SS destroyed his room last night

Spot on. No one here would expect an OP to share a home with a man who behaved like this. He would be considered a threat to her and any children in the home. This boy is no different in that respect so why should OP put herself and her kids at potential risk and be uncomfortable in her own home. Neither she nor her DP know him wel, and they have no idea what kind of threat he represents.

He sounds like a really sad kid, of course his df shouldn't abandon him!

Terrible. But doesn’t make it OP’s problem.

It isn't implied, you have painted it in.

Who said they wouldn't chuck a bio child out?

He hasn't shown any violence to people, he broke a toy and ripped a poster. Lots of teens will have done similar. The rest is op guessing and given that she describes his room as 'destroyed' it seems she may perhaps be prone to exaggeration.

I think whether he’s the bio child or not is irrelevant. No-one would ask any child who they knew well and with whom they could communicate effectively to leave their home over something like this. Because they would have a much better idea of what he was and wasn’t capable of than a 16 year old virtual stranger who has landed on the doorstep a few days ago and is already displaying signs of aggression.

Intense parening can work when the child is open to this and much much much younger without this boys history already

At 16, he is too late for this. Not too late to heal but too late for 'parenting' in that way. I doubt he would be responsive to that.

Perhaps the husband and his son should move in to the ex's property while she is away so that he is in his own home, which would be more cost effective than the airbnb idea

The child wanted nothing to do with him from age 13 when a court would have taken his wishes into account regarding contact. I agree the boy has been failed and clearly has issues but is it fair for op to put up with a violent aggressive young man in her home. Violent porn and potential drug taking - if it were a partner we’d all be screaming LTB.
At the very least her dh should move out with him for a bit.

Wow. That seems a very strange viewpoint. He is his son. He has to be a father to all his children, they need to work out a way as a family to make this work. You can't pick and choose the lovely, easy behaviour and the difficult teenage behaviour. Many teens have problems, especially those who have suffered as much as this lad.

If op genuinely believes she is unsafe, they need to consider living arrangements and support. However, it seems he has had one angry outburst and got really emotional and upset, this one thing hardly seems to indicate he is unsafe to be around. It seems that, sadly, he has found himself in another home where people think the most convenient thing would be for him to leave.

This is a child in desperate need of intense parenting. If you don’t want to be involved in that, fair enough. You should not be asking your husband to abandon his son. You and your husband can’t live together right now if you can’t take this on.

This is his son. Maybe you need to live elsewhere for a while until the son settles into living with his dad?

Op your kids perfect but him you want out on the streets.
I just cant get my head around anyone like you, you clearly dont like him.

You have no idear what its like growing up with people that dont like you and just wish you were not around, if anything went wrong, something happened the finger gets pointed at you.
I do because i was that kid.

Not at the expense of OP and their other children he doesn’t. And of course it matters. The boy doesn’t know them, and they don’t know him, or what he may be capable of.

Its implied. Because as another poster pointed out literally no one would be chucking a bio child out of their home for this

It makes no difference, dh is the boy's dad and needs to take care of him and support him now.

Poor boy sounds very unhappy and with good reason. I would do all I could to support him, whelp him feel loved and wanted.

This.

And the drinking ? The suspicion that he is taking drugs ? Watching violent porn, spending time on discord ? Blaming DP for ‘making him’ damage his room and then denying it ever happened ? Massive red flags and you’re minimising them all and advising an OP that despite not feeling safe in her own home and worrying for her own kids safety, she should just suck it up because he was only having a ‘strop’. Words fail me.

I normally hate the phrase behaviour is communication, but this seems the most blindingly obvious example of this.
He needs stability and security and love.

He’s pushing boundaries to test dp. Stay firm and strong, reassuring him he’s wanted and loved. The further he pulls away, the more resolute you need to be, until he realises that you aren’t going anywhere and he can actually trust you.

That's a false equivalence. This boy has chosen to not have any contact with his adoptive father for years. This isn't a kid who's always lived with them, who they love and who loves them, who they know like the back of their hand and consequently can try to make sense of his emotions and feel confident of who he is underneath.

This is a much less secure situation for all involved. For the lad who doesn't know his adoptive father well enough to trust him, and for the dad and OP to know how to respond and what he night do next.

I don't think anyone has really mentioned the adoption thing except you? Maybe one pp who I think misunderstood. No one thinks he's less than, that's something you're desperately pushing...

Please pinpoint all the posts who said he was less than because he was adopted. If you can twist more than 2 I'll be surprised.

The kid is messed up and i can see why.
And now your online slagging him off to.

Bloody exactly!!
No way would anyone ask their own bio 16 year old to leave over this minor blow up.
Shocking that the OP expects her husband to do that to his child.