To have a baby with a man i dont love

I was also in a similar situation and I am eternally grateful I didn't ruin my life by making myself a single parent of two young kids instead of one. As it was I gave my one a great upbringing and kept my career and sanity. None of those would have been the likely outcome if I had engineered another (can't say it didn't cross my mind at the time)

It’s probably quite a tricky process to adopt as a single mum, by the time the op worked through it it would be years and then they’d say you’re too old sorry, erase her data and move on.

Let’s be honest- he doesn’t love being a parent, he loves having kids with you to parent them.

Interesting. I am an only child and was determined to have two children, and I didn't want them to have different fathers. I had the two and then separated from H (their father) when the youngest was nearly four. I don't regret that decision, but I do regret staying with him for as long as I did.

People do this all the time. People marry guys they dont rven like so they can tick the boxes

Unpopular but I would do it in your shoes OP. I think a lot more women drag out dead relationships in order to have more children than people admit. You can split and co-parent one child, or you can split and co-parent two, and two would clearly make you far happier. As long as he's onboard and enjoys being a parent it makes very little difference.

Op remember you also have the option of adopting children too, if you leave him, your lovely mum skills could be put to incredible good use (without any risk to your health or body) by giving needy kids a wonderful childhood

I disagree with you that she should use a sperm donee because then her siblings are split and the little one might be jealous about not having a dad

You dream of being a single mum with three kids ? Grow up. You sound ridiculous.

i just caught up with all your posts. If he's in agreement then I don't see why not.

If you wanted people to validate your choice, then why mention that your husband is sexist and uncaring? Nobody is going to suggest reproducing again with such a person.

Regardless of whether he is that, or a ‘good dad’ who treats you well, he needs to have a say in whether he has another child. We can’t say go ahead, it’s not right to use another persons body like that without their consent, even if it’s a male being used.

If you lay it all out, including that you want to separate, and he agrees then whatever. Nobody can stop you anyway

If you dream of being a single mother that’s not going to happen if you have a baby with him then leave. You’ll be forever tied to him, you leaving/child custody arrangements will probably trigger him being horrible to you again, you may have to go through very expensive, emotionally damaging family court proceedings, he could even end up getting custody. It won’t just be your child. At “best” he’ll be an easygoing co-parent who lets the kid live with you and gives you a nice break when he takes he/she EOW. But it is VERY rarely that easy. Not best for the child though cos you’re knowingly bringing he/she into a separated family which is extremely selfish IMO. If what you meant was you’re happy to stay with him and live as a family for the sake of the kids and you get along fine, I don’t see anything wrong with that from the child’s perspective, but you will end up miserable. Kids grow up fast and don’t need you anymore then you’ll be left with him. If you want to be a single parent why not leave him and have a baby on your own via sperm donation? Harder yes, but waaay less drama in the long-run. Obviously this would take a lot of consideration because it may cause issues between your existing kid and the new one but if it’s a choice between that and having a child with someone you plan to leave I know what I’d choose. Oh and not to mention it’s extremely cruel and devious to do that to your partner, unless you’re upfront about it before getting pregnant

I think its really selfish

This is why we have messed up children

Leave him, be single and get a dog.

So, your preference would be to have had parents who loved each other, but you’re still willing to inflict a loveless family on the child you already have AND a newly-planned baby, to satisfy your ‘dream’ of being a single parent?

I think your thinking on this thread is very clear evidence of why inflicting a repeat of your own childhood on your child(ren) is very much not a good idea.

Edited for a rogue comma

I think the way you’ve phrased your OP is half the problem here. Of course some children would rather not have been born many children have awful childhoods, just being ‘alive’ is hardly good enough.

You are coming across quite emotionally bereft. But maybe it’s because that’s how you now are in your relationship rather than you overall.

If you genuinely believe you can give your children everything they need and that when separated, your DH will be a loving part-time father, then I get it. However, you seem to be saying he’s sexist and doesn’t do anything, so it hardly seems like he’s going to be an affable gent and a loving father if you leave him.

Jesus Christ

I did the opposite and it ruined my life.

Yes, but hopefully she actually thought she liked him when she conceived that child. Now she's decided she doesn't.

@ComeAtMe bargain IVF 😠

Having a kid with a nasty sexist isn't fair on the child. A girl...will be emotionally abused by him, probably around when when she hits puberty. That will affect her future relationships. A boy...might turn out like him.

'surely all kids would rather be alive than not'.

No. I would certainly prefer never to have existed.

Honestly, in your position, I would, yes

It’s the other child’s father. Much better for the kids to go together every other weekend than be separated