work soon? Im assuming hes on paternity leave? When hes back just lock the doors - dead bolt if they have a key. Then ignore them knocking on the door.

Going no contact doesnt sound like a viable option as DH is so up their arses - so going no contact will only create a massive divide when you should focus your energy on parenting a newborn. No contact only works if you're united in that decision IMO. You can reduce your personal contact with them, by just letting DH deal with them and not personally contacting them.

Endofyear · 02/02/2026 07:32

Your partner should have stopped them and you also should have been more assertive and told them to get out of your bedroom! Were you living in their house or did they come to your house?

Millytante · 02/02/2026 01:37

OneRoseLion · 02/02/2026 00:13

Was pressurised by my MIL who begged and pleaded for me to stand up and hold my baby and take him to see her son.

My partner and MIL used the excuse that my BIL was severely depressed and that this would make him feel better.

Me being postpartum, poorly and obviously trying to keep others happy, stupidly gave in even though I had said no repeatedly.

Why did you have to be the one to bring the infant to see the BIL (presumably elsewhere in the house)?
Mind you, depressed or not, the BIL could have joined you in the living room, vacated by all the others, and you shouldn't have been required to disturb yourself for this by MIL.
Failing this, his brother surely could have brought the baby to see him.

Don’t let MIL get the idea you or the child are hers to command!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/02/2026 00:46

Did you live with the parents in law at the time? If mot
then
its your partners fault for allowing them into your home to behave like this and it’s him
id be angry at

Original poster
OneRoseLion · 02/02/2026 00:29

MuddyPawsIndoors · 02/02/2026 00:20

I notice you say 'partner'.

Do you intend on marrying into this family?

I do hope not and I also hope you haven't given up your career for this man.

You deserve more than this.

Families are supposed to come together and be supportive when a baby is born, especially the baby's father.

I do not intend on doing so. I’m still trying to evaluate whether I want to actually stay with him. He’s apologetic but the scars are still there from it.

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 02/02/2026 00:20

I notice you say 'partner'.

Do you intend on marrying into this family?

I do hope not and I also hope you haven't given up your career for this man.

You deserve more than this.

Families are supposed to come together and be supportive when a baby is born, especially the baby's father.

Original poster
OneRoseLion · 02/02/2026 00:13

Was pressurised by my MIL who begged and pleaded for me to stand up and hold my baby and take him to see her son.

My partner and MIL used the excuse that my BIL was severely depressed and that this would make him feel better.

Me being postpartum, poorly and obviously trying to keep others happy, stupidly gave in even though I had said no repeatedly.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 02/02/2026 00:11

I was forced to stand up with stitches so BIL could see the baby

What, like at gunpoint?

There’s lots of stages between here and non-contact.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 02/02/2026 00:05

OneRoseLion · 01/02/2026 23:59

This is the common denominator in all of this. He doesn’t seem to see the many things that have gone on. He almost sees it as his family offering support and to a certain degree it’s almost as if he turns a blind eye to it all. He thinks it ‘dampens’ everything. No blood good reason at all.

Show quote history

Then I'm not sure my in-laws would be the only people/person I'd want nothing to do with.

YANBU to have nothing to do with them.

YABU to stay with a man who thinks so little of you and your wants and needs.

Original poster
OneRoseLion · 01/02/2026 23:59

MuddyPawsIndoors · 01/02/2026 23:56

I mean you've certainly written it in a way that it's 100% obvious you're not being unreasonable.

BUT not once have you mentioned your husband and why he wasn't protecting you from all this?

There better be a bloody good reason.

Edited

This is the common denominator in all of this. He doesn’t seem to see the many things that have gone on. He almost sees it as his family offering support and to a certain degree it’s almost as if he turns a blind eye to it all. He thinks it ‘dampens’ everything. No blood good reason at all.

OP posts:
MuddyPawsIndoors · 01/02/2026 23:56

I mean you've certainly written it in a way that it's 100% obvious you're not being unreasonable.

BUT not once have you mentioned your husband and why he wasn't protecting you from all this?

There better be a bloody good reason.