AIBU to want no contact with in laws?

Op, can you take LO, and go to your mums on a visit. Then call your dh and make it absolutely clear that you will not return home until the ILs have left.

Tell him you expect him to grow a spine and back you up, by the time you get home.

Otherwise your life is going to be never ending hell.

I've read all your posts.

Cultural factors are strongly at play. He isnt willing to stand up for you so there is zero hope.

Do NOT marry this guy.

This family wont improve.
He wont improve.

Your choices are basically: accept this is it or leave him.

YABU by posting a list of reasons people should support your decision and then using the vote function and expecting it to be a realistic outcome. Why don't you try telling the story from their perspective as well? People will always get the answers they want on these polls if they're only showing one side of things.

You maybe need to chanel some of my thinking towards your in-laws

Cultural factors 100%. I know from experience. If your DP doesn't have what it takes to stand up to his family, and insulate you from this, you are in for a rough ride. I'm sorry!

YANBU.
Don't be scared and tell them to fuck themselves.
If they don't listen, raise your voice.
If they still don't listen, (use your fist) go no contact.
Don't worry.

Sorry this happened to you. I am South Asian and I think you were treated very badly by your partner and his family. In South Asian culture, a post-partum mother is usually cossetted in bed for days, and waited on hand and foot. It seems your partner's family conveniently forgot that cultural expectation.

You are right to go low contact, protect yourself first and foremost, you owe these people nothing.

😂

Love this, well done, OP.

How long ago was this?

Yet you're the one who - Was pressurised by my MIL who begged and pleaded for me to stand up and hold my baby and take him to see her son.
My partner and MIL used the excuse that my BIL was severely depressed and that this would make him feel better.
Me being postpartum, poorly and obviously trying to keep others happy, stupidly gave in even though I had said no repeatedly.

Why would you give in, just say, no I am not doing it, I am poorly, in pain etc! If BIL was that bothered surely he would come to you??

Oh for goodness sake OP, grow a set of balls!

Well there’s clearly a cultural issue here. South Asian families are often/normally more “grandparent led” (and often in practice paternal grandmother-led) with an expectation that daughters-in-law will slot into their husband’s extended family (and not in the dominant position).

White British culture tends to emphasise the nuclear family more, with an expectation that after giving birth the baby’s mother is in charge. Where grandparents are closely involved it’s more likely to be the woman’s parents than the man’s, especially in the immediate post-birth period.

Assuming you prefer the second model, OP, you just need to communicate that really clearly to your partner and his family. “I’m in charge here, I’m the one who has just given birth, we’ll have visitors when I feel up to it and not before, and no your parents may not bring their friends.”

How on earth did this happen? Do you live with them?? Huge shame on your husband ‘he just doesn’t see it’ won’t fly here. He does see it and prioritises them over you, your health and your baby. He is either a terrible person or a pushover man child. Sounds like these people are all awful, this is why you should be so careful with who you marry.

Buy a door wedge, the most useful piece of kit I was given when my ds was born.

Then retreat to your bedroom, wedge the door so no-one can come in and tell them clearly "no visitors means no visitors, and you will not be bullied by ILs, no matter how pushy, ignorant or ill mannered."

Why do people do that? Just vile.

Are your in-laws from a different culture op? Not excusing them! I’m just wondering what their rationale is. some of this may require you to be more assertive given your partner seems pretty useless or thinks it’s normal.

Agreed - you have a husband problem

I assume you don't live with them, which means partner should have not let them in the door, etc. As Pp's have said, he should have been supporting you.
Couple counselling- try it. Gives you a safe space with a neutral third party to work through it. When you've had a baby, even without a haemorrhage, it is one of the most vulnerable times in your life and you currently feel resentful to your partner.understandably. Couples counselling might support him to understand, and help you both work through it. Or, kindly, this relationship is over.
He needs to step up as your partner and a father. Which means putting in boundaries with his parents.
Congrats on your LO, enjoy all the cuddles. Put you and your baby first.

its done now
congratulations on your lo
i hope their visits lessen

Your partner is a weedy little scrote and should be standing up for you. The family are cunts.
sorry you are going through this.